Hi
all. Having a not-so-great Thursday....I pulled my lower back this
week, I think in Spinning class, and I'm paying for it bigtime in pain.
Been living on painkillers and hot baths and RESTING.
It's hard not to feel sorry for myself, you know what I mean?
Those old 'scripts' in my head start playing again.... whenever I feel bad....am in pain, or sick, or depressed.... over and over in my head.
"Eat something, you'll feel better".
UGH. That's a biggie.
In fact I would rate that phrase as among the top FIVE 'worst' things I ever told myself.
Also on the list are the following:
"One won't hurt" (oh boy, famous last words, right?)
"Well, you blew it NOW...might as well eat whatever you want and go BACK OP tomorrow"
(how many binges has this caused you? For me it's been MULTIPLE binges).
"I NEED this because (insert reason here...bad day, stressed out, sick, mad at someone, whatever) ________________"
"I DESERVE this because (insert thing you got through here...a trying situation, a success, something that you feel deserves a 'reward') ____________"
Isn't it amazing the things we (i.e., Fat Brain) can tell us, and we BELIEVE?
But we believe because we WANT to believe!
Because we're looking for an 'out' clause, secretly.
For example, this past week I read several blogs from people wondering if they were sick because of the soy in the MF meals. Or maybe they had hives because of the soy. Or maybe this program doesn't WORK for everyone. Yada yada.
Guys....this is your FAT BRAIN talking....!!!! Honest!
Oh BOY is she sneaky! She can come up with some real doozies! Make you think it makes perfectly LOGICAL sense, when in fact it's a jumble of facts that don't add up and never will!
It's like saying '2+2 = 6' and BELIEVING it! LOL!
It's OK....listen, I'VE BEEN THERE!
I've done that kind of thing. Many, many times. Too many to count!
Just last night, after a hard day...with the above-mentioned back pain plus some added irritant in the form of my mother's headgames....(sigh...long story, you don't want to know)....resulted in my feeling pretty down, frankly.
DH said to me he feels for me, because my mother is....well, let's just say she's not what I would have designed if I had designed a good Mom, know what I mean? A good Mom should always be on your side, and should build you UP, not bring you down.
And she shouldn't lie to you or play headgames with you.
But that's just my opinion. It's how I hope I am with my stepkids and grandkids, anyway....how I try to be.
But that's not the case with my own mother and it gets me down sometimes.
And it makes me feel SORRY for myself.
UGH.
Don't you HATE feeling sorry for yourself?
I mean, it's not like I have it bad! I'm living in the United States. That alone puts me in the top 10 percentile in terms of the human race. I'm free. I have my own home and a roof over my head and enough food to eat and a husband that adores me. I'm doing very very well. I LOVE my career and helping people, I adore my stepkids and grandkids and my pets, and I'm generally a very happy, fulfilled person.
BUT!!! Every day is NOT nirvana! That's impossible on this Earth because we're MEANT to go through certain trials and tribulations here. I really believe that 'Earth' is like 'school'....for our souls!
And even though I've done a lot of work on my SOUL lately, on my spirituality, looking for answers (and in many cases FINDING them, believe it or not), and how I understand that each trial has a REASON behind it and I'm learning and growing from each of them.....it's hard to stop Fat Brain from whispering in my ear that I'll 'feel better' if I binge.
Well, sure....I'll feel better....for maybe 5 minutes. But then the guilt will set in.
And the shame. And the anger that I DID IT AGAIN! I binged!
NO. No no no no no. I won't GO THERE. I REFUSE to punish myself for having feelings or for feeling down or having a bad day.
We ALL have bad days. We ALL have our trials and tribulations. In my case, my mother is one of mine on an ongoing basis (LOL). And I deal with it. I do what I have to do to survive and to avoid being manipulated (because she's a MASTER manipulator).
I take care of my little family, my DH, my cats and myself....and my home.
Deep down I'm a homebody at heart.....I love to garden, I love to have my cats cuddle in my lap, I love to read and watch funny movies and sing and listen to music and exercise and generally take care of my house.
DH and I went to the local Home Depot the other day and we wandered around (we had time to kill between his doctor appointments) and just fantasized about what we would upgrade. For example, we looked at stoves....ranges with like, 6 burners, and a super-duper 'fast' self cleaning feature (supposedly no odor, and it doesn't take 4 hours anymore...!) ...hey it was only $1600. (LOL)....
And new refrigerators....and new washer dryers.....
And then we looked at Jacuzzi tubs....and I KNOW that my DH knows how much I would love one of these so when we got home I caught him measuring our tub. He said, "Well I just wanted to see, if we replaced this tub with a jacuzzi, could we do it'.
Not that we can afford it. But you never know....someday....and hey, it was so sweet of him to think of this! He's always thinking. Just wants to make me happy.
LOVE THAT MAN!
LOL. Anyway. It was nice to dream. It's always nice to dream.
And DH and I have -- and will continue to -- work together to IMPROVE our home, to make it the best it can be, because that's what matters to us. What 'counts' in our lives. What we LOVE. We'd rather spend the weekend at home with each other than running the roads or off on vacation someplace. Really! We're happiest at HOME. LOL
But obviously we can't afford ALL the improvements we want. I mean, you can go krazy with some of this stuff! Gold plated ceramic special super-duper limited edition etc. LOL
But reality IS reality, and you have to work with the cards you're dealt, right?
So you soldier on! Every bad day has a silver lining....because if and when you get through it OP, there are a series of GOOD days you can look forward to.
I've seen this myself in my own life over and over and over again. All I have to do is buck up and stay strong, and I'll get through it to the other side, and wind up feeling like a MILLION BUCKS because I stayed the course, I stayed STRONG, and I learned from it and came out even STRONGER!
The next time life hands you 'lemons', remember it's just a test of strength, of character.
Can you persist on the bad days? You won't only have 'good' days when you get to goal, you know. Life doesn't suddenly all get rosy. It gets nicer, definitely....when you don't have the extra weight to worry about...!....BUT....it doesn't just 'solve itself' anymore. You still will have your bad days. You still will get sick sometimes or have pain or have to deal with family issues, good, bad or indifferent....and you have to find ways to get through them WITHOUT stuffing your face. Right?
I think I'll take a nap today. And maybe a bath, too. LOL.
Some days you have to soothe yourself, that's all. The secret is, do it WITHOUT overeating. THEN you're making progress!
You can DO it. Baby steps. Some days you'll succeed, some you won't. But you'll learn from it.
Keep on!!!
It's hard not to feel sorry for myself, you know what I mean?
Those old 'scripts' in my head start playing again.... whenever I feel bad....am in pain, or sick, or depressed.... over and over in my head.
"Eat something, you'll feel better".
UGH. That's a biggie.
In fact I would rate that phrase as among the top FIVE 'worst' things I ever told myself.
Also on the list are the following:
"One won't hurt" (oh boy, famous last words, right?)
"Well, you blew it NOW...might as well eat whatever you want and go BACK OP tomorrow"
(how many binges has this caused you? For me it's been MULTIPLE binges).
"I NEED this because (insert reason here...bad day, stressed out, sick, mad at someone, whatever) ________________"
"I DESERVE this because (insert thing you got through here...a trying situation, a success, something that you feel deserves a 'reward') ____________"
Isn't it amazing the things we (i.e., Fat Brain) can tell us, and we BELIEVE?
But we believe because we WANT to believe!
Because we're looking for an 'out' clause, secretly.
For example, this past week I read several blogs from people wondering if they were sick because of the soy in the MF meals. Or maybe they had hives because of the soy. Or maybe this program doesn't WORK for everyone. Yada yada.
Guys....this is your FAT BRAIN talking....!!!! Honest!
Oh BOY is she sneaky! She can come up with some real doozies! Make you think it makes perfectly LOGICAL sense, when in fact it's a jumble of facts that don't add up and never will!
It's like saying '2+2 = 6' and BELIEVING it! LOL!
It's OK....listen, I'VE BEEN THERE!
I've done that kind of thing. Many, many times. Too many to count!
Just last night, after a hard day...with the above-mentioned back pain plus some added irritant in the form of my mother's headgames....(sigh...long story, you don't want to know)....resulted in my feeling pretty down, frankly.
DH said to me he feels for me, because my mother is....well, let's just say she's not what I would have designed if I had designed a good Mom, know what I mean? A good Mom should always be on your side, and should build you UP, not bring you down.
And she shouldn't lie to you or play headgames with you.
But that's just my opinion. It's how I hope I am with my stepkids and grandkids, anyway....how I try to be.
But that's not the case with my own mother and it gets me down sometimes.
And it makes me feel SORRY for myself.
UGH.
Don't you HATE feeling sorry for yourself?
I mean, it's not like I have it bad! I'm living in the United States. That alone puts me in the top 10 percentile in terms of the human race. I'm free. I have my own home and a roof over my head and enough food to eat and a husband that adores me. I'm doing very very well. I LOVE my career and helping people, I adore my stepkids and grandkids and my pets, and I'm generally a very happy, fulfilled person.
BUT!!! Every day is NOT nirvana! That's impossible on this Earth because we're MEANT to go through certain trials and tribulations here. I really believe that 'Earth' is like 'school'....for our souls!
And even though I've done a lot of work on my SOUL lately, on my spirituality, looking for answers (and in many cases FINDING them, believe it or not), and how I understand that each trial has a REASON behind it and I'm learning and growing from each of them.....it's hard to stop Fat Brain from whispering in my ear that I'll 'feel better' if I binge.
Well, sure....I'll feel better....for maybe 5 minutes. But then the guilt will set in.
And the shame. And the anger that I DID IT AGAIN! I binged!
NO. No no no no no. I won't GO THERE. I REFUSE to punish myself for having feelings or for feeling down or having a bad day.
We ALL have bad days. We ALL have our trials and tribulations. In my case, my mother is one of mine on an ongoing basis (LOL). And I deal with it. I do what I have to do to survive and to avoid being manipulated (because she's a MASTER manipulator).
I take care of my little family, my DH, my cats and myself....and my home.
Deep down I'm a homebody at heart.....I love to garden, I love to have my cats cuddle in my lap, I love to read and watch funny movies and sing and listen to music and exercise and generally take care of my house.
DH and I went to the local Home Depot the other day and we wandered around (we had time to kill between his doctor appointments) and just fantasized about what we would upgrade. For example, we looked at stoves....ranges with like, 6 burners, and a super-duper 'fast' self cleaning feature (supposedly no odor, and it doesn't take 4 hours anymore...!) ...hey it was only $1600. (LOL)....
And new refrigerators....and new washer dryers.....
And then we looked at Jacuzzi tubs....and I KNOW that my DH knows how much I would love one of these so when we got home I caught him measuring our tub. He said, "Well I just wanted to see, if we replaced this tub with a jacuzzi, could we do it'.
Not that we can afford it. But you never know....someday....and hey, it was so sweet of him to think of this! He's always thinking. Just wants to make me happy.
LOVE THAT MAN!
LOL. Anyway. It was nice to dream. It's always nice to dream.
And DH and I have -- and will continue to -- work together to IMPROVE our home, to make it the best it can be, because that's what matters to us. What 'counts' in our lives. What we LOVE. We'd rather spend the weekend at home with each other than running the roads or off on vacation someplace. Really! We're happiest at HOME. LOL
But obviously we can't afford ALL the improvements we want. I mean, you can go krazy with some of this stuff! Gold plated ceramic special super-duper limited edition etc. LOL
But reality IS reality, and you have to work with the cards you're dealt, right?
So you soldier on! Every bad day has a silver lining....because if and when you get through it OP, there are a series of GOOD days you can look forward to.
I've seen this myself in my own life over and over and over again. All I have to do is buck up and stay strong, and I'll get through it to the other side, and wind up feeling like a MILLION BUCKS because I stayed the course, I stayed STRONG, and I learned from it and came out even STRONGER!
The next time life hands you 'lemons', remember it's just a test of strength, of character.
Can you persist on the bad days? You won't only have 'good' days when you get to goal, you know. Life doesn't suddenly all get rosy. It gets nicer, definitely....when you don't have the extra weight to worry about...!....BUT....it doesn't just 'solve itself' anymore. You still will have your bad days. You still will get sick sometimes or have pain or have to deal with family issues, good, bad or indifferent....and you have to find ways to get through them WITHOUT stuffing your face. Right?
I think I'll take a nap today. And maybe a bath, too. LOL.
Some days you have to soothe yourself, that's all. The secret is, do it WITHOUT overeating. THEN you're making progress!
You can DO it. Baby steps. Some days you'll succeed, some you won't. But you'll learn from it.
Keep on!!!
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