I'm going to get this weight off, or DIE trying!

Those are the very words I used when I started this program back in Feb. 2012.

I remember it distinctly. I was surfing the net, looking for info on gastric bypass surgery.
Having tried EVERYTHING to lose the weight, I was still hovering around 230 lbs, despite lowering my calories down to maybe 1200 a day (?) AND exercising!  

I just could NOT seem to lose any more weight.

And I was totally disgusted with myself. 

I had HAD it with being fat.

So I happened to land on the Medifast website, having clicked on an ad somewhere along the way.....and I could see it wasn't going to be easy, living on 'packets'.

But I turned to my husband and I said, "This is IT.  I've HAD it.  NO MORE DIETS.  I'm going to commit to this for one solid month, and if it doesn't work, I GIVE UP. But I am going to give it my all.  I'm gong to get this weight off or DIE trying!"

And after an amazing Week One, when my body went through all sorts of changes to get into ketosis and the weight started dropping off like crazy, I realized....there was something to this.  So I got even MORE committed.

And that commitment is something that I've turned to, again and again.


It's not willpower, guys.  If you think you can do this program through sheer willpower, and gritting your teeth to stay OP, think again.....because willpower fades. You simply cannot keep UP that level of enthusiasm that you had in the beginning.

So what carries you through?  COMMITMENT.  A sincere, honest, down bone-deep-to-your soul commitment to YOURSELF and your body, that you ARE going to do this, and you are not going to let ANYONE or ANYTHING -- even yourself! -- stop you.

You have to look yourself in the eye in the mirror and say "I'm going to DO this.  For as long as it takes."  And mean it!

If you can't or won't do that?  Then you are just wasting your time and money.

Because there is no 'try' here.  There is no just working the program during the week, or 'sometimes' when things are going well. 

If you do that, what's going to happen is, you'll be lucky if you can maintain the status quo (and then you'll be like, "Why isn't the scale going down?" LOL)....AND....sooner or later, you'll give up eventually.  And who could blame you?  If you're not losing weight, why bother, right?  Why put yourself through it?

100% Commitment is what this program requires.  24/7.  EVERY DAY.  Not just during the week!

Weekends.  Holidays.  Birthdays.  Anniversaries.  Vacations.  Cruises.  Family 'events'.  When under stress, with no time, when things are terrible, when things are wonderful. 

100% of the time.

And if you're committed, you don't have to worry about a thing, because your brain is engaged....and thinking of ways to help you.  It's true!

You will start -automatically- buying only the foods you can eat, and stop tempting yourself with having off plan foods in the house.  You will happily log everything you ate, being thrilled to see that you're staying OP and following all the rules properly.  You will plan in advance for your meals, whether in or out at a restaurant.  You will actually 'rehearse' in your head what you will say to the food pushers in your life.  And you will look FORWARD to getting on that scale once a week!
Because you KNOW you're doing well.  The scale is simply....validation.  That's all.

A former MFer named Freda Taylor wrote a book about her experiences on this program, called
"Suddenly Skinny".  I highly recommend it. 

She talks about willpower versus commitment.  She says willpower is like pushing a boulder UPHILL.
It's hard. VERY hard. In fact it's TOO hard -- and sooner or later, you're going to get tired and that boulder is NOT going to get any lighter and pretty soon, guess what? That boulder is going to run right over you as it cascades right back down the hill.  Epic fail time!

But when you use COMMITMENT instead, when you make up your mind that NOTHING is going to stop you anymore, you stop fighting and start just finding ways to make it work for you.  You aren't pushing a boulder uphill anymore.

You've made up your mind, once and for all. There are no 'choices' anymore, no 'battles' over every little thing, every food, every occasion, every bite, because you don't even let it enter your consciousness.
You become single-minded and focused and so dedicated to staying OP that you DON'T CARE what ANYONE thinks anymore. You can bring lettuce to an event and not bat an eye (and if people roll their eyes? TOUGH!  What do THEY look like? What are THEY? eating?  AHA!!!)

And you know what? You're no longer having to push that boulder up the hill. Staying OP becomes easier...kind of like 'riding the bus' instead of running alongside trying to catch it (that's an analogy that Nick, our behaviorist, talks about all the time). 

And you're sailing along in your 100% OP sailboat, under wind power, effortlessly.

I'll take commitment over willpower ANY day!

And I can definitely testify to the truth of willpower vs. commitment because I experienced it, firsthand.

In the beginning, I WAS commitment....and I was enthusiastic.  Everything was rolling along beautifully and I thought 'What's the big deal?' when I read blogs from people who were struggling.  This was EASY, just follow the program! 

(Pride goeth before a Fall LOL)....

But about 6 months in, I had lost about 40 lbs and was maybe halfway to goal.  I was finally in 'Onederland', and no longer in 2X clothes....I felt good, looked good, loved the compliments I was getting, and the really horrible things you go through when you're morbidly obese (like not being able to fit behind a steering wheel or use a seatbelt or tie your sneakers or take a bath or even SEE your feet or having your thighs rub together painfully or....shall I go on? You get the idea...) ...were gone.  I wasn't morbidly obese anymore.  I was still overweight, don't get me wrong....but I wasn't THAT bad anymore.

And I started to obsess about the holidays coming up.

I also started to get bored, and my fat brain started really whining about 'how long is this gonna TAKE?', etc.

Even worse, I plateaued on the scale for a few weeks (although the definition of a 'real' plateau is at LEAST 3 weeks with no gain, no loss).  But tell that to anyone doing this program who sees the scale not move after 2 weeks!  It's very very hard to stay OP when that happens

So I went through this period of 'what am I doing WRONG?', and I asked everyone and agonized over every sip of Crystal Light and every teaspoon of cinnamon and felt like a 'failure' because I still used Splenda and was still addicted to artificial sweeteners and sweet stuff in general and there were lots of people on this website telling me I had better be stricter with myself and that I was probably eating too many carbs, etc...

So I started to REALLY overanalyze, and pretty soon ....it all backfired.

My fat brain kept telling me I was going to cave over the holidays anyway.  I might as well 'take a break' from Medifast.

So I did!  I decided I was just 'taking a break', and that I could always RE-lose the weight, after all, I knew MF worked, I had it in my back pocket, ready to go.  NO PROBLEM.

So I succumbed BIGtime over the holidays that first year, and ate like there was no tomorrow.

I threw the program aside.... 'I'm taking a break!' I told everyone. And I ate like a madwoman. I binged.

All the foods I had been denying myself I ate ate ate. I ate nearly 24/7. I even ate in bed at night. I got up in the middle of the night to eat. I snuck food. I made secret trips to the grocery store to grab goodies and ate half of them on the way home. It was awful. I totally LOST CONTROL.

And then, come January when I went to get back OP?  I could NOT DO IT.

I would stay OP for half a day and then cave.  Or sometimes not even an hour before I'd cave.
And then, maybe 1 day and I'd cave.  Then two days.  It went like this, over and over and over again. 

WHY?  Because I was trying to push that boulder up the hill. And I just couldn't DO it anymore. I didn't have the strength!

So I gave up, and I suffered because of it. I felt like a failure.
I started to tell myself maybe MF wasn't 'for me'. Maybe this was what it was like...THIS was why so many people gained it all back. It wasn't "sustainable". Not really.

But wait...I was still reading this website and I could see that there were people AT GOAL who were maintaining...how did they do it? What did THEY have that I didn't have? What was their secret?

I had to get COMMITTED again. 

I had to dig down DEEP, and re-visit my reasons for losing the weight in the first place. 

I cried myself to sleep. I started praying...constantly. I prayed for strength. I prayed for guidance. And something, somewhere told me to just 'hang on' and keep reading on this website.

So I did. I felt like a 'traitor', a pb&j sandwich in one hand, my laptop in the other, but I kept reading.
Lots of blogs. Lots of recommendations.

And I decided to disregard some of the more outlandish suggestions (like 'no more Splenda'...sorry, can't do it...not yet anyway) and to try and sift through and take away the ideas/suggestions that would HELP me.

And finally, little by little, as I read books that people recommended, and read blogs that had helpful tips and hints, I started to assemble a plan of action. I started to really get INTO MY OWN HEAD and figure out WHY I was going down the wrong path all the time.

I mean, literally every morning I'd get up and say to myself 'TODAY I'm staying OP. 100% OP. NO MORE GAMES. Just DO IT.'

But every night I'd go to bed feeling like a failure because I screwed up...AGAIN.

What went wrong, each and every time?

So I started to FORCE MYSELF into stopping after I'd cheated or binged, (when the last thing I wanted to do was 'relive it') and instead of just feeling guilty and like I wanted to 'forget and try again'...I started to, instead, tear APART my eating binges and figure out WHY.

- What were the circumstances?
- What was I FEELING inside?
- What 'triggers' sparked this 'hungry monster' instead of me? Was it a particular food I saw or had access to?  A TV commercial? (sad, but true...these commercials are DESIGNED to make you salivate!) A memory? An event?
- What did I see? What did I do? What did people say to me? What kind of mood was I in? What kind of mood was DH in? (AHA...that's a biggie for me...when he's 'grouchy' I get ... weirded out, is the best way to put it...I start stress-eating because I'm afraid he's 'mad at me' or is going to be a rotten GROUCH the rest of day/night/or weekend!  WHY AM I LETTING HIM RUIN MY DAY?)
- What was surrounding me? We are visual people...we sometimes take 'clues' from our environment....my instructor yesterday (who is in terrific shape) told me that she LOVEs eating greens beans (God bless her) and would eat a 'ton' of them, but if she opens her refrigerator and sees a pie instead, she's gonna eat THAT.
Well, DUH, right? Don't keep the pie where you can see it! -- and in our case, what are we doing with pie in our houses to begin with? LOL
- Was I angry? Depressed? Lonely?
- What 'need' was I trying to fill with food?

By asking these and similar questions, I was able to form a 'battle plan' and begin to ANTICIPATE where/when I'd run into problems.

And little by little, I found my 'mojo' again and I got RECOMMITTED to the program.

Because I was still DETERMINED to lose the weight!  My commitment wasn't gone, it just got buried under a maze of uncertainty, stress, boredom and maybe a little bit of feeling sorry for myself.

Being tired and overstressed are 'biggie' food triggers for me. I immediately think of FOOD as a way to 'calm down' and be comforted. So I NEED to have my meals on time. EVERY SINGLE DAY. Every 3 hours ... or I'm in trouble.

So I made SURE I always had a plan every day (I wrote it out ahead of time, the night before, keeping my schedule in mind), and I packed extra MF meals in my car's console and my purse 'just in case'. I always bring at least TWO (and sometimes 3!) filled water bottles with me whenever I leave the house. I refuse to do without my water...it's a lifesaver for me.

Being ANGRY was a big one, too. I learned how to do deep breathing and to remind myself 'this too shall pass'. I realized that FOOD wasn't going to solve my issue...all it was doing was 'postponing' the hurt and anger, and giving myself TWO problems now...my original anger, PLUS the fact that I went off program!
I also reminded myself that TIME, however, probably would 'solve it'! (isn't it amazing how we can be FURIOUS over something, and then a couple hours later it all 'dissipates'?)

I learned ways to cope. I substituted grazing and writing on this website instead of grazing in my kitchen. I started getting into computer games to keep my hands (and my head) busy and happy and relaxed. I got into my gardening and became a 'gym nut'. I blogged like krazy.

And the biggest thing? I learned to STOP trying to push that boulder up the hill...and instead I really focused on being COMMITTED. 100% COMMITTED to the program. ALL THE WAY.

I decided to HECK with the scale. No matter what it said, I was going to stay 100% OP. And that meant 100%. No extra bites. One bite, in my case? WILL hurt. Because it does a number on my head!  I don't need those kinds of arguments. Why bother?

It's like a 'test'...can I have that one bite and stay OP?

Well, why DO that to yourself?
Why not just NOT have that first bite and avoid the whole mess in the first place?

I became 'religious' about 'levelling off' my measurements. I measured EVERYTHING, and/or weighed everything. I consulted my Quick start guide or program materials whenever I had a question about ANYTHING, I never 'guessed' anymore. And I NEVER EVER let myself have ANYTHING 'extra'....no matter HOW hard a day I was having.

As a result? DH had heavy-duty shoulder surgery and was in the hospital, then recovering for months...and our income went WAY DOWN.
But I still found a way to order my MF meals and stayed OP ANYWAY.

My Dad wound up in the hospital with bronchitis (he's 85) and couldn't even get a full sentence out he was so out of breath. It was scary....and I visited him often and took my mother to the hospital and negotiated between the two of them (they still fight like little kids sometimes), and it was a LOT of stress but I STAYED OP. I remember eating a lettuce salad in the hospital cafeteria while my mother chowed down on chocolate chip cookies. I remember eating MF bars on the way to/from the hospital. I remember having my L&G at 9:30 at night because I just hadn't had a chance to eat before then.

I did WHAT I HAD TO DO to stay OP.  WHATEVER I had to do.

I no longer had 'one extra MF bag of cheddar chips' because I 'needed them', I 'worked out harder' today. NO WAY. No matter HOW I was feeling, I stayed OP. No more games. No more cheats.

And the result was I finally got out of my plateau. It didn't happen overnight...there were times when I thought the scale was struck permanently at 186. (my fat brain kept telling me that 186 was my 'setpoint'. Argh....!)

But I stayed OP 'anyway'. I just got STUBBORN about it.

I looked down at that scale and I said 'OK, it's me or you, pal. And I'm gonna WIN. Just watch me.
I am going to OUTLAST you'.

And I did!

I got COMMITTED and left the boulder behind. I got ON the bus instead of running alongside it. NO MORE EXCUSES.

And something WONDERFUL happened.

It got EASIER!  Staying OP became...second nature! A habit! I actually found myself ENJOYING my days. Looking forward to my meals...however small they might be! And no longer having to 'fight' my fat brain and/or inner child every 5 minutes. She SHUT UP and went in a corner. YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(of course she isn't 'dead'. She never will be. She's just waiting for her opportunity...but I'm onto her! LOL)

THAT is the difference between willpower and commitment.

So if you're struggling, find a way to GET COMMITTED again. 

And once you do?  Just...keep on keepin' on!   And you WILL get to goal.