Living in the Enemy Camp!

I love to write (duh...), but I also love to read.

Right now I'm neck-deep in a Tom Clancy 'Jack Ryan' novel....one I've read before, but that's OK (if it's a good book I'll come back months or even years later and re-read it)...about cybercrime and spies and running surveillance in hostile territory.   

I love books like these because they take me out of my hum-drum world and into another one, an exciting one full of danger and intrigue and I always get to be the good guy who saves the planet.  LOL.

But I was thinking this morning that my life isn't all that dissimilar to that of a spy living in enemy territory.
Not that I'm in physical danger, of course. 

....Well, not unless you count the danger from an inevitable heart attack or diabetes or other major health problem due to obesity if I DON'T get - and KEEP - my attack together in terms of my eating and exercise.

No, I'm talking about feeling like you're living ONE life, and believing ONE thing, while the rest of the world believes...another.

I'm talking about food. 

We live in a food-centric society where we are virtually SURROUNDED by food cues.  And the most vocal of these cues is about the worst stuff for us!

The other night I saw a Coke commercial that actually SAID...."Excite your tastebuds while you're young" (or something to that affect).  Seriously, they were actually coming right out and SAYING that they wanted to hook you while you're young because it 'excites your tastebuds'.  Yeah, right.  That excitement comes due to the caffeine + sugar combination!  And of course, once you're hooked on sugar and caffeine, they own you for life.  A guaranteed consumer of Coke.  Yeah, gotta have it.  Gotta have that slug of sugar before I go do that impossible trick with my skateboard LOL....

Of course, they don't show that same person 20, 30 or 40 years later with no teeth because they rotted out from all the sugar.  Obese, unable to even walk up a flight of stairs, let alone do tricks on a skateboard.  Sitting on the couch 'binge watching' reality shows, and not really having much of a life anymore...
but hey, they still are drinking that Coke!
Sigh....

Is this what we're coming to?

America won't be conquered by another country, she doesn't have to be.

America is doing HERSELF in.  On sugar and sludge and the desire to have it NOW. 

We wait for...nothing.  Patience doesn't exist anymore.  And neither does eating healthy, unless YOU make a concerted, sustained effort to do so, DESPITE everything around you.

Despite the birthday parties and barbeques and all the other events that have FOOD center stage. And drive-throughs because you can't wait to actually COOK and eat a healthy meal, God forbid, you have to 'eat on the run' and eat this wonderfully-tasting stuff.  No, it's not good for you, but hey, we want our instant gratification, right?

Yes, I sometimes feel like a lone spy in an enemy camp.  "No, thank you" has to be practiced over and over again.  Even my GYM has sludge sometimes....someone will bring in cupcakes to celebrate a birthday of a long-standing member or staff person at the gym.  Or they will do half-price protein shakes (with more calories than in THREE of my Medifast meals LOL).

But you know what?  It's OK.

It's OK because I can't change the world, I can only change my little part of it.

And so I've learned to control MY world and MY eating.  
And that's all I have to do.

And you know what? If one more person tells me "It's simple, just eat everything in moderation" one more time, I'm going to scream. 

HELLO???!!?  If I could do that, I wouldn't have a weight problem to begin with!  LOL

Nope, I've learned the hard way.....I CANNOT eat 'in moderation'. 

Maybe you can, and if so I salute you.  You're not a food addict.  You just ate too many of the wrong foods over time and it caught up with you.

But if you are like me, you have to control EVERY BITE that goes into your mouth.

Seriously.

One bite of a real cookie CAN and HAS set me over the edge.  I wish it didn't, Lord knows I wish it didn't....but I have to face facts.  And the facts, and time, and experience, and 'experimenting' and 'bargaining' (per the stages of grief, I have to go through to get over the 'loss of sludge' in my life LOL)....have proven to me over and over again that I can't.

Because the end result is always a no-holds-barred BINGE, and a puffy, swollen face, and the loss of control, and midnight runs to the grocery store or eating under the covers in my bedroom, and going minute by minute through my day only thinking about one thing -
 "What can I eat next?"

UGH.  That's no way to live.

So if you want to call it negative reinforcement, fine.  I've got it.  In spades.  LOL.

But...!  I also have plenty of POSITIVE reinforcement. 

- Getting up every morning and feeling my hipbones. 

I know it sounds silly, but that's always the first thing I do when I wake up.  Because I spent too many years being UNABLE to feel my hipbones, that doing that every morning is a simple way to confirm that YES, I shed that obese body.  It's true, it wasn't a dream, I DID IT.  And if I can feel my hipbones, that means I'm no longer obese.  It wasn't a dream, I DID lose the weight.

- Going to the gym and wearing cute leggings!  I know it's selfish but it feels wonderful.  It's no big deal, the classes I attend are 99% female and I'm there to work out, not to show off....but I won't lie, it feels GOOD to be able to put those tight leggings on and not hate the way I look. 

- Having my husband call me 'sexy' again.  I've noticed he stops doing that when I'm off the rails....because my mood is different, my look is different, I'm back into binge-mode and it's awful.  But when I'm OP, I'm happy, I'm relaxed, and I KNOW I'm getting just a teensy bit thinner every single day.  So he grabs me and kisses me and tells me I'm beautiful and I giggle and glow and smile all day long just remembering. 

- Being able to move easier, sleep easier, NOT feel my stomach get in the way (literally) of things I do.

- And MOST of all, feeling CALM and PEACEFUL with my eating.  No more nail-biting HUNGER driving me nuts.  No more urges....no more fighting....because I don't have a whole lot of junky chemicals floating around in my bloodstream anymore.  There's no problem with blood sugar because there's very little sugar in my diet...instead I'm eating balanced, nutritious, small meals of protein plus healthy fats plus good carbs multiple times a day. 

My MF meals are like a prescription to me. A prescription for good health and happiness. 

Lately I don't even care WHICH MF meal I eat, when!  I just do it.  Automatically.  And I move on.

Food is...nutrition.  Doesn't mean I can't enjoy it, I still do....but it's not the be-all and end-all anymore.  It's just a piece...a MINOR piece...of my life.

The bigger pieces are my home, my family, my garden, my gym time, my reading and relaxation, my friends, all of that.

So the positive reinforcement PLUS the negative reinforcement keeps me going and keeps me strong.  I'm into Day 12 as we speak, and I feel WONDERFUL.

But there's another piece to this puzzle that I think many people overlook....and that is, having a SAFE HOUSE!

And I'm not talking about a house literally (although obviously you have to make your home as 'safe' as possible with as little junk food around -- hopefully NONE if your family is agreeable -- to reduce temptation).

No, I'm talking about a place you can go, virtually, for SUPPORT from like-minded people, we few who are fighting the uphill, against-the-tides battle for a healthy diet!

After all, the #1 rule in my spy novels is, living in an enemy camp couldn't be possible without a safe house.  Right? 
Every spy has a safe house.

Well, my safe house is my MF friends I have made online.  They came from the Medifast Community website originally, which unfortunately morphed into something....well, let's be nice and just say 'Not good'....so we all found other outlets, other ways to communicate.

And I'm thrilled to have found these same people of like mind on Facebook and other sites.  Group sites, secret sites, closed sites, it doesn't matter...the point is, we all feel the same way.  We all are fighting our own little 'wars' against obesity and junk food.  And we all have to fight our individual battles on our own, surrounded by food and food lovers EVERYWHERE.

So it's IMPORTANT to have that forum to talk about it....to share...to be able to laugh with someone over the things we have to do sometimes to protect ourselves and to stay the course and stay with our new healthy lifestyle. 

I salute you guys....you are the reason why I'm not 300 lbs. anymore. 

SERIOUSLY. 

There is NO WAY....no. freaking. WAY.....I could've done this alone.

I NEED to hear from others who are working the program.  I NEED to know I'm not alone.  I NEED to share what it feels like to turn down something scrumptious in favor of my little Medifast packet, because it's the right thing to do for me, and I NEED someone who understands that and says, "Yes, I've been there, too, and YES it's worth it".

And because I'm not perfect and I'm human and this is a JOURNEY, I NEED friends who'll understand, commiserate with me, and encourage me when I fall 'off the wagon', so to speak.

We ALL need support in this world.  We can live in an enemy camp, sure...but we have to know there are others, just like us, we are fighting the same battle, who feel like we do, who have the same...addiction, disease, call it what you will, the bottom line is we can't eat all that sludge anymore.  It just sets us on the wrong path.

So here I am, Day 12.  And loving it.

I'm on my way to the gym, and will have my Medifast snack afterwards, and my 5 MF meals plus my L&G tonight, and all is well with my world.

How are YOU?

Keep on keepin' on....!

Linda
angiecat6@comcast.net