Questioning 'WHY'

On my B.E.D. (Binge Eating Disorder) thread on the Medifast/TSFL Community Website, we are into a discussion that I thought was very appropriate for ALL of us to consider...so I decided to talk about it today.

The subject is....WHY?

There are two big 'whys' in my life in regards to my problems with overeating.

One of these 'why's is something I shouldn't worry about or dwell on....and the other is one that I MUST question, analyze, and figure out if I'm going to be successful.

Let me explain.

The 2 WHYs

There is the BIG 'why'.....
'WHY' did I wind up with this stupid food addiction?
WHY is it my skinny, 'normal' friends can eat and eat and never seem to gain weight, whereas I just SMELL a donut and gain half a pound?
WHY is it that my DH can lose weight just by 'cutting back' whereas I have to go whole-hog into the 5/1 to get ANYWHERE with my weight? 
WHY does sugar and sludge give me fierce cravings that I have to fight, tooth and nail, whereas a bowl of lettuce doesn't encourage me to overeat? 
HOW COME I've had to fight with my weight all my life, whereas my 'skinny' sister never has had to? 
"IT'S NOT FAIR!"

- VERSUS -

The little 'why'....
'WHY' did I want to keep eating even after I was FULL after dinner last night?
WHY did I crave _________ (insert food here!) all of a sudden? 
WHY did I want to sink into a bowl of ice cream when I had a bad day last week?
WHY am I suddenly thinking of bingeing the moment I'm home alone?

The big 'why' versus the little 'why'!


The BIG why ....I need to leave alone.
STOP QUESTIONING IT. Stop whining that it's not fair, it's not right, what did I do to deserve this addiction to food/sludge/sugar....I wanna be like everyone else, like a normal person and eat whatever I want and automatically stop.

The reason it's not smart to question it? is ... what the heck can I DO about it?
I can't go back to the day I was born, and like some fairy godmother in "Sleeping Beauty",   say 'I hereby pronounce that you will NOT have a food addiction, in fact you'll be perennially SKINNY and never have to diet in your LIFE;  you will always have a perfect figure'. 
I can't undo the way I was MADE or whatever brought me to this point in my life.

It could be that I WAS born 'normal', and that my family's habits and my upbringing encouraged an eating addiction. I don't know and I'm not about to 'go there'....blaming my mother for cooking fattening foods or desserts...blaming my grandmother because she 'soothed' my scraped knee with a chocolate chip cookie and a glass of chocolate milk, etc.  They did what they knew how to do, what equalled 'love' and 'caring' for them....and I cannot and will not question their motives because I know they were PURE.
No one sets OUT to create food addicts out of their children!  

When I STOP questioning the BIG 'why'....it also leads to a kind of peace and acceptance about myself....and enables me to get through social occasions and family events easier without feeling like I 'have to' eat 'just like everyone else'.

I no longer 'have to' have a drink just because everyone else is drinking (the way I view that? I'm a sugar junkie and alcohol acts like PURE SUGAR on my body....it stops the weight loss COLD, it makes me hungry, and moreover, it lowers my inhibitions so I'm more likely to stay 'to heck with it, I'll eat whatever I want and restart tomorrow'!!!  And who needs THAT?  I'm TIRED of 'restarting'. Maybe it's time to just buckle down and DO it, and let the chips fall where they may!)

So I tell people things like 'I'm sorry, I don't drink' or 'That's OK, I'll just have a seltzer with a lime wedge, please' and smile sweetly and be FIRM with my decision and that's that.

When you're FIRM 'inside'....when you approach it from a standpoint of self-confidence and determination, it's amazing...no one argues with you anymore!  LOL

Not questioning the big 'why' also shuts up that argument from Fat Brain that says 'It's NOT FAIR!" all the time.
I mean, who needs it, right?
I can go 'round and 'round on that kind of thing and wind up right back where I started...because let's face it, I can't go back and remake my life, remake my genes and physical makeup and metabolism and remove all my fat cells somehow. 
It ain't gonna happen.
THIS IS MY CROSS TO BEAR.  PERIOD.

HOWEVER..!!! (here comes the Gemini in me again, always questioning both sides!)...

Questioning the MINI 'WHY' is very very important.
The mini 'why' is each individual INSTANCE of urges or cravings.

The mini 'why' is that urge to shove just a little bit of 'whatever' into my mouth because I'm arguing with DH and am frustrated because he just isn't getting what I'm trying to say....or I'm mad at him because he treated me badly and I get this 'I'll show HIM' mentality going (which is totally NUTS) which says "I'll eat this to get back at him".....
(Say WHAT? 
HOW is my getting FAT going to get back at HIM?)

Punishing MYSELF for having 'feelings' never works.
So it's about time I made PEACE with my own feelings, right?

Realizing that OK, I'm angry....maybe I just need to BE angry for awhile!
Go work off the tension on the treadmill. Pull weeds in the garden.
Do something really physical that works off the tension (and the desire to STRANGLE him LOL). 
But FEEL it, not squash it down with food. Really FEEL the emotion.
When I do that, it's always a total SURPRISE to me that....with time...my anger dissipates!  It does!  My temper cools....I start to see reason again....see both sides, maybe....and I calm down and can talk rationally about it.

If I'm frustrated, I tend to want to eat. Eating is something I can CONTROL, right?
Except no....not really...!!! 
Because once I go down that road, and eat 'X' number of things off plan, the big argument....the 'big lie' comes into play, that ole 'I blew it might as well eat what I want' logic that has led to more binges than I can COUNT. UGH. 
So if I'm frustrated, I need to do something where I can SEE results.

Cleaning something works for my frustration. Doing SOMETHING productive...something where I can see an end goal pretty quickly. Straightening a drawer. Getting rid of clothes that are too big or I'll never wear. Planting something (gives me a feeling of accomplishment!) in my garden. And again, exercise helps here, too....because I DID it, I got through 10 pushups or did 15 sit-ups or 30 minutes on the treadmill or whatever.

If I'm depressed, once again, - food isn't going to solve it. Only soothe me TEMPORARILY (and the emphasis is on "temporary"!) 

I remind myself that if I eat to soothe my feelings, to 'feel better'....I'll feel WORSE in the long run...heck, 5 minutes from now I'll feel worse...because I 'blew it' again.

Better, for me, when I'm depressed, to do something self-loving. Like taking a NAP, a 'time out' from the world. (you know what? The world will go on without you for a few minutes). Like meditation. Like deep breathing. Like a few yoga poses or taking a bath or doing my nails or giving myself a home facial or going for a walk on a beautiful day and just breathing the fresh air and appreciating the sunshine. If I can't or won't do any of those things, just sitting with a cup of herb tea and maybe CRYING is what's called for!  Getting it out!
Writing helps me, too, bigtime (obviously LOL).  Listening to music helps.

These 'whys'...the LITTLE 'whys'...that creep up on me suddenly, that 'make' me want to overeat or to eat sludge or whatever...NEED to be addressed. EVERY SINGLE TIME.
On a case by case basis.

What works in one situation doesn't always work in another situation. I've had to take them one by one, and tackle them, and try different things. And sometimes I've failed....but I've learned from these failures and the next time I remember 'that didn't work' and I try something else.

Over time, I've developed a whole 'menu' of choices in my head that I can turn to, to address my mini 'whys' when they crop up. 

But I know that it's a constant battle, and that since "LIFE HAPPENS", there will be NEW situations that come up in my life that require me to find solutions OTHER than my old standby, FOOD.

The two WHYs.  Learning to differentiate between the two....and handling them appropriately....is, in my opinion, part of the learning process here.
It certainly has been for me!

Was it easy?

Nope. No way! 

But I am reminded of the phrase:

"DIETING IS HARD. BEING OVERWEIGHT IS HARD. CHOOSE YOUR HARD".

I choose the SELF CONTROL portion of 'hard'....because I've done the giving up and being overweight choice, and frankly it sucks! 

This morning as I pulled on my jeans I suddenly started humming 'I feel pretty' only I was substituting the words, 'I feel skinny'....LOL...'I feel skinny, oh so skinny, I feel skinny and witty and gay!' (LOL)....Cue the West Side Story music.....  :)

And listen, I'm NOT a size 0. Or a size 2. ... I'm NOT 'skinny'....but I AM at a good place, especially when I look at the big picture. Two years ago at this time I was obese and my fat percentage was in the dangerous category.

Now I'm 'normal'. And I LOVE love love it. So I'm not a size 6. Who cares? I'm healthy for ME. For my height and frame I'm doing pretty darn well. And I've come a long long way.

I smile to myself ALL THE TIME now. I hug to myself the feeling of VICTORY, of "I got this" every time I get through another meal. I CHERISH that wonderful feeling of accomplishment I have every night when I'm getting into bed and mentally reviewing the day and I know I've stayed on my food plan all day with NO exceptions.

But it takes a lot of analysis into BOTH "whys" to get to this point. 

I encourage you to analyze your mini 'whys'....each occurrence of wanting to overeat....and yet, PUT ASIDE that big 'why' because that's counter-productive.

There will ALWAYS be people skinnier than you, richer than you, stronger than you, whatever.

All we can do is do the BEST with what we have to WORK WITH. We are born with certain attributes, both good and bad.

How we handle these is how successful we'll be in life!

Keep on keepin' on!

PS And Don't CAVE to the CRAVING!  LOL