I confess!

I can’t live a lie anymore.

I don't know about you (and I'd venture to guess, MOST of you would agree with me), but I have always found honesty to be the best policy in my life.

For one thing, it's easier!
Let's face it, who needs to 'remember' what lie they told to what person? UGH.  "NO, Thank You!" 
Secondly, WHY?
Seriously. Why LIE for heaven's sakes? After all, NO ONE in this life is perfect. Being human means you make mistakes.

So I've been...kind of feeling like a 'heel'.  Because I LIED to my trainer. Well, not exactly 'lied' -- just didn't tell her the WHOLE truth would be more like it.

You see, back when I first was thinking about doing Medifast, I mentioned the program to her. At the time, of course, I was at around 235 lbs and although I was starting to exercise at a regular gym with her as my trainer, my diet still left a lot to be desired.
And I knew I had to DO something. So like many others, surfing the web and thinking about 'one last ditch effort' before gastric bypass surgery brought me to this website and this community, and I learned there were others just like me, and decided to take a chance, and the rest of course you know.

But at the time....I asked her about it.

And she said (I remember this distinctly), "I've had a lot of clients who've lost a lot of weight on that...but here's the thing. They always gain it back. And they lose muscle tone, too. It just doesn't give you enough nutrition and it doesn't help you change your eating habits."

Well....I 'yessed' her to death -- I really didn't know any better at that point but I had pretty much made up my mind to do it anyway, so I just nodded and smiled....

and did it anyway. And didn't tell her.

And I lost the weight. ALL of the weight.  And made goal.

And she's watched me along the way...and made comments like, "Whatever you're doing, KEEP doing it"...and I'd just nod and smile....and secretly think "If you only knew!"....

But I didn't feel right about it. Because she's also been one of my biggest cheerleaders. She tells me I'm an 'inspiration'. She asked me to write up a testimonial for her training services. She recommended me for the 'big laminated board' in the center of the gym as a 'success story' (again, I felt a bit like a HEEL, but I told anyone who would listen, "It's mostly DIET, you know...!") without getting too into the nitty-gritty details (unless they asked, in which case I'd tell them privately).  

She even brought several of her clients to me to discuss their diets, and without mentioning Medifast per se, I said things like "You need to eat more protein and veggies and you need to eat smaller portions....I know this isn't what you want to hear but it's a fact...you have to drink lots of water...I eat 6x a day but they are small meals. And you have to realize that you can't EAT cookies and junk and lose weight!"  I came 'this close' to mentioning the TSFL program and the Medifast meals....and one time I actually saw the woman later, who was really questioning me in detail, so in private I told her, "Guess what? It's Medifast! Go to this website and check it out".

I don't know if she ever did....but I tried. (sigh).
"You can lead a horse to water..."

Anyway.

My trainer weighs me in about every month or so, and she's always pleased with me. This morning was no different.  The scale at the gym is always about 6 lbs. heavier but I know that by now (besides, I've had breakfast by then and it makes a difference) so I knew I was doing OK when I saw the weight this morning. And she smiled and said, "You did it again...you were creeping up but you got hold of it and came right back down again. You are such an inspiration! Whatever you're doing, keep it up..."

and THIS time I took a deep breath and said,
"I've got a confession to make.....and I apologize for keeping this from you for quite awhile (in fact for two years! yikes...) but the way I lost the weight? Was via Medifast."

Her mouth dropped open a bit, she reddened a bit (remembering her thoughts on the matter, I'm sure) but she's a class act, she listened with polite calm as I explained that the thing is, Medifast has a Transition program which if you follow it the way you SHOULD, depending on how much weight you lose....and I lost over 50 lbs...you SHOULD go through a 12-week transition period to slowly add back food groups and calories and reach your TEE.

She was satisfied with this response...and nodded a lot. But I could see her wheels turning. WHY did all those others regain the weight?

I went on to say, "It's true, you HAVE to change your eating habits, though. All the TEEs and transitions in the world won't help you if you insist on going back to eating junk.  That's the thing...most people get to goal and think 'PARRRTY!!!!' and that's 'it'. They go hog wild. But if you truly want this to work, if you're making a LIFESTYLE CHANGE like I intended from the start, then you follow through and you learn to change your eating habits PERMANENTLY.

"And you did that", she said.

"Yes, I did that", I said. "I have a food plan now...and it incorporates all the food groups, but I can't eat brownies. I'm a food addict and that's just something I had to realize and to reconcile myself to. I can't eat brownies because I want the whole pan. So they are off limits."

(I could tell here that this concept was foreign to her...she's a 'normal eater' and had been advocating, all along, a 'cheat day' once a week....yeah, right...we all know that THAT doesn't work, not for us!  But again, she's a class act, and she was listening.)

She said, "So you KNOW yourself, that's key."

"Exactly!" I cried.

...right at this moment? One of my pieces of TSFL literature decided to make an appearance and literally fell out of my exercise workbook (why I put it there I'll never know). And I was slightly embarrassed but said, "yes, I'm helping others now, too...and I always recommend exercise" (which of course mollified her a bit LOL).

I don't know, at the end, WHO was more uncomfortable....me or her? 

But...I feel much better overall!  After all, I HATED not telling her.

I mean, at the time it was imperative I NOT get sucked into an argument about MF with anyone....and I'm sure many of you know what I'm talking about...there will always be 'naysayers' in our lives that come at this from a distorted or erroneous point of view.  Their perspective is entirely different, too. Especially if they are 'normal' eaters and can't understand someone with a food addiction.

So you may or may NOT want to waste your breath arguing with them and getting them to AGREE with you. 

After all, it's YOUR life, right? You have the RIGHT to take care of your body as best as YOU see fit, not as someone else does. (no matter how many degrees they have or what status they might have achieved in the health care or fitness world).  We all know shysters out there who are profiting from people's naivete.  And some of them truly BELIEVE their own bull!

Well, that's their problem.  WE here did the research, we then decided to 'take the leap', and we've seen our lives CHANGE for the BETTER because of it. There is nothing like EXPERIENCE to teach you what's 'right' and what isn't right.

When I started this program? I picked and chose, very carefully, 'who' I wanted to tell.  My husband, of course....and my mother, a few others. But not many.

The rest? Like my trainer, I kept my mouth shut...and simply SHOWED them.

I demonstrated with time and my own results -- and the numbers and the body changes don't lie.  And now my trainer knows that for ME, this was the perfect program to change my life for the better.

Did she learn from it? I don't know. I truly don't. Is she a big enough person to swallow her pride and maybe get more info?

Will she change her mind about the program?

Or doe she consider me an anachronism, the exception to the rule? 
She may decide that I was so motivated that I would have succeeded on ANY plan (which of course is totally UNTRUE! I tried and failed on many other plans!). 

It remains to be seen.

Frankly, I don't really care what she thinks, to be blunt about it.

I'd LIKE her support...and of course I'd LOVE it if she would open her mind enough to actually RECOMMEND the plan -- or at least 'my' experience with the plan -- to her other clients....but then again I'm not counting on it.

To each his own!

It's not OUR job to 'convert' everyone we meet (even though we may desperately want to...especially those who are vastly overweight and we feel a connection to, like a relative or close friend). 

You can't help everyone.

Instead, we need to focus on OURSELVES, make OURSELVES a priority in our lives (which doesn't always happen, let's face it)...and to concentrate on getting the right support from the right people at the right time in our lives...and in differentiating who those people might be.

And it can be SAD to learn, for example, that a 'friend' (or someone you thought was a friend) thinks it's more important for HER to be 'skinnier than you' than to support you. It happens, unfortunately.

It can be jarring to realize that because you're not the 'life of the party' anymore, eating and drinking galore, certain individuals decide you're 'not as fun' anymore. More's the pity....because in many ways, I'm a much HAPPIER person than I ever was!

(in fact hubby says he can usually 'tell' now when I went off plan, because I become a really grumpy, angry version of myself. I never realized it but it's true...I get so 'down' on myself that I tend to be unhappier in general, and I spread that unhappiness around by having a shortened temper and just a more pessimistic outlook on everything).

The changes in our lives here can affect our relationships. Because not everyone is ready to accept the 'new you'. That can be jarring...and hard to take.

But if you love yourself, you have to consider "Is that person WORTH being friends with in the first place?"

Because a TRUE friend will want the BEST for you.

Even husbands and lovers aren't immune. Hubby supported me, but was very, very skeptical....having seen me lose and regain too many times to count.

So he figured he'd just 'put up with it' until I gave up. Again.

It wasn't until I lost the weight...and then MAINTAINED it for about a month afterwards...that he began to really 'sit up and take notice'.

With him, just like with my trainer, I PROVED it...by LIVING it.

My mother, on the other hand? LOL....
Well, she will tell you that I'm "too thin" and will "dry up and blow away" at any point in time now. LOL....

And when you remind her that I weigh 160 lbs?
She'll swear that that CAN'T be true. I MUST be less than that. 120, maybe. But definitely NOT 160! LOL...

Ah, Moms....GOD BLESS THEM ALL .... LOL

Anyway, I'm still not sure how I feel about unburdening myself to my trainer today...but it's been a long time coming, and all I can think is 'FINALLY!'. 

I think I'm happy about it. But I'm not sure.

I'm relieved, that's for sure. Relieved that it's OUT there.

And OK, so she still may not agree with me...she may never agree...but that's OK.

"Different strokes".  And hey, for a 'normal' eater? I betcha her advice about 'cutting back' and 'not eating after 7 pm' and having a 'once a week cheat day' works for a lot of people.

But NOT FOR A FOOD ADDICT.

Oh well. At least I'm not living a lie anymore.

Keep on !