Regaining your Superpower!

A friend of mine posted about losing her "superpower" over the holidays...how she felt so wonderful, so powerful when she lost the weight...she was doing great....but then she 'lost it' over the holidays and now she HATES herself because she's regained weight.

And boy, can I RELATE!

So many of us went down the sludge road over the holidays.

But it's not over till it's over, right?  So as long as you NEVER give up on yourself, you still have a chance!

So here's the thing. What I'm doing to get my 'superpower' back, is doing what worked BEFORE, and adding back in some tools that I found helpful.

For me, a big part of that is the books that gave me inspiration and ideas on how to fight BACK. How to regain CONTROL over my eating.

And for me, that comes down to a simple philosophy.....the idea that we have TWO voices in our heads at all times...our intelligent side PLUS our 'Fat Brain'. Fat Brain is our addictive voice. She wants us to keep doing what we did....eat eat eat....because that's how we handled life, that was our answer to just about everything, that was our comfort, our friend, our pleasure in life.

But YOU, your intelligent side, knows that that is just a LIE. YOU know now....(especially if you've lost weight before on this plan!)....that a better life awaits you when you regain CONTROL and get back in the groove and back to goal. So you can CHALLENGE Fat Brain, and NOT listen to her.

Lost your Mojo?

Over the holidays, like many of you, I 'lost it'.  Lost my mojo completely.  Fat Brain talked me into 'letting it all go' and just eating whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted -- once again telling me that I could ALWAYS go back OP 'afterwards' and re-lose the weight.

The stupidity of that seems obvious now -- I mean, why open that can of worms again?  Why experience the bloated stomach, puffy face, nausea, actual stomach PAIN from eating too much;  and most of all, the self-hatred that occurs when I'm bingeing?

Because make no mistake.....for me?  I'm either OP or I'm bingeing.  I can TELL myself I'm just 'eating normally' or 'eating what I want', but if I really sit down and log all the sludge I ate on any given day over the holidays....whoa baby, the calories are way way too much!  No wonder I gain weight! 

And here's the thing.  I'm usually STILL HUNGRY.

Changing how I FEEL...leads to changing how I REACT!

One of the things I've learned, over the course of my Medifast experience, is to embrace and enhance my spiritual side. 

I know that sounds trite, and I don't mean it to be....but it's the truth.

It started with simple meditation for stress relief.  It's incredibly important to 'center' yourself and reduce your stress if you want to be successful on this program....because otherwise it's all-too-tempting to fall back into using FOOD as an emotional 'crutch'.

I know....I did it for over 50 years!  "Oh no!  A bad thing happened!  Where's the peanut butter?"  LOL...

But seriously. I USED food for too many years.  And I came to realize that of course this was NOT a smart thing to do!  After all, food is NUTRITION, that's all.  It's NOT a bandaid for life.  I had to learn how to handle my life WITHOUT turning to food all the time.

So I learned meditation techniques. And by "meditation" I don't mean sitting in a dark room in the lotus position going 'OOHMM'...LOL...

I just learned some deep breathing techniques and bought several meditation CDs, and read spiritual books.  I found that just lying or sitting quietly and going 'inside' myself and getting in touch with my SOUL was very powerful and helped a lot.  I wanted to get in touch with my deepest needs and desires, with who I want to BECOME in this life, with my PURPOSE in life.

Things to Remember before you take that first bite...

It's the holidays....and even worse, a weekend.  UGH.  This is really the hardest time of year for many of us...myself included!

And I've had to fight temptation over and over again.  Sometimes successfully;  sometimes not.

But I've been thinking about it a lot lately....what WORKS? 

How do you get through it and out to the point where you can sail along....and STAY OP?

Well, I've had to go back to the basics. 

First, I reminded myself what's different about this program.  Things that had been missing for ALL MY LIFE up until Feb 2012
when I started on the 5/1. 

My present to ME this year!

So many of us are doing a LOT of running around these last few weeks before Christmas...making sure we have gifts for everyone on our list, sending holiday cards if you still do that (I do....traditions die hard, and I LIKE to visually SEE the cards from everyone; I tape them up where I can see them), cleaning the house (ugh), baking if you still do that (I don't), looking for bargains, attending holiday concerts for the kids, .... the list goes on and on.

STRESS can build up pretty quickly, and you're left feeling like, 'What about ME? Who takes care of ME this year?'

Well, the answer is obvious, right? YOU take care of you. YOU have to make sure you're getting enough sleep, and enough exercise, and eating right and de-stressing wherever and whenever possible.

I also like to 'sneak in' a few small items for myself during my Christmas shopping....for example I went to Walmart for the cats' Xmas (yep, in our house the cats get gifts, too! LOL)....and in between buying the cat toys, I found a couple cute t shirts on sale for $2.99 each. And I ask you, where can you find a tee shirt for $3.? OK OK, so they are kinda junky and will shrink the first time I wash them; they're fine for something new to wear to the gym. I bought one that says "Jersey Girl - Sarcasm included" and another all black one with just an outline of a cat. They're fun and they brighten my day!

Go back to what WORKED!

Yesterday I was 100% OP....AND I did Spinning and CXworx (that's a 30 minute exercise class with lots of abdominal crunches, planks, that kind of thing. It's hard, but it's only 30 minutes).

Boy, was I SORE the rest of the day. LOL.

Anyway, I was determined to do a COMPLETELY 100% OP day...I mean no extra ANYTHING....which isn't easy when you've been on maintenance for awhile. And I finally DID it. I'd been coming close these past several weeks...(with Thanksgiving being a notable, and regrettable, exception)...but somehow I always rationalized one extra MF snack, or a bit more protein (in addition to 2 ozs. extra if I worked out), etc.

On Holliday Treats!

There are plenty of holiday treats that are once a year, right?

It's not like your Aunt Tilly makes her fabulous, famous apple strudel every day, and that triple fudge cake recipe offered in that flyer you got for gift baskets is available at Christmastime ONLY, right?
You can order some of these things for Christmas but that's it. After that, no more sales. Reeses even makes peanut butter 'trees' to celebrate the holidays. Can't get those at other times.

Sigh....all these 'once a year' type treats....it gives Fat Brain all kinds of fuel to go off program, or 'take a break', right?

I saw one of these Xmas special cakes recently in a flyer. And it had me salivating just reading the description and looking at the picture.

And I had NO ONE in mind to send it to....except...MYSELF!

Is it WORTH IT?

I was thinking this morning, as I thought back to this past Thanksgiving holiday (which was a disaster for me, eating and family drama wise).....to WHY I enjoy staying OP so much anymore.

That IS a sea change for me....it's a GOOD change, and I cling to it! 
I really DO feel better...physically, emotionally, EVERY way...when I'm OP than when I'm bingeing.

Is it WORTH IT?  Is a binge worth all the emotional distress that I feel afterwards?  (sometimes just a few MINUTES afterwards)?

Is it worth the self-hatred, the beating myself up, the anxiety, the tension, the stress, the DEPRESSION (yes I've actually cried myself to sleep over it during the worst of my binges).....for a few moments of pleasure eating something I know will backfire on me?

NO!  It's NOT!  That's the bottom line.

It's NOT WORTH IT.

Never give up, Never Surrender!

Like many of you, I've had my share of struggles lately....Thanksgiving was a nightmare -- WAY too much family drama to suit my taste -- and it's been hard, without the old Community platform we all know and love.

Most of us miss the old blogs....we miss that support...and we're feeling a bit like the rug has been swept out from under us!

But I keep thinking about the line from the movie "Galaxy Quest" (stupid movie, but cute!) where Tim Allen does a Shatner/Captain Kirk imitation....and keeps saying, "Never give up, Never Surrender".

That's EXACTLY how I feel about this program and about my participation in it.

I'll NEVER give up. And as long as I know I'll never give up, there is ALWAYS HOPE!

I KNOW this is the truth. Because way back in the holiday season 2012-2013, I DID (temporarily) 'give up'....I 'took a break' from Medifast...with resulting weight gain and general unhappiness as I watched 200 lbs creep up on the scale again. I was devastated, and thought I'd 'lost it'.

But I stayed online....I read a lot...and I KEPT TRYING.

Every single morning I'd wake up and open a packet.

So what if sometimes I didn't make it through the whole day?

I keep trying anyway. And it took several WEEKS before I could even get through ONE lousy day. REALLY!

But FINALLY, eventually I DID make it through one day.

And then, my struggle became....Can I make it through more than a FEW days? Can I actually do a whole WEEK OP?

And that took several MONTHS to achieve! Really! Again, I stumbled, I fell, I cried, I prayed....

BUT I KEPT ON TRYING. And again, eventually I FOUND my mojo. I thought about it, I prayed about it, I listened, I kept open to new ideas, and I finally worked it out in my head and set myself up for success and I DID IT, I made it through one full week.

And of course the scale cooperated.....and I lost weight. I can't remember now how much I lost that first week but I DID lose.

And that's all that matters. Because I knew I could do it then. I could get through a full week. And if I could get through ONE full week, I could do TWO full weeks. And then one full MONTH.

And so on.

ONE DAY at a time. And some days were easier than others....some days it became one MEAL at a time....but I did it.

I never gave up on myself.

Well, gang, that's exactly where my head is at right NOW. No, I didn't gain to the point of 200 lbs, thank God, and NO, I haven't taken this entire holiday season 'off' (Thanksgiving was bad enough....all my best laid plans went by the wayside).....and I have NO INTENTION of doing so, either.

But I HAVE been struggling. So...I'm back to basics.

I am taking it ONE DAY at a time, one MEAL at a time if I have to, and just trying to string together more than a few OP days.

It's not easy....not easy to go to the gym and see that I look heavier. UGH. Not easy to think about my stupid binges. Not easy to keep busy sometimes, and NOT think about food. Especially over this month.

But this is all about a HoliDAY...not a HoliMONTH, right?

Christmas is just one day. So is Thanksgiving. So why are we making it a two-month-long DEBACLE?

It doesn't have to be. All you have to do is put your head down and DO IT. One day at a time.

That's all it really takes, you know. PERSISTENCE in the face of obstacles. STUBBORNESS! Being UNWILLING to accept that you will 'always be fat'.

I refuse to do that. The program works, I know it works. YOU DO, TOO! Right? You've SEEN it work, on your own body!

You FEEL better when you're OP. I know I do! Once you get into ketosis, the hunger dissipates and you really feel awesome.

And you can KEEP going.

BUT....!!!!!

Never ever ever forget that that ONE bite, that ONE serving, that ONE piece of sludge, WILL do you in. EVERY TIME.

You can tell yourself it won't hurt.....you can add the calories up and go, "Well gee, we're only talking like 100 extra calories here, what's the big deal?"

The 'big deal' is that it opens the floodgates. We are all or nothing people....and this is, really, an 'all or nothing' program.

You can't do it 'halfway'. You can't do it only during the week and take weekends off....you'll quickly see you get NOWHERE FAST that way.

And you can't do it only when conditions are 'perfect'. Because...guess what? Conditions will NEVER be perfect. Life isn't perfect!

So you have to JUMP IN with both feet, say a quick prayer, and DO IT. Just DO IT. Set yourself up for success...get rid of the sludge in your house, lay out your MF meals ahead of time, make yourself a checklist if you must ..... here's mine:
(check off when done):

___ Get up and have my MF meal, such as Berry cereal with 1/2 cup Almondbreeze...or whatever MF meal
___ Go to the gym and do 1/2 hour exercise
___ Have mid-morning MF snack (usually a bar or pretzels for me)
___ KEEP BUSY
___ Have Lunchtime MF meal with lots of water (again, whatever MF meal works!)
___ Make SURE you drink 64 ozs. of water today (have a large jug of water and keep refilling your water glass)
___ Have MF afternoon snack 3 hours after lunch (not before, and don't wait TOO late, either)
___ Have your L&G ... plan it....make it simple, but DO IT....with a cup of herb tea and a glass of water
___ 3 hours later, have your final MF meal
___ YOU DID IT! Go to bed (and pat yourself on the back for a job well done)

.....then tomorrow? DO IT ALL OVER AGAIN.

That's really all it comes down to. Don't overcomplicate it, don't overanalyze it, don't jump on and off the scale or worry about will the weight come off, because it WILL if you work the program exactly as written! IT WILL!

And above all, NEVER GIVE UP, and NEVER SURRENDER.

If you fall....the next morning or the next meal....as soon as you can!.....GET BACK OP AGAIN.

As many times as necessary. And yes, it will seem tedious at times. YES, you may need to do this over and over and over and over and over (am I making my point? LOL)....again.....but sooner or later, you WILL get your "Mojo" back, you WILL get into ketosis, and you WILL sail along, losing the weight.

And THOSE are the days worth fighting for.

YOU CAN DO IT.

NEVER GIVE UP, NEVER SURRENDER!
Linda
Certified TSFL Health Coach
angiecat6@comcast.net

Thanksgiving Comebacks

OK, so "National Pig Out Day" is ... TOMORROW.  (Yikes!)

What are YOUR plans?

Listen, don't freak out.  It IS possible to stay OP on Thanksgiving.  It's all in your mindset.  Here's some tips that have worked for me:

1).  REHEARSE the day ahead of time, in your mind.  And by that I mean, think about the food pushers and what they will say, and what you will 'Come back' with....Here's some examples:

- "Are you EATING this year?" (this from my mother...the Champion of Food Pushing! LOL)....
  My comeback?  "Sure, Mom....I'm eating...I'm just eating what -I- want to eat, that's all."

- "Oh for Pete's sakes, it's only ONE DAY!" (again, from you-know-who!)
  My comeback?  "For normal people it's only one day, sure.....but for me?  That will morph into the weekend!  I am a food addict. That's the truth and I'm dealing with it.  So please respect my wishes and leave me be!  I'll be FINE, I'm NOT starving, LOOK!"  (and then I point to the huge pile of lettuce and turkey and green beans on my plate LOL).

- "But you look GREAT!  WHY do you still have to DIET?"
  My comeback?  "Thank you!  But I won't STAY looking good unless I watch what I eat.  EVERY day."

Adventures in Spinning Part 1

 
Good morning, everyone!

I want to talk this morning about my first ever Spinning class.

Because there are a lot of lessons contained within that first experience;  lessons I've learned and am more than happy to share, despite the pain and humiliation that I went through to learn them!

Let's back up a bit....to two years ago.

I had been working out pretty consistently by that point, at a local co-ed gym (incidentally, I started at Curves, the women-only gym, because I was too embarrassed to show up at a regular gym, being at about 300 lbs at that point.  Curves is a great place to START an exercise program, because it's a caring, supportive environment and the workout is only 30 minutes and do-able, even for those who haven't exercised in a long long time, and even for those who are morbidly obese, as I was when I started).

And I noticed the Spinning classes, because they were 'front and center' of the gym, in a glass-enclosed room, all these people on the stationery bicycles, pedalling like mad, and they hooted and hollered and it looked like they were having a GREAT time.  The music was pounding, in short, it looked like FUN!

And I thought, "What can be so hard?  It's just a bicycle...you LOVE riding your bike".

So I decided to try it.

Well.....once I got into that room, everyone noticed me of course, because I was 'new'....and unfortunately for me at that time no one thought to introduce themselves or attempt to help me in any way....I was on my own.  So I did my best, I wasn't sure about it, but I picked out a bike (way in the back) and sat down and UGH, the seat on the bike was so SMALL and HARD....how was I going to stand it?  But oh well, I was here anyway, I was going to do this thingee, right?

The instructor came in, the music started, and off we went.

Well....within 10 minutes I was gasping for breath....I thought I was gonna DIE.  Seriously I could NOT catch my breath.  And my butt was killing me from the teeny-tiny hardasarock bicycle seat, and the instructor was screaming up there 'Go go go!' and the others in the class all looked like they were out of breath, too, but they kept going, they seemed used to it, but I was APPALLED.

I seriously thought I was going to pass out.  I could NOT catch my breath.  I stopped, gasping.....I nearly collapsed....and I knew I had to get out of there.  This was NOT for me.

So I staggered out of the room in the middle of the class, totally HUMILIATED.

Everyone watched me....and the instructor called out, "I hope you're going to cool down"....and I nodded meekly thinking "Cool down?  I'll say cool down....as in COLLAPSE in a HEAP!".....and I made it out of the room and went into the nearest restroom, found a stall, sat down on the toilet seat and caught my breath while angry, frustrated TEARS rolled down my cheeks unfettered.

I had never felt so miserable.  So out of place.  So.....SMALL.

I couldn't do this class.  It wasn't as easy as I thought it would be.  In fact it was the hardest thing I'd ever DONE.

What was I THINKING?  How could I be so STUPID?

Thoughts like these paraded through my brain.....and I cried and cried, silently, because I was no good, I would NEVER be any good, I couldn't do it, I was too fat and too old and too out of shape and I was an IDIOT for even THINKING I could do something like that......

And then I dried my eyes and took a deep breath and went home, determined NEVER to do that again.

When I look back on that now, I can STILL feel some of the hurt and humiliation I felt.

The sad part was, had anyone been nice enough to introduce themselves to me, and HELP me, and tell me I didn't 'have' to do everything at the same speed and resistance as the instructor since I just started, for pete's sakes....maybe the outcome would've been different.

But on balance?  I'm glad I went through that terrible experience, because it made my VICTORY over Spinning class, a few years later, all the sweeter!

Next time....I'll talk about that victory.

Suffice it to say?  EVERYONE screws up when they try new things sometimes.  We go in the wrong direction, believing it's right.  But we learn the hard way.

You won't always take the right road....but you DO get 'credit' for trying...because all those experiences DO add up in your life and you remember them and learn from them.

And learning is the point.   We need to take chances in order to learn, and to grow in terms of experience, maturity, and figuring out what works best for our particular bodies in terms of fitness!

Sitting on the couch, 'safe', is never going to give you the body you want.  You HAVE to take chances once in awhile.  And maybe it won't be perfect.  Maybe it will be just as disastrous as my first experience with Spinning was....but at least you're OUT THERE, TRYING!

If you never try?  You'll never know what you can do!

Keep on keepin' on!

Linda

On Family, Support, and SLUDGE!

Do you have a family that eats sludge?

LOL...most of us do, right?  I mean, 'normal' people can eat junk food and still stay slim.  My own husband can eat ONE -- I swear! -- Reese's peanut butter cup, and SAVE the other one.

This is a totally foreign concept to me.  I mean, there is NO WAY.  No way on God's green EARTH that I'm going to put that second peanut butter cup in the drawer and 'forget about it'!  It would haunt me, call to me, wake me up in the middle of the night, until I devoured it.  LOL.

As a food addict and a sugar addict, life with me hasn't always been easy.

My husband has had to deal with having things suddenly 'disappear', if I was in binge mode the night before.  Entire jars of Skippy vanish, along with a corresponding jar of strawberry jam.  If there are cookies, cakes, pies, anything like that around?  They have a life expectancy of about 10 minutes in my home. LOL.

I once went to a Christmas 'cookie' party that my sister throws every year (I have since talked with her about this and declined, PERMANENTLY, and honestly told her I cannot do it, I cannot sit there surrounded by cookies and stay on my program!) and brought home a big baggie full of cookies for my husband.

Or at least, that's what I TOLD everyone.

It really IS a lifestyle!

When I first started the Medifast program back in 2012, everyone kept telling me to stop calling it a diet.
"It's NOT a diet, it's a lifestyle", they said.

 OK.....whatever you say....I played along, but inside I was thinking "But wait, it IS a diet, I mean it's a method of eating, right?  The true definition of 'diet' is a preferred bunch of foods that people eat...for instance Eskimos eat a lot of whale (ugh), Japanese eat a ton of fish, etc.  Right? 

So it IS a diet, really.  OK OK, so it is...but people told me, "You can't have the attitude that this is a diet, because when you do that, when you go OFF the 'diet', you'll regain the weight because you won't change your eating habits".

OK, OK....I get that, too.  Gotcha.

It's not FAIR!

I've been feeling a bit under the weather this week -- no biggie, just a bad cold or virus, but I feel weak and tired all the time and I keep getting chills/fever/chills/fever UGH. 

I know it's just a virus, it will pass...I'm FINE, really.  But whenever I feel sick, I also feel like, well -- like feeling SORRY for myself and EATING! 
 
Ever get like that?

You get to thinking, "It's not FAIR!" ... and then that becomes an overall sense of unfairness about your weight-loss battle. 

"How COME I have relatives and friends who can eat and eat and never gain an ounce?  They seem to live on Starbucks and they eat all out the time, and post pictures of what they ate out last night on Facebook ARGH.....and yet I gain weight if I simply THINK about having a donut, for pete's sakes?"
I know, I know.  It's not fair, is it?  NO WAY is it fair.  You're a good person, right?  You deserve all the finer things in life, right?  Well, at least you deserve some COMFORTS, right?

I'm going to get this weight off, or DIE trying!

Those are the very words I used when I started this program back in Feb. 2012.

I remember it distinctly. I was surfing the net, looking for info on gastric bypass surgery.
Having tried EVERYTHING to lose the weight, I was still hovering around 230 lbs, despite lowering my calories down to maybe 1200 a day (?) AND exercising!  

I just could NOT seem to lose any more weight.

And I was totally disgusted with myself. 

I had HAD it with being fat.

So I happened to land on the Medifast website, having clicked on an ad somewhere along the way.....and I could see it wasn't going to be easy, living on 'packets'.

But I turned to my husband and I said, "This is IT.  I've HAD it.  NO MORE DIETS.  I'm going to commit to this for one solid month, and if it doesn't work, I GIVE UP. But I am going to give it my all.  I'm gong to get this weight off or DIE trying!"

And after an amazing Week One, when my body went through all sorts of changes to get into ketosis and the weight started dropping off like crazy, I realized....there was something to this.  So I got even MORE committed.

And that commitment is something that I've turned to, again and again.

Epic Fail/Fall?......or....Learning Opportunity?

Last night I did something really, really, STUPID.

(hey, I'm not perfect, either! LOL....we are ALL 'works in progress'!).

I had an epic fail...or fall...however you want to phrase it....but as usual, it was my OWN darn fault!

And it didn't even start last night.  It actually started about 3 nights ago....had I been wiser (and I am now!) I would've 'caught it' before it caught ME.

You see, what I did was....we had too much skim milk in the house (I know, this is NOT the end of the world, right? LOL)....no seriously...hubby is the only one who drinks it, because I do the Almondbreeze unsweetened vanilla milk thing now on my cereal and in my coffee....less calories, more protein....and it tastes good!....and therefore I only buy it for him, for use either on his cereal or when I make him macaroni and cheese.  (And believe it or not, that is NOT a trigger food for me.  So it doesn't bother me).

Well, I decided....FOOLISHLY, as it turns out...(from an old habit growing up, my mother would do this)...to make PUDDING out of the extra skim milk.  After all, when you make pudding, you need 2 cups of the stuff, right?  So I asked hubby, "If I make you pudding will you eat it?" 
"Depends", he said.  "What kind?" 
"I don't know...chocolate?"  (he shook his head).
"Butterscotch?"  .... "Yeah, I'll eat that", he said.

OK.  So I made the pudding one night while cooking dinner.  No biggie. And I decided to put it in two large custard cups making 2 large, 2 serving servings.  He's a big guy, no big deal, right?  Plus I won't have to look at 4 custard cups all week and maybe wind up throwing them out, etc.

My husband is NOTORIOUS for leaving stuff go bad in the frig.  I should've factored that in.

But NOOOO.....I had to go with it, right?

So I make the pudding, stick it in the refrigerator, and it proceeds to sit there, mocking me for the next 3 days.  While hubby made NO attempt to eat it.

I reminded him....and reminded him again.  He kept promising me, 'leave me be, I'll get to it when I get to it'.

Well, he's a NORMAL eater!  It doesn't bother him that it's sitting there.  Not one bit.

But not me!  Oh NO! 

So last night I'm getting ready for bed....I'm tired...I'm in pain...long day, exercise at the gym, etc., and he's in bed already....and that stupid pudding starts talking to me. 

"Linda....I'm here....oh for pete's sakes, 1 BITE won't kill you!  Just to see what it tastes like".

(ever say that to yourself?  As if suddenly the food was going to taste differently from when you remembered it....or that you had to 'refresh' your memory....give me strength!!!)

So I resisted and resisted and then.....I caved.

I knew one bite wouldn't cut it.  I mean, seconds later I'm thinking, "He's never gonna eat this, with one bite taken out of it!  I might as well finish the whole thing.  There's still a whole other custard cup full he can eat".

So I ate it.  And then....the dam burst.  Like it ALWAYS does.  I try to walk away, I really do.  But suddenly it seems as though the chains are OFF and it's PARTY TIME.

UGH.

I don't want to talk about the rest.  Suffice it to say it was NOT pretty and of course, as usual, 5 minutes afterwards I hated myself. 

I knew I 'blew it'.  I'd been good all week, and now who knows what the scale will say when I weight in tomorrow morning.  If I'm lucky, it will be the same weight.  If I'm LUCKY.

And I WANTED it to be LOWER!  ARGH!!!!

WHY do we do this to ourselves?

Because ONE DOES HURT.  Every single time.  And I have to learn that lesson....and you do, too...!  OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER again until you finally figure out ALL your triggers....and even then you have to be on the lookout for new ones!

I am using last night, NOT as an 'epic fail or fall'....but as a LEARNING OPPORTUNITY.

I will no longer make things 'for my husband' when he doesn't ask for them and doesn't need them and I know darn well they could be triggers for me.  NO WAY.

I don't care HOW much extra milk we have in the house.  So I pour it down the drain!  Better in the sink than on my BUTT.  Right?  LOL

Live and learn....remember that.  Every time you fail it's an opportunity, NOT an 'epic fall'.

OK?  DO NOT USE THOSE WORDS to describe it to yourself.  It's not an 'epic' anything.  It's just a learning opportunity. 

This morning I woke up and opened a packet of MF berry cereal and started ALL OVER AGAIN.

Like I've done countless times in the past.  And like I will CONTINUE to do;  until I get this RIGHT.

Wishing all of you a great weekend with NO binges! 

Linda Leiby
Alias Catlover77
Certified Take Shape for Life Health Coach
angiecat6@comcast.net

On...PRIDE...! ...and taking care of Yourself

One of the things that amazed me the most when I first started my weight loss journey for 'good' (when I finally got committed enough to really DO IT), was the immense feeling of PRIDE I got when I had a few weeks under my belt in terms of staying on my program.

It seemed the more I stayed on program, the prouder I got, as the pounds finally started to come off. And I found myself staying on program even through family events, holidays, birthdays, eating out, you name it. It got easier and easier to just say 'NO'. Matter of fact, since I'm generally around the same group of people -- family and friends -- they all started to get used to the fact that I would smile and shake my head, "No, thank you". And they started to just leave me alone because they could SEE the results for themselves. And not just physically....but in my entire countenance. The pride in myself just SHINED through!

There's a lot to be said for that!

I mean, isn't it funny how we can get so caught up in our day-to-day lives, just trying to keep all our respective balls in the air -- job, family, friends, you name it -- that we neglect OURSELVES in the process? And I don't mean in a big way, either. I mean, the little things. Like maybe taking an hour one night to announce "I'm going to take a bath...unless the house burns down, please let me be" (LOL) and closet yourself in my bathroom and sink into a hot bubble bath, maybe with a new scented body wash or bath product, maybe with a candle or two for ambience. AHHHHH......nothing like it.

On... MOTIVATION!

How do YOU get motivated?  How do you STAY motivated?

Most of us start a plan like this because we've reached 'rock bottom'.  Usually it's something, something relatively minor in the overall scheme of things, but MAJOR to us, that causes us to finally take NOTICE and realize that we HAVE to DO SOMETHING to get the weight off.

Everyone has their own story.....a lot of the ones I read have to do with people being in amusement parks with their kids, and being unable to fit into the seats on the rides...(how embarrassing!).....or flying somewhere and they couldn't get the airline seatbelts all the way around them (mortifying!).

That kind of thing.

For me?  I had wound up in the Emergency Room thinking I was having a heart attack....it turned out to be simple angina, thank heavens....but it really shook me up...and in the process a Nurse took one look at me, and said, "Hmmm, I may have to get out the BIG SCALE for YOU".

My mouth dropped open.  Obviously this wasn't a very nice thing to say (and the way she said it wasn't nice, either), but it made me finally stop and THINK.

The next day I decided I was either going to find a way to get this weight off myself, or I was going to go for gastric bypass surgery, because I had HAD it with my weight.

That motivated me to join Medifast....and the rest is history, of course....

BUT....!!!!

Once I got to goal, and the compliments stopped, and I got 'used' to being slim, I also started to creep up in my calories...a little here, a little there....and pretty soon I was gaining again.  

Fall back?

We 'fell back' with the clocks this morning...technically it was last night, but hubby and I go to bed early so, we did it this morning.

It's blustery and cold here in the NE.....not a pleasant day out there. Very grey....leaves are falling all over...and 'peak' of autumn leave colors is over. It was gorgeous for awhile around here, though. (I live in RURAL NJ....not Newark! There's a farm across the street).

I feel GOOD this morning....lighter! I'm very happy and proud of myself and how I did yesterday....I kept to my calorie goal and that means I ate LESS than I have been, which means, hopefully, I'll lose weight this week. We shall see. Weigh in day is Saturday mornings. I'm keeping busy with my fingers on the computer, on Facebook, blogging and commenting and playing (stupid but they are addictive!) games like Candy Crush Saga LOL...

Hey, whatever WORKS, right? If I keep my hands and fingers busy and my brain occupied, that's 99% of the battle won, right there.

Otherwise.....boredom and too much time on my hands = wanting to EAT.

My Recipe for SUCCESS!

Like many of you, my weight loss battle hasn't been an easy one, and it's been going on pretty much since I was old enough to realize that I was 'fat'.

From my teens onward....nearly 50 years!....I've ben struggling to find the 'right' method to lose the weight and keep it off.

TSFL using Medifast meals IS that 'right' method....because it has all the right ingredients I needed for success:

1). The right NUTRITION: It's incredibly important to eat the right balance of protein, carbs and fats; not just every day but even every MEAL. I've learned that too many carbs and sugar, for instance, can make me hungry to the point where I'm eating everything that isn't nailed down....REGARDLESS of the amount of calories. I can't just say to myself, "Well, I ate a huge piece of chocolate cake and that was 500 calories so I'm good for two meals". It doesn't work that way. My body rebels because I'm overdoing the carbs, sugar and fat and not getting enough healthy protein, vitamins and fiber to sustain me.

There's a reason why, for example, that guy from "Supersize me" who followed an all-McDonalds diet for awhile as an experiment, felt AWFUL. His nutritional balance was way way off. Too much sodium, too much fat, too many chemicals and sugar....ugh...our bodies reject that kind of 'nutrition' because it's NOT nutrition, it's SLUDGE and JUNK and it serves no purpose other than to addict us to MORE sugar and carbs and fat, and the cycle perpetuates itself.

I tried for YEARS to find the right balance...I really did!

Exercise!

OK, I'm going to talk about exercise here...so ... I know this is a 'controversial' subject on this plan sometimes...there are definitely opposing points of view...some people firmly believe in it, while others swear that since MF doesn't recommend it until after Week 3 (and I don't, either, by the way) and since MF/TSFL don't 'require' you to exercise, you shouldn't.

Dr. A basically says in the Habits of Health to wait until your weight is off FIRST, then think about exercise.

But...I respectfully disagree. At least in my case.

 

And for that matter, in EVERY case where 'Stress' with a capital "S" is a factor in your life. (and it seems to me we all deal with a lot of stress just living in this day and age, right?)

Because I am here to tell you, I could not have succeeded to the point where I am at today WITHOUT exercise.

Now, it's not because I wanted to become some super athlete. That is NOT me. Growing up I was super-uncoordinated. The last to be picked in gym class. That fat girl in the back, trying to hide. Nope. Not for me.

It's not because I was determined to twist myself into a pretzel and learn advanced Yoga moves, or become a 'Zumba Queen' with the best of them.

Or because I wanted to shout from the rooftops that I just participated in my first 2K or 5K or whatever that is (I finally figured out that a 1K = 1 kilometer which is 0.62 miles).

(and by the way, I had to look that up on the internet LOL).

Sometimes you gotta PUSH yourself!

I was planting daffodils yesterday when it occurred to me.

I ADORE daffodils.  I love everything about them.  Their beauty, their light scent, the fact that they are strong enough to emerge through the cold ground that was snow-covered just a few weeks previously....their hardiness despite the chilly April winds....and the fact that with all the hybrids developed, they now come in all KINDS of pretty colors and variations.  Including pink insides, some with ruffles, etc.!

So every year I order daffodils...usually in June.  That's when the big suppliers' catalogs come out, and the daffodils that I had have died down again, 'gone to sleep' until the next year (they appear first thing in the Spring, April/May).  And my goal is to cover my HILL
(we live on a hillside) with them LOL...
But they have to be ordered in June, for October/Nov. delivery. 
And they have to be planted in the Fall. 

So I order 'more' every year....because I have lots of room to plant them (once I get past the rocks LOL....!)  And also because the moles, groundhogs and other assorted creatures dig up some and eat them (they are quite the delicacy, apparently), so I lose some that way.

But every year, it feels like I order 'too many'.  When the package arrives I sigh....I don't FEEL like planting them, UGH why did I order so many.....?

It's a CHOICE, not a battle!

(editors note:  OP means 'on program'....i.e., on the TSFL 5/1 program).

 

It's a CHOICE, not a Battle!

 

Lying in bed last night, I was thinking about how far along I've come with my headwork on this journey.  NOT that I'm perfect, mind you....no one is...! .... we're all human, and that's the very definition of imperfect LOL.

BUT I've learned a lot. The recent 'scare' with the new website, which has resulted in my copying over all my old blogs (a practice I recommend to those of you who blog often, by the way....I know, I know, they say they will transfer over...but accidents DO happen...), I was marveling at my 'inner growth'. 

It really DOES start and end with your HEAD. 

NOT the food.
NOT the scale.
NOT the exercise.

I'm not saying the above aren't important -- especially the food! -- eating those 5 MF meals is KEY, plus your L&G, of course  -- but if you can decipher what's happening in your BRAIN you've got half the battle won right there.

Fat Brain

Please allow me to introduce myself....

I am Fat Brain.

I live inside of you and am a part of you. In fact, I am an actual, physical  piece of your brain.  I'm left over from the caveman days.  When you HAD to eat whenever food was available, or you'd starve to death.

The problem is, I'm still here....even though I'm really not necessary -- at least insofaras food is concerned.  Food is available in abundance in our modern society.  In fact, there's TOO MUCH of it!  It's everywhere. It's just a few steps away in your kitchen....and if you want something else, ANYTHING else, just hop in your car, chances are it's only a few minutes to the nearest grocery store.

But I'm still here and you have to deal with me, one way or the other.
I am responsible for every food binge you ever had, every time you 'slipped up' or went off program, every time you tried to have 'just one' and wound up on that slippery slope down to despair and hopelessness.

I won't apologize for it, either...because that's WHO I AM and what I DO.

I am not only concerned with survival, but with REMEMBERING and cherishing your old habits!  My job is to remind you of them, and try to get you to go back to them, because it was easier.
And not only do I remember them, but I cherish them!

I remember every piece of junk food you ever ate, and exactly how it tasted. All the wonderful gooey-creamy-sticky-sweet-salty-whatever 'ness' about each food.
(Of course, I do NOT remember how you felt afterwards...nope, I don't 'go there'. I do NOT remember the guilt or the shame or the weight gain. These are secondary, unimportant details to me).  In reality of course those details are VERY important, but I will tell you they don't matter.

I'm an expert at lying to you. Manipulating you.  Using your own logic against you. 

And I'll do whatever it takes to get you to do what you did 'before'.
They are the 'good old days' to me. And my entire purpose in life is to get you to GO BACK THERE again.

Why? 
Because I'm the lazy CHILD within you, the one that whines and complains and just wants to EAT 'whatever' already, and is sick and tired of these stupid MF packets and wants to eat 'like everyone else'.

"Everything in Moderation"

"Everything in moderation".

How many of us have heard that phrase?

But for US, that's impossible. And a lot of our problems come in because we refuse to accept that one fact!  We're food addicts.  Compulsive overeaters. It's what we DO.

When life hands us lemons, we don't make lemonade....we make lemon meringue PIE.  LOL.

So 'everything in moderation' has NO meaning for us.

Food is our drug. And we'll go back to its comfort again and again if we haven't learned other life skills to replace our eating. 

Moreover, certain foods can and will act like triggers and we can't stop. Even if we stop in front of others, when we're alone?  We can't help but continue eating in private.

Food is my Controlled Substance!

Last night I managed to override a very vicious urge to binge....right before bedtime.  It was so strange. I had my MF brownie ready to go, but all of a sudden I didn't WANT that, I wanted to eat something fattening....and LOTS of it.  We had some reduced fat cream cheese in the frig and I suddenly I was thinking of mixing it up with a few other ingredients and...
well...I'll stop there, don't want to give anyone ideas...suffice it to say it wouldn't have been good.

And of course I KNEW that....but I couldn't stop my stupid Fat Brain from FIXATING.  The whole time I was getting ready for bed she was on my case about it. "Just do it".  "You NEED it". "You'll FEEL better".
And she went on from there. (those of you who fight binge eating can relate...)...she was planning an all-night binge.  In bed.  Alone.UGH.  It can be very very hard to ignore her when she gets persistent like that. And the whole time, my husband was coughing. Coughing coughing coughing....as he's been doing lately even more than usual.  He has COPD and right now he's battling a cold. And for him? That's all it takes. One cold and he's in trouble....because he has the chronic bronchitis form of COPD and the congestion is ALWAYS there.

Emotional Hunger vs. Physical Hunger

Learning to differentiate and get past my hunger issues was the hardest part of this program for me.  By FAR.
But I think it's a big key to being successful.
I couldn't STAND feeling hungry.  I never knew when I was full.  My mother used to call me a 'bottomless pit'.  (really).
So I came up with a little 'checklist'....that I sort of 'run through my head' whenever I'm hungry, and it's helped me a lot.  I hope it helps you!

MY HUNGER CHECKLIST
1).  Has it been over 2 hours since my last meal? (solution: EAT your MF meal)
2).  Am I thirsty? (solution: Drink water)
3).  Am I tired? (solution: Go lie down and/or go to bed earlier)
4).  Am I feeling an emotion I don't like?  (HALT acronym...also frustration, anxiety, stress, worry, depression...even boredom!   You name it!) (solution: Think it through)
5).  Have I been working out more than usual lately? (solution: More protein)
6).  What's my carb count look like? (solution: less carbs)Here's more info on each of the above:
1).  Has it been over 2 hours since my last meal? 

If so, it's probably time for my next MF meal. Not a big deal...have it and move on.

It's about CHOICE!

I woke up this morning with a bad case of the Monday morning blues.

First of all, I overslept. Never a good thing. Then I stepped on the scale  Didn't like what I saw. At ALL.
 
I reminded myself that I didn't measure appropriately at dinner last night, and my meal was high in sodium.  Therefore I could have eaten too much, and/or I could be retaining water.  It happens.  Also, I didn't sleep well last night.  (believe it or not THAT can affect the scale as well).  Plus I don't even have a really accurate 'starting point', since I last weighed in BEFORE I had a bad eating day a little less than a week ago. (oh - and it's only been 6 days, not 7).  So I could've started a lot higher than I thought I did.
Lastly, it's not like I can lose 10 lbs. a week anymore.....I'm not 235 lbs anymore.  We're talking a few extra 'didn't pay attention' pounds, that's all.

I know all these things intellectually.  But it doesn't make it easier emotionally, does it?

I mean, we ALL get upset when the scale doesn't cooperate.  We try NOT to, but it does tend to ruin your day, let's face it. 

Little by Little...

Good Sunday morning, everyone!

The hardest day of the week for me.  And for many of us.

Which is weird, right?  I mean, it's also....for most of us....the 'best' day of the week because we have lots of leisure time, and we're with family and friends doing what we LIKE to do, what we CHOOSE to do, instead of what we 'HAVE' to do.

But sometimes, that's precisely what gets us into trouble!

Too many choices.  Too much temptation.  Too many bad habits staring us in the face....triggers, like sitting in your favorite chair watching your favorite TV show.  Or going out with the gang at night. Sometimes just 'that' can be a trigger, because you 'always' used to eat _________ (insert food here!) at that point in time.  Right?

Exercise!

It's time for my periodic motivational speech on exercise LOL.

Seriously, are you working out?  Are you planning to work out?

If you just started the program, you get a 'pass'....for at least 2-3 weeks (I know you're anxious to get the weight off, but WAIT....please!  Your body is going through too many changes right now), but if not...

What are you waiting for?

It's up to YOU to find a way to MOVE more.  That's all.  Just MOVE.
A friend of mine just walked up and down her hallway for the first couple of months!
Another does the 10,000 steps thing (I never DID get into that, but my personality just wasn't suited to it I guess). 
Yet another does stair climbing.
It doesn't matter WHAT it is, as long as you MOVE.

And do it consistently.

It's not the intensity that matters, it's the consistency. Whether it's walks around the building (or the block) after lunch at work, or doing a Pilates DVD at home every night, or joining a gym, or starting a running program, or taking an exercise class once a week, start SOMEWHERE.  Make a commitment to find something you enjoy and do it.

Find your passion!

I confess.

I have a secret weapon that I've used to help get me to goal.

It's stupid but it works.

Ready?

I keep BUSY. I keep busy with my hands, my fingers, and my brain. I do this by reading blogs, writing blogs, commenting on this website, and reading.

And not always reading books about binge eating or food addiction, either. Let's face it, sometimes we need pure escapism.

So I love reading novels like best-selling thrillers...(you know, US Navy Seals take on the terrorists and win novels). Brad Thor is my current favorite author.

Failure IS an option!

"I screwed up".

Why is it we can't say these three little words sometimes?

Why is it we get all ashamed, embarrassed, afraid to admit it?

EVERYONE screws up.  It's part of being human!

And on this plan, more than most, I think, IF you're here for the long haul (and I hope you are!), you are going to have to learn how to deal with failure.  

Because things happen.  That's just...life!

There WILL be times when you find yourself without an MF bar or pretzels or something available, and you're out, and it's been 4-1/2 hours and you're STARVED and so you grab ... 'whatever' and then...you hate yourself.

It's not the end of the world.  Just go right back OP the very next meal.  Forgive yourself and move on. Learn a lesson from it (i.e, put THREE bars in your purse…and two in your car’s console…right NOW! LOL)....and move on.

You are also going to have to learn to deal with things you 'used to deal with' with food, without food.

I mean, that's the definition of a food addict, right? Our 'drug of choice' is food! 

So when we get lonely, or angry, or upset, or stressed, or anxious, or frustrated, or depressed, or....whatever (sometimes even multiple emotions all at once) ... when life hands us lemons, when we wake up on the wrong side of the bed and the kids are a pain and your husband is mad at you and you lost your left shoe and you're late for work and everything's going wrong....

You have to stop, take a deep breath, and tell yourself 'This too shall pass'....and get through it.

Is it WORTH IT?

So I was thinking this morning....is all this WORTH it? 

At the time I was in the ladies room at the gym.  I was tired, sweaty, and my arms and back hurt after my workout. 

I had my MF cereal with Almond Breeze, then dashed to the gym, had a bar mid morning after my little personal training session (I only pay for 30 minutes), and then did the treadmill for a bit. And I'm sweaty and hot and thirsty and sucking down the water.

And I looked in the mirror and said ....  "YES! It's worth it!"

It's so so worth it.  My husband calls me 'gorgeous' anymore (and the funny thing is, we've been married for nearly 30 years, but he didn't start doing that until I reached goal).  Seriously, in text messages when I tell him I'm home safe he always responds, "That's great, gorgeous" (sometimes he misspells gorgeous but who cares?  So he can't spell...LOL..."verbal ability is a highly overrated thing in a guy" (quick, what movie is that from?).....  :)

Accountability!

I used to make calendars whenever I started I new weight loss program.....let's see....if I lose 2 lbs a week that means I'll be X lbs in October, by Halloween I'll be Y, and by Thanksgiving I'll be Z, and by Christmas, whoa by Christmas I'll be looking SO good I'll be weighing XY!   LOL.....

I've learned the hard way that 'predicting' my weight loss is an exercise in futility, but I capitalized on my own 'analness' when it came to tracking and planning. 
I'm the QUEEN of tracking!  LOL!
Seriously. I LOVE it. 

So I got to thinking this Monday morning, as we all start off a new week, what would really help me to stay on track for the next 30 days.  I mean totally OP for 30 days, right?  How great would that be?  How much weight could YOU lose in 30 days completely totally OP?
Right?

Ketosis Confusion!

You know, sometimes the depth of my own confusion....and my own COMPULSIONS regarding eating...amazes even ME. 
LOL.

A friend, this past week, talked about Ketostix.

And that started me on an "Odyssey of Discovery" about Ketostix, ketosis, and the whole low low carb thing.

I bought a book called "Keto Clarity" (I DON'T recommend it, by the way.... how's THAT for a switch?....because it will only screw with your head just like it did mine!) by Jimmy Moore. 

The books SOUNDS like a dream come true.  I mean, you can eat FAT!  Yay! I'll be able to eat my Skippy!  WOW!  And look!  He lost over 300 lbs! 

But careful reading....and actually sitting down and designing a MENU....I saw differently. 

The 4 step Process to handling Cravings or Urges to Overeat

Here's a four-step process to stopping a binge before it starts, and I think it can be very helpful.

STEP ONE:  Capture your self-defeating thought.Through the practice of observation, take a look and see if there is a certain event, issue, or drama -- whether real or imagined -- that has been taking up a lot of your time and energy lately.  (Hint: this is usually what you're thinking deep inside, right BEFORE that craving!):
Example 1: "I never should have eaten that".
Example 2: "I'll never be able to lose this weight".

Once you have identified the thought, take a look at whether this something that happened in the past, or is something you have projected into the future.

Example 1: "The thought 'I shouldn't have eaten that' is reflecting something that happened in the past.  I am beating myself up because I ate that __________."
Example 2: "The thought 'I will never be able to lose weight' is a projection into the future.  I am fearful that I will spend the rest of my life fat and unhappy".

Either one is NOT living in the present.  (HINT:  If you want to be happy?  Live in the PRESENT, not the past or the future!)

And look at the meaning you have given the words, AND the feelings they invoke.
For example, in the first example, you may have given yourself the meaning that since you ate that off program food (or extra meal or too much food, whatever) you therefore are 'stupid' and 'can't do anything right'.  The feeling that goes along with this may be shame, guilt and remorse. (those are all useless emotions that do NOTHING but drag you down).

Binge Rules

Many of us struggle with binge eating. 

As I continue to unravel the reasons behind my own bingeing, and continue to work on making them 'less and less'.....I've discovered some things that might help.

Here are my 'Bingeing Rules' that I've learned through cold, hard experience.

This is a work in progress (as am I!)....but hopefully this will give you something to think about the next time you binge. And maybe it will even prevent a small binge from becoming a major one!

1.  If you succumb to a binge and go out and buy off program foods?  Whatever you don't finish, THROW OUT and get it out of your house immediately.  And I mean, get it TOTALLY out.  Bury it way way down in the garbage under other stuff so it's too disgusting to retrieve, and get that garbage out ASAP.  The last thing you need is for that food to be haunting you afterwards. 
And don't think you can 'keep it around for your family', because trust me, they won't finish it soon enough....and it will be there, staring you in the face when you're all alone and having an emotional meltdown. Not good!

2.  Do NOT skip your next meal after a binge to 'make up for it'.  OK, I realize you're stuffed right now.  Overstuffed, even.  You're thinking you'd love it if you could swear off food FOREVER.  But make your next meal anyway, as if you were OP.  This does several things:

a).  It keeps you from having to answer embarrassing questions from family members who suspect you've binged if you suddenly announce 'I'm not eating tonight' or just try and get away with a small salad (they will know, believe me).

b).  Your body processes the food pretty darn quickly.  So you WILL be physically hungry just a few hours later -- even though emotionally you don't want to eat -- so at least you'll be eating OP foods again.  If you go the other way, your physical hunger can 'win out', and then, since you 'blew it anyway', guess what you're going to eat?  Nothing good for you, trust me...! LOL

c).  It avoids that "Oh to hell with it -- I'll restart in the morning" thinking that always leads one place - to worsening or prolonging the binge.  Now an extra 500 calories becomes 500 more.  Or more than that! 

Even if you can't finish your L&G or that MF bar that's your next meal (sometimes they taste like cardboard to me after a binge), you're still back OP.  That in itself can make you feel better.  If you really can't finish it, stop eating and throw the rest away.  But do NOT give Fat Brain the excuse that she's hungry again, and that you should eat something ELSE off plan because you 'blew it anyway'.

3).  Go back OP the next morning.  The very next morning, even if it's over a weekend.  If you can, go back OP the very next MEAL (see #2 above)....but at the very least, get back OP the next morning.  As if nothing happened.