I woke up this morning with a bad case of the Monday morning blues.
First of all, I overslept. Never a good thing. Then I stepped on the scale Didn't like what I saw. At ALL.
I reminded myself that I didn't measure appropriately at dinner last night, and my meal was high in sodium. Therefore I could have eaten too much, and/or I could be retaining water. It happens. Also, I didn't sleep well last night. (believe it or not THAT can affect the scale as well). Plus I don't even have a really accurate 'starting point', since I last weighed in BEFORE I had a bad eating day a little less than a week ago. (oh - and it's only been 6 days, not 7). So I could've started a lot higher than I thought I did.
Lastly, it's not like I can lose 10 lbs. a week anymore.....I'm not 235 lbs anymore. We're talking a few extra 'didn't pay attention' pounds, that's all.
I know all these things intellectually. But it doesn't make it easier emotionally, does it?
I mean, we ALL get upset when the scale doesn't cooperate. We try NOT to, but it does tend to ruin your day, let's face it.
The trick is not to let it ruin your WEEK. To recover, realize that these things happen, and keep on. Bottom line, that old devil scale STILL has a way of getting to me. Sigh. And "Predicting" my weight loss is a mistake (have you been guilty of that? Oh yeah....you decide you 'had' to have lost 'at least' 4 lbs...then you get on the scale and see 1/2 lb and want to jump off a cliff! LOL) You really never know until you step on that scale. Right?
So I know better.
Not that it made it much easier.
So I went to the kitchen to make my breakfast. MF berry cereal and Almondbreeze AGAIN. Sigh....why is it I have to eat this stuff every morning? Why can't I indulge in 'real' pancakes, or thick waffles with oodles of butter and syrup the way I used to?
Because I've gotta watch my weight. That's why. Because I won't stop there....if I allowed myself to eat that kind of a breakfast I would go down that road all day long.
Can't do it.
CAN'T.
That's a dangerous word. (Pay attention whenever you use that word....it's Fat Brain in disguise trying to pull you down!)
Sigh....I've got the gym this morning. Didn't want to go. Glared at my poor DH when he woke up (he took one look at me and decided he was going to be very, very quiet this morning LOL). Fed the cats. Got ready. Grumbling to myself. WHY isn't the scale cooperating. "I'm depressed". "This SUCKS, I'm always having to do this, it's not fair yada yada".
We've all been there, right? You start telling yourself it's NOT FAIR, how come you can't eat whatever you want, how COME the scale isn't moving as fast as you want it to, how COME you have to deny yourself and 'starve' all the time?
Forced myself to get to Spinning class. To my surprise my instructor came in and announced she was in a bad mood because she 'gained 4 lbs' over the weekend. Wow, I'm NOT alone (and this girl is in SHAPE, believe me). She said her 16-year-old had a 'birthday weekend', and all weekend long she was surrounded by cakes and cookies and all kinds of assorted junk food that her daughter and her friends partied with. And that she, too, indulged in just a little too much of it, a glass or two of wine, etc. She was unhappy with herself but assured me, "Linda, we're BOTH in this together. We are ONE WORKOUT AWAY from a good mood".
Cool saying, right?
And it turned out to be true. I sweated it out during our hour-long Spinning class....as usual....was dripping by the time we were done, my legs were screaming at me, but I felt like a million bucks because once again I DID it, I made it through.
AND those endorphins had gotten kicked off in my brain....(endorphins are 'feel good' chemicals that somehow make you feel amazing when you're done with a hard workout, especially a cardio workout).
Plus just KNOWING I made it through was awesome. Spinning is by far my toughest class of the week. But I didn't cave and slink out of the class in abject humiliation (and yes, I have done that....my very first Spinning class...it was a disaster!)
I even made a new friend....a newbie by the name of Vicki who is in her 60s and struggled, but made it through (I gave her all the encouragement I could....even started a round of applause for her afterwards because I know it isn't easy!)
By the time I got home I was feeling a little better physically....tired, and sore....but better....but my head was still saying, "It's not FAIR" and I was still reviewing every last thing I had eaten yesterday, wondering if there was too much sodium, was I retaining water, maybe it was too many carbs, etc.
We do that. We obsess sometimes.
And then after I finished my lunch -- all too quickly, I might add....my God, it only takes me 3 minutes to eat....it takes me longer to make it! LOL -- I was 'still hungry' and Fat Brain started in again. She insisted it 'wasn't fair'. How come I had to DENY myself all the time?
And then I stopped myself.
Wait a minute.
Why do I keep saying "Can't"?
It's not "Can't". It's "Won't". Big difference! Can't is 'have to', but Won't is CHOOSING.
I CHOSE this. No one forced me.
I made a DECISION, when I joined this program way back in Feb. 2012, to CHANGE for GOOD.
To relearn decent eating habits and throw away my old habits.
To learn how to relate to food in a HEALTHIER way.
To battle "Fat Brain", once and for all, and win the battle for a slim and healthy body. Talk back to myself when I start lying to myself and saying stupid things like 'One won't hurt' or 'I deserve this' or 'Food is my only friend' (yep, I actually believed that).
And I KNEW it wasn't going to be easy. I mean, I'm not stupid....obviously it was going to be tough to throw away all my goodies and my 'bestest friends'.
To give up my comfort, my hiding place, and my solace. FOOD.
But I did it. Because I was determined to do it. Because I had had ENOUGH, already. Enough of the crazy diets, enough of the yo-yoing, enough of the hating myself.
I wanted to go all the way this time. I was committed to it.
And I DID it! I made it to goal!
So what if I'm struggling now? It happens.
What, did I think I would be 'cured' once I hit that magic number? No longer be a food addict? "Never" have to watch what I ate again? "Never" have to cut back ever again or go back on the 5/1?
That's unrealistic, gang. And it isn't true. Ask any veteran and they will tell you. Sometimes you HAVE to get strict with yourself....all over again! Not for as long, yes, and it's not as wrenching because you've been there, done that. You know what to expect. You're less confused. You don't have as many questions and you KNOW what to do.
But it's still never easy. If it were easy, everyone who lost the weight would keep it off.
And that's not true. We all know that. Lots of us regain. Sometimes over and over again!
And if you think that you'll 'never' have to watch what you eat once you get to goal, I hate to tell you, but you're living in la-la land.
And you WILL 'experiment' (trust me, we all do).
We try to have our cake (literally) and eat it too.
So we have to learn the HARD WAY.
So I'm still learning. I admit it. I know an awful lot about the 5/1, but the journey into myself is way more complicated. And neverending!
Even after over a year in maintenance. To be honest, I don't think I'll ever STOP learning. Because this food addiction thing is very, very tricky. Fat Brain is incredibly cunning and she will wait and pounce at my weakest moment.
So I have no choice but to fight back.
Wait a minute. No choice? There's that word again!
YES. I DO have a choice. I can choose to just go back and regain. No one's stopping me. Heck, no one would even know, right? Unless I show up at a Convention and everyone sees me 'huge'....how would people know? I could lie to myself....
But I don't want to do that. I never did. I have always lived my life honestly and I don't intend to start lying now. So ....
Where does that leave me?
It leaves me with handling my weight when I gain a few pounds, and having to go back on the 5/1.
It's not the end of the world. And I have in NO WAY regained the weight back....it's just a few extra pounds and I CAN get them off if I stay OP.
And I know how to stay OP. God knows I've done it before.
So why am I whining? This is a CHOICE, not 'denial'.
Every time I decide NOT to eat something 'extra' or off program, it's a CHOICE.
A choice towards health and my slim body.
Not denial. I'm doing this out of self LOVE. Because no one else will do it for me. Because I'm sick and tired of being the 'fat girl'. Because I like being able to move better, breathe better, fit into fashionable clothes, work out without 'dying', have my husband put his arms around me -- ALL the way around me -- easily.
I'm doing this so that when I look in the mirror I LIKE what I see.
I'm not punishing myself. I'm REWARDING myself. Every time I make the right choice I'm acting out of self love and honesty.
Every time I succumb to temptation, I'm deep in the mire of self-pity, depression, self-anger and LIES. Lies I believe that Fat Brain tells me. Lies I know aren't true. Lies like, "You'll NEVER be able to stay slim". And "You should be able to eat anything you want".
Well, the truth is, I AM able to eat anything I want. I just CHOOSE NOT TO!
I choose HEALTH. I choose LIFE. I choose SANITY. I choose SELF LOVE.
Bottom line? I talked myself out of going off program.
Again.
And listen to me... because this is important: Every time you talk yourself out of eating off program? Is a step in the right direction.
And as I said yesterday, all those 'baby steps' add up, little by little. It sometimes seems like you have a mountain to climb, but if you just keep reminding yourself that this is a CHOICE you made, and you want to be TRUE to yourself.....then it will all fall into place.
I choose HEALTH. I choose....slim Linda over fat Linda.
So onward. I don't know if the scale will cooperate next week....I certainly hope so, but I will continue to do what I know is right for my body and eventually I WILL see the rewards.
Sometimes it just takes longer. Some mornings are hard. Mondays will ALWAYS come around. But there's a light at the end of the tunnel if you remember that you are here for the long-haul, and that you're making a CHOICE. For YOU.
Keep on keepin' on!
First of all, I overslept. Never a good thing. Then I stepped on the scale Didn't like what I saw. At ALL.
I reminded myself that I didn't measure appropriately at dinner last night, and my meal was high in sodium. Therefore I could have eaten too much, and/or I could be retaining water. It happens. Also, I didn't sleep well last night. (believe it or not THAT can affect the scale as well). Plus I don't even have a really accurate 'starting point', since I last weighed in BEFORE I had a bad eating day a little less than a week ago. (oh - and it's only been 6 days, not 7). So I could've started a lot higher than I thought I did.
Lastly, it's not like I can lose 10 lbs. a week anymore.....I'm not 235 lbs anymore. We're talking a few extra 'didn't pay attention' pounds, that's all.
I know all these things intellectually. But it doesn't make it easier emotionally, does it?
I mean, we ALL get upset when the scale doesn't cooperate. We try NOT to, but it does tend to ruin your day, let's face it.
The trick is not to let it ruin your WEEK. To recover, realize that these things happen, and keep on. Bottom line, that old devil scale STILL has a way of getting to me. Sigh. And "Predicting" my weight loss is a mistake (have you been guilty of that? Oh yeah....you decide you 'had' to have lost 'at least' 4 lbs...then you get on the scale and see 1/2 lb and want to jump off a cliff! LOL) You really never know until you step on that scale. Right?
So I know better.
Not that it made it much easier.
So I went to the kitchen to make my breakfast. MF berry cereal and Almondbreeze AGAIN. Sigh....why is it I have to eat this stuff every morning? Why can't I indulge in 'real' pancakes, or thick waffles with oodles of butter and syrup the way I used to?
Because I've gotta watch my weight. That's why. Because I won't stop there....if I allowed myself to eat that kind of a breakfast I would go down that road all day long.
Can't do it.
CAN'T.
That's a dangerous word. (Pay attention whenever you use that word....it's Fat Brain in disguise trying to pull you down!)
Sigh....I've got the gym this morning. Didn't want to go. Glared at my poor DH when he woke up (he took one look at me and decided he was going to be very, very quiet this morning LOL). Fed the cats. Got ready. Grumbling to myself. WHY isn't the scale cooperating. "I'm depressed". "This SUCKS, I'm always having to do this, it's not fair yada yada".
We've all been there, right? You start telling yourself it's NOT FAIR, how come you can't eat whatever you want, how COME the scale isn't moving as fast as you want it to, how COME you have to deny yourself and 'starve' all the time?
Forced myself to get to Spinning class. To my surprise my instructor came in and announced she was in a bad mood because she 'gained 4 lbs' over the weekend. Wow, I'm NOT alone (and this girl is in SHAPE, believe me). She said her 16-year-old had a 'birthday weekend', and all weekend long she was surrounded by cakes and cookies and all kinds of assorted junk food that her daughter and her friends partied with. And that she, too, indulged in just a little too much of it, a glass or two of wine, etc. She was unhappy with herself but assured me, "Linda, we're BOTH in this together. We are ONE WORKOUT AWAY from a good mood".
Cool saying, right?
And it turned out to be true. I sweated it out during our hour-long Spinning class....as usual....was dripping by the time we were done, my legs were screaming at me, but I felt like a million bucks because once again I DID it, I made it through.
AND those endorphins had gotten kicked off in my brain....(endorphins are 'feel good' chemicals that somehow make you feel amazing when you're done with a hard workout, especially a cardio workout).
Plus just KNOWING I made it through was awesome. Spinning is by far my toughest class of the week. But I didn't cave and slink out of the class in abject humiliation (and yes, I have done that....my very first Spinning class...it was a disaster!)
I even made a new friend....a newbie by the name of Vicki who is in her 60s and struggled, but made it through (I gave her all the encouragement I could....even started a round of applause for her afterwards because I know it isn't easy!)
By the time I got home I was feeling a little better physically....tired, and sore....but better....but my head was still saying, "It's not FAIR" and I was still reviewing every last thing I had eaten yesterday, wondering if there was too much sodium, was I retaining water, maybe it was too many carbs, etc.
We do that. We obsess sometimes.
And then after I finished my lunch -- all too quickly, I might add....my God, it only takes me 3 minutes to eat....it takes me longer to make it! LOL -- I was 'still hungry' and Fat Brain started in again. She insisted it 'wasn't fair'. How come I had to DENY myself all the time?
And then I stopped myself.
Wait a minute.
Why do I keep saying "Can't"?
It's not "Can't". It's "Won't". Big difference! Can't is 'have to', but Won't is CHOOSING.
I CHOSE this. No one forced me.
I made a DECISION, when I joined this program way back in Feb. 2012, to CHANGE for GOOD.
To relearn decent eating habits and throw away my old habits.
To learn how to relate to food in a HEALTHIER way.
To battle "Fat Brain", once and for all, and win the battle for a slim and healthy body. Talk back to myself when I start lying to myself and saying stupid things like 'One won't hurt' or 'I deserve this' or 'Food is my only friend' (yep, I actually believed that).
And I KNEW it wasn't going to be easy. I mean, I'm not stupid....obviously it was going to be tough to throw away all my goodies and my 'bestest friends'.
To give up my comfort, my hiding place, and my solace. FOOD.
But I did it. Because I was determined to do it. Because I had had ENOUGH, already. Enough of the crazy diets, enough of the yo-yoing, enough of the hating myself.
I wanted to go all the way this time. I was committed to it.
And I DID it! I made it to goal!
So what if I'm struggling now? It happens.
What, did I think I would be 'cured' once I hit that magic number? No longer be a food addict? "Never" have to watch what I ate again? "Never" have to cut back ever again or go back on the 5/1?
That's unrealistic, gang. And it isn't true. Ask any veteran and they will tell you. Sometimes you HAVE to get strict with yourself....all over again! Not for as long, yes, and it's not as wrenching because you've been there, done that. You know what to expect. You're less confused. You don't have as many questions and you KNOW what to do.
But it's still never easy. If it were easy, everyone who lost the weight would keep it off.
And that's not true. We all know that. Lots of us regain. Sometimes over and over again!
And if you think that you'll 'never' have to watch what you eat once you get to goal, I hate to tell you, but you're living in la-la land.
And you WILL 'experiment' (trust me, we all do).
We try to have our cake (literally) and eat it too.
So we have to learn the HARD WAY.
So I'm still learning. I admit it. I know an awful lot about the 5/1, but the journey into myself is way more complicated. And neverending!
Even after over a year in maintenance. To be honest, I don't think I'll ever STOP learning. Because this food addiction thing is very, very tricky. Fat Brain is incredibly cunning and she will wait and pounce at my weakest moment.
So I have no choice but to fight back.
Wait a minute. No choice? There's that word again!
YES. I DO have a choice. I can choose to just go back and regain. No one's stopping me. Heck, no one would even know, right? Unless I show up at a Convention and everyone sees me 'huge'....how would people know? I could lie to myself....
But I don't want to do that. I never did. I have always lived my life honestly and I don't intend to start lying now. So ....
Where does that leave me?
It leaves me with handling my weight when I gain a few pounds, and having to go back on the 5/1.
It's not the end of the world. And I have in NO WAY regained the weight back....it's just a few extra pounds and I CAN get them off if I stay OP.
And I know how to stay OP. God knows I've done it before.
So why am I whining? This is a CHOICE, not 'denial'.
Every time I decide NOT to eat something 'extra' or off program, it's a CHOICE.
A choice towards health and my slim body.
Not denial. I'm doing this out of self LOVE. Because no one else will do it for me. Because I'm sick and tired of being the 'fat girl'. Because I like being able to move better, breathe better, fit into fashionable clothes, work out without 'dying', have my husband put his arms around me -- ALL the way around me -- easily.
I'm doing this so that when I look in the mirror I LIKE what I see.
I'm not punishing myself. I'm REWARDING myself. Every time I make the right choice I'm acting out of self love and honesty.
Every time I succumb to temptation, I'm deep in the mire of self-pity, depression, self-anger and LIES. Lies I believe that Fat Brain tells me. Lies I know aren't true. Lies like, "You'll NEVER be able to stay slim". And "You should be able to eat anything you want".
Well, the truth is, I AM able to eat anything I want. I just CHOOSE NOT TO!
I choose HEALTH. I choose LIFE. I choose SANITY. I choose SELF LOVE.
Bottom line? I talked myself out of going off program.
Again.
And listen to me... because this is important: Every time you talk yourself out of eating off program? Is a step in the right direction.
And as I said yesterday, all those 'baby steps' add up, little by little. It sometimes seems like you have a mountain to climb, but if you just keep reminding yourself that this is a CHOICE you made, and you want to be TRUE to yourself.....then it will all fall into place.
I choose HEALTH. I choose....slim Linda over fat Linda.
So onward. I don't know if the scale will cooperate next week....I certainly hope so, but I will continue to do what I know is right for my body and eventually I WILL see the rewards.
Sometimes it just takes longer. Some mornings are hard. Mondays will ALWAYS come around. But there's a light at the end of the tunnel if you remember that you are here for the long-haul, and that you're making a CHOICE. For YOU.
Keep on keepin' on!
No comments:
Post a Comment
Please send me your comments!
I will review and post if relevant...(with your initials only).