Why can't I be NORMAL?

We're getting into (yet another) fascinating discussion on the B.E.D. thread...this one concerning 'normal' eating.  And I wanted to explore that in a little more detail.

What IS normal eating, anyway?  We all know 'normal' people who don't have a problem with their weight, or with food.  These people fascinate me, to tell the truth.

My DH, for example, can eat HALF a two-bar candy bar and put the other half away!
In a drawer! 
...For like, DAYS and DAYS!
...and even....
...FORGET ABOUT IT!  I mean, honest to God forget it was there!

OMG this is so foreign to me it blows my mind.

I mean, I would KNOW that it's there. It would CALL to me in the middle of the night...."Linda...I'm waiting....oh I'm such a sugary chocolately delight....wouldn't you love to...Linda...."  LOL

No WAY could I do that.

But hey. I'm NOT NORMAL! 

And that's OK!

 
Listen.....stop worrying about what 'normal' is, OK? 

What IS normal, anyway? 

I have a friend....when we go out to dinner it's a riot. She'll ask for a cheeseburger without the burger. (I swear!)  She wants the cheese and the bun but won't eat the meat. She 'makes up' her own meal based on the items on the menu.

The other night we went to an Italian restaurant. And she ordered a SALAD (who orders just a salad in an Italian restaurant unless they're 'dieting'?  And she's NOT dieting, she's skinny!)  She said to the waitress, 'I want just the green salad for dinner, is that OK?' (very sweetly...and the waitress couldn't help but smile and say 'OK')  Then she goes on to say, "And I want lettuce but no croutons, and I want carrots, cheese, and some tomatoes in it.  And I don't want the dressing it comes with, I want the house dressing on it instead".

And that's what she ate for dinner!  And THEN she ordered the chocolate cake for dessert....ugh OMG it was HUGE and I think I gained 5 lbs from the SMELL of it alone...and she took 3 bites of the cake, said it was 'delicious', and PUSHED IT AWAY.

So she's 'normal'?

"Normal" people don't think about food all the time. They don't obsess over it. They might enjoy it but once it's done, it's DONE. They move on with their lives.

For us, FOOD becomes the center of our existence. Food becomes our friend, our comforter, our way of dealing with our emotions, a way to 'stuff it down' when we want to scream, a tension reliever and even a recreational activity, for pete's sakes. (ever notice how weekends are 'harder'?  That's because you have more free time!  Woohoo it's the weekend!  Time to have FUN!  What do we have to EAT?  LOL).

"Normal" people don't view food that way. And when they DO "celebrate" or overindulge in food, they AUTOMATICALLY back off for the next couple of days. They won't see this as a conscious thing, either. They'll just tell you they're 'Not hungry'.

For me, again, that's totally FOREIGN to me. If I haven't eaten in 3.2 hours I'm STARVING (LOL).  Seriously, I could eat constantly...and that's my MOUTH talking, I know that...my mouth and my emotional makeup...and Fat Brain. It's NOT my stomach. My stomach can be FULL and I'll STILL be 'hungry'!
Will I ever BE 'normal'?  Can I 'train' myself to be 'normal'?

Frankly I don't think so. I think....I am what I am. I can retrain my EATING habits....I can CONTROL the 'beast' or 'Fat Brain' or whatever you want to call that part of my brain that always urges me to eat....but I can't get rid of her completely, because she's part of who I am. She will always be there, lurking in the shadows. Waiting to sabotage me if I let my guard down. I KNOW that -- so I deal with it. That's all! 

It is what it is. Complaining about it or worrying about it or wondering 'why' isn't going to do me any good whatsoever. So I just DEAL with it. That's all.

I make no apologies to anyone. When I'm with family or friends, I'll ask them to please have the bread either taken away completely at the restaurant...or placed as far away from me as possible. And I'll TELL them, if they ask...that it's a problem for me, because I'm a food addict. PERIOD. Just like an alcoholic.  I have owned up to it and I deal with it and that's that.

And I don't care what ANYONE 'thinks' of me for saying it or for being this way. NO WAY.

Because the OPPOSING viewpoint keeps me obese!  Hiding it 'under the rug' and pretending I'm 'normal' doesn't work for me.  Oh sure, I can go out to dinner and be good as gold....eat really healthy....but - like the attached cartoon - that's NOT 'who I am' in reality.

Because when I get home I'll 'make up for it' by eating everything that isn't nailed down that I can get my hands on that's a 'goodie' (or that I can MAKE into a goodie).

That was the OLD me before this program.
The NEW me is more likely to eat healthy at the restaurant, own up to my addiction, NOT pay any attention to the fact that I "can't" eat whatever fattening thing is on the menu, just ignore it, and then when I get home, 'reward' myself with an MF brownie and GO TO BED happy and satisfied that I stayed on my food plan! 

So don't obsess about not being 'normal'. YOU ARE UNIQUE. And that's a WONDERFUL thing to be. CHERISH YOURSELF for who you are....faults and weaknesses and all.

That's what BEING HUMAN is all about. If you're here, and you're following the program, you are DEALING with your food addiction, one meal at a time, one day at a time.

And that's wonderful!  99% of the 'normal' people in your life don't have the discipline you do, I'll wager. It's imperative that we REALIZE how strong we really are....most of us have been down these 'diet roads' so many times before that we have developed an inner core of strength....we just need to call upon it, and realize it's there...and it will help us.

So here's to being a food addict!  I KNOW my enemy and she is 'me' inside...the primitive me, the animal side of my brain....but I also KNOW the games and tricks she can play and I'm ONTO her, and I'm one step ahead of her. I can control her. I can live a 'normal' healthy life, and choose my NON-TRIGGERING (!!! important!) foods to eat that keep me healthy and happy.  

But I don't need to be like 'everyone else'. I am ME!  And that's a good thing!

Keep on keepin' on....and don't CAVE to the CRAVING!