Confidence!

One of the most fascinating things I've noticed, during my time on this website and on my own journey, is the development of CONFIDENCE as I move forward.

The other day I was reminded of this when I got to the gym.
There's a girl there that I know 'in passing'; I see her in some of my classes and we chat occasionally but we've never been formally introduced or anything.

She's nice enough...but she had been calling me "Libby"...for weeks!

So the other day she said "Good morning, Libby" and I responded  (without even thinking too much about it):
"LINDA. My name is LINDA".
I was on my way to a class and in a hurry, and she was heading into the ladies locker room so that was that...but of course, as soon as she saw me next she ran up to me and apologized profusely.



I laughed. "Hey, it's not YOUR fault", I said. "I heard you calling me by the wrong name like, 8 or 9 TIMES before I corrected you!"
(which was very very true...! LOL)
And we both laughed together about it.

Isn't it funny how sometimes we don't speak up? We think "Oh, it's not a big deal....I shouldn't make a big deal out of it".

But getting your name wrong is...well, it's kind of important, isn't it?

And isn't people respecting you enough to use it important?

Of course it is! Yet in the old days...when I was obese? I never would've said a WORD. I realized that today. NO WAY would I have said anything! Heaven forbid I 'rocked the boat', right? Heaven forbid I stood up or stood OUT in any way, shape or form.

Instead I wanted to 'blend into the woodwork'. Hopefully no one would NOTICE me because I hated the way I looked so much.
No one would make fun of me, if they didn't even notice me, right?

In classes I'd always be the one in the "far corner".

In holiday pictures I was always in the back. IF they could catch me at all!
.... if I could I'd 'leave early' before the cameras came out.
Or I'd make some excuse. Go to the bathroom. ANYTHING to get away from that camera.

If my husband spoke to me harshly I'd think twice, three times, no maybe even MORE than that before I spoke up. And then ... very likely? I wouldn't say a WORD. Believing, again, that it was 'too much trouble' to open my mouth. What if he got MAD?

Not that I was worried he'd leave me...but just having him MAD at me was enough to send me into a tizzy.

NOT ANYMORE! LOL....believe me. He's been furious with me. Just recently he didn't speak to me for an entire weekend! Over something that personally I wouldn't change....and wasn't sorry about. So why should I apologize? 

On the other hand I didn't want to get into an argument over something we'd gone over and over an nauseum and he just 'wasn't getting', so .... I just let it go and moved on. I didn't let it GET to me.

Of course I was upset. But I didn't binge. And I didn't stress....overmuch, anyway. I told myself the problem was HIS (which in this case, it certainly WAS) and I didn't worry.

THAT was a new experience for me, believe me.
TOTALLY new.

I hear it in some of your blogs, you know. The newfound CONFIDENCE. The feeling that you ARE worth it....you DO matter, and that your life is JUST BEGINNING.

And I LOVE it. It's the thing I love MOST about getting to goal on this journey. Oh, don't get me wrong...the clothes are wonderful....the physical changes are wonderful...the newfound energy is wonderful. Lots of things about getting to goal are wonderful.

But the confidence? Is something that still astounds me. I thought I -was- confident! But...guess what? I'm not! I'm still NOT!

I still have a ways to go in that area. I feel it when I find myself automatically slouching...and have to remind myself to hold my head HIGH and put my shoulders DOWN and BACK and stand TALL.

I feel it whenever I want 'A' and everyone else wants 'B'. (regardless of what it is). Who am I to argue, right? MY needs don't count.

OR DO THEY?

What do I have to be ashamed of? Why am I HIDING?

We are ... all of us ... so, so WORTH IT. It's time I realized that.
It's PAST time I accepted that.

So if you feel more confident? EMBRACE it. CHERISH it.

And realize that this confidence is a wonderful thing, and that it will CONTINUE to grow....with time and experience.

And it will take a big leap forward every time you resist the urge to go off program. Every time you resist a craving. Every time you stay TRUE to your goals and your food plan and do NOT succumb to the fleeting pleasure from eating or drinking something you know is not OP.

And the more confident you get, the more you can say NO and STAY OP. And then your confidence grows even more! It's like a GOOD 'vicious circle', if you will....one good thing leading to another and another....and you find yourself sailing along, getting closer and closer to goal.

And once you get to goal? It doesn't end there. You'll find yourself trying new things...things you never dreamed of doing.  Buying clothes that you used to laugh at and say 'Yeah, RIGHT....' 
Challenging yourself to do more than you ever did before in terms of exercise goals. In terms of ANY goals.

And when the cameras come out?
You'll be RIGHT OUT FRONT with a huge smile on your face!

Keep on!