"Control"

I've been struggling with my control issues lately.

Maybe - just maybe - if life seems to continually let you down, disappoint you, depress you.... -- if you feel you're frustrated much of the time;  if arguments and animosity seem to follow you wherever you go --

    Maybe you, too, have a control issue.

What do I mean by that?

Well, I've learned that one of my biggest flaws, in terms of character, is that I like --
No, I NEED (!) -- to be in control. 

Basically all the time.

Of ... Everything. 

How my day goes.  What people say to me and how I'm treated.  What's going to happen, when, and where, and why, and to whom....you get the idea.

I have... expectations.  My routine is set up 'just so', and whoa be it to ANYONE who interferes with it! 

I want things done 'my' way.  I'm even prepared to admit that perhaps, my way isn't the BEST way - but that doesn't matter. 

I STILL want it 'my' way.

I'm not sure how, why, or when I developed into such a controlling 'know-it-all'....but I don't LIKE what I've become. 

And the funny thing about trying to control everything is....

THE MORE YOU TRY TO CONTROL EVERYTHING,
THE LESS CONTROL YOU ACTUALLY HAVE!

It's true!  People are human beings and they will REBEL if you constantly tell them what to do.  Period.  Sometimes JUST to 'be different', to assert themselves.  LOL. 

And the MORE you swear you KNOW....the less you'll actually LEARN because you're so close-minded...and let's face it, who wants to argue with a know-it-all?

Better to nod and smile and....don't say anything...but get away AS FAST AS THEY CAN.

This is just human nature. 

HUMILITY.
Compassion.
Understanding.
A willingness to LEARN.
A willingness to say "I don't know" (!!!) 

or even....(heaven forbid!) LOL...
"I'm sorry".

And MOST of all, a more RELAXED attitude needs to be cultivated.  Wherein I simply "Go with the flow". 

These are incredibly important virtues if I want to live a HAPPY life. 

And let's face it.  The happier you are, the less likely you are to overeat, right?

After all, how many times have you overeaten out of...
- Frustration
- Anger
- Depression
- Despair
- Confusion
- Annoyance
- That "Screw it" attitude.  Know where that comes from?  That comes from GIVING UP
because life just ISN'T going 'your way'.

Well, NONE of us is EVER going to be able to direct our lives the way we want to. 
Oh, we can make plans....we can dream...we can get ready, we can prepare and study and predict till the cows come home...

But LIFE will intervene, sooner or later.  The unexpected is what life is all about!

Think about it.  If you spend all your time waiting for those people around you to make a mistake....if you continually criticize and find fault....if you judge and judge, to the nth degree, about what 'he said' or 'she said' or HOW they said it or someone looked at you cross-eyed or....you name it....

You're going to spend an AWFUL lot of time complaining. 

And sooner or later?  You will be complaining...ALONE.

With NO ONE to criticize and berate....except of course, YOURSELF.

I'm still learning these hard lessons about control, little by little.  I find it's a lot easier now to say "I don't know".  (I need to add "What do YOU think?" to that, I think....)....
I DO say "I'm sorry" now.  A lot more often. 

And most of all I've learned not to jump to conclusions or immediately spout out the answers....because guess what?  I may be (horrors!)...WRONG!   :)

It's easy to fall back into old habits, though.  But when I make a concerted effort to remind myself that:
a).  I don't control EVERYTHING (very little, in fact.  Think about it!  How much do YOU control?  We can't control what happens with our jobs or the traffic or that jerk you had to deal with on the phone or behind the counter, or the latest shooting or bombing incident on the news 'wherever' (because these happen almost DAILY, somewhere around the world). 
You can't control the weather or the mood your husband is in or even your OWN moods sometimes...and there are any NUMBER of things that can go 'wrong' or are unexpected in life. 
b).  If you realize that a). is true, you then come to the inevitable conclusion that you have two choices:  - either FIGHT that lack of control (which expends a lot of energy and gets you nowhere) - OR....relax and 'go with it'.  Move around it.  Go with it.  Go away from it.  Whatever you need to do but don't spend too much time RANTING about it.  Because it is what it is, right?  Stuff happens. 

The one thing we CAN control?  Is our REACTION to events.  We can get all upset and frustrated and nervous and anxious and depressed....or we can shake our heads, understand that 'this is the way it is', control what you CAN control but accept what you cannot control -- and be CALMER.  HAPPIER. 

And to some extent?  You CAN control your 'inputs'.  No one is forcing you to watch the news on TV (and get disgusted because it's more about what movie star left whom, than the important world events).  You can get your news in other ways -- more serious channels, perhaps...or news outlets on the internet, or even an old-fashioned newspaper.  You can do research YOURSELF into what you're interested in in terms of 'what's happening right now' in the world. 

You can even choose to NOT WATCH AT ALL!  I tried this some months ago and was amazed...because somehow?  The really important events I found out about 'anyway', and the rest was just flotsam and jetsam....unimportant 'fluff' that I was better off not hearing. 

"Garbage in, Garbage out".  If you listen to garbage, that's the information you're giving your brain.  But you don't have to. 

You can choose to surround yourself with vital, warm, understanding and compassionate people.  You can reduce the tension and frustration in your life by shutting the door on it and doing things that make you happy.  We all DO have SOME free time in our lives....choose what you do with that free time carefully.  Do things that MAKE YOU HAPPY.  Surround yourself with those who bring you JOY and LAUGHTER. 

And life will get easier....and happier!  ... in the long run.

At the time same?  You become more OPEN - to LEARNING.  Being open and humble enough to accept that you don't know everything - to open your EARS instead of your MOUTH - is an enlightening experience.  "You learn something new every day"....but ONLY if you're OPEN to it.  No one will tell you differently if you always react negatively with anyone who disagrees with you.  Right? 

Especially with this current political climate...and the upcoming election...I think it's smart to think carefully, instead of jumping up and down and swear your position is 'right' and anyone who disagrees with you is 'stupid' or 'deluded'.  Be OPEN to another viewpoint. 

Maybe if we all do that we'll create a better world.  Right?

And in terms of your eating and your control in your own daily life?  Learn to RELAX and stop making judgments about every little thing and getting frustrated when things don't quite turn out like you planned. 

Because life events - and human beings - are unpredictable by DESIGN. 
How boring would life be if it wasn't this way? 

The more you try to force everyone to play 'your tune', the more out of key they will be. LOL.

Conversely, when you STOP trying to be the Conductor, and become a LISTENER and maybe PARTICIPANT instead.....the music gets better.  More thrilling.  More unexpected.  In a GOOD way!  The unknown and unpredictable doesn't have to be 'all bad'.

Sometimes it can be very, very good...if you're open to it.

Be a participant and a LISTENER in your life....not a Conductor. 

You will be amazed, astounded, and delighted.  I promise!

And when things go wrong?  You don't have to figure it out or explain it -- you can simply have compassion about it and LISTEN for any overtones or messages the event might be trying to tell you.  You can LEARN.

WITHOUT .... JUDGING!

So...I admit it...and I submit this to you....NO ONE KNOWS EVERYTHING. 

God HELP us if someone did.  Right? 

And NONE of us can CONTROL 'everything'. 

So...why TRY to?

REDUCE your anger, your frustration, your depression, your anxiety, and your despair.....by lettting GO of expectations and the need to control.  No one says you have to become a doormat, but you CAN let go of the reins once in awhile. 

It's only going to benefit your eating.  Because happy people don't HAVE to dive into the "double-chocolate-fudge-'whatever' ". 

CALM, contented people who don't try to control everything get more DONE, have less FRUSTRATION, Sleep better, have lower blood pressure, have less stress headaches and less STRESS in general! 

And that's something we ALL can aspire to.

So what does this mean to me?  It means that I will continue to FIGHT my own controlling nature and 'need to be right'.  LOL.  I will endeavor to become more spontaneous, more open to others' opinions, more likely to admit when I'm wrong and to say "I'm sorry". 

I will be more open to compromise.  And RELAX and LET GO. 

"Go with the Flow".  Keep that in mind.  ENJOY life for what it IS, not for what it 'should be'. 

Get rid of the need to be right and understand that sometimes it's better to simply nod and smile. 

And keep my (big) mouth shut.  LOL

Have a great day everyone....Keep on keepin' on!

Linda