Last
night at dinner I got a kick out of watching my husband, and it got me
to thinking.
He had overdone it on the pretzels right before dinner...despite the
fact that he knew I was making it, I remind him, etc. but hey....he's
going to do what he's going to do, right? LOL...
Anyway, so he sits down to dinner, manages to eat about half of it, but I could tell he was struggling, and then he starts pushing his food around on his plate like a 4-year-old.
I said, "You ate too many pretzels again, didn't you?" "Yes", he said with sheepish smile. "No problem", I said. ....I certainly don't want him to force himself....so I smiled, shook my head, and stored it for another time (thankfully he WILL eat leftovers).
[He keeps doing this with the pretzels over and over again, and it's become an unhealthy habit....but that's another blog LOL.]
Bottom line, though, is he said, "I'm FULL".
And I thought about that.
I wondered, have I EVER been like that?
Have I EVER stopped eating because I was full?
And will I ever LEARN how to do that?
To be honest I can't remember when I stopped eating like that. Really. Unless you count a binge, in which I still don't stop, until I'm so full I'm in PAIN. But that's another issue. That's eating to the point of ridiculousness, let's face it. That's self-punishment. (which again, is another story....and I've blogged about before in terms of binge-eating).
No, I'm talking about just day-to-day, the way normal people eat....and how they can put their forks down and declare "I'm full", even when there's food on their plate. You know something? That's always been a problem for me.
And I think it is for a lot of us. We don't know what full IS. Or maybe we don't listen when our bodies are trying to tell us we're full. What IS full, anyway? And can we stretch or shrink our stomachs so that we physically require/can store more or less food?
The answer to the stretch/shrink our stomachs thing, by the way, is still debatable....(look it up on the net, the opinions are strong either way!) but personally, I think that 'YES', over time, our food intake CAN influence the amount of food we can store in our stomachs:
http://www.nytimes.com/2009/12/22/health/22real.html
Just think about the folks you know who've have gastric bypass surgery, and still managed to regain some (or all) of the weight. They stretched what little stomach they had left to accommodate more food! On the other hand, over time eating those small MF meals....well, I think we CAN get satisfied with less.
But is that because of the actual 'size' of our stomachs, or because of the nutritional makeup of the MF meals? After all, if you eat a balance of good proteins, carbs and healthy fats....an hour later you're not as physically hungry as you would be, say, after the same amount of calories of pure sugar/carby junk foods.
That's one of the reasons why the program WORKS.
It satisfies our nutritional needs without being a lot of calories. But are our stomachs smaller? I don't know. In terms of fullness, though....that's complicated.
Because it isn't all physical, is it? After all, if we've gained a lot of weight, we've eaten much more than our bodies need, routinely, over a long period of time.
I mean, face it, the weight didn't just come on 'overnight' and it wasn't like some bad fairy put the whammy on you and suddenly made you obese, right? YOU did this to yourself, by overeating over and over and over again.
And eating the wrong types of foods that perhaps weren't giving you the nutrition you needed but instead made lots of tiny little fat cells.
But in terms of fullness? That's hard. I mean, I really don't know what that IS. And I don't know that I'll EVER know what it is....not to the extent that DH 'knows', anyway.
'Normal' eaters can tell when they get full, and then STOP eating.
Not me. If it tastes good, my mouth rules my stomach, and I ignore any 'full' messages my stomach might be sending my brain.
In fact I never give myself the 20 minutes they say it takes for our stomachs and brains to COMMUNICATE with each other. I eat too fast.
Which is part of the problem, certainly. And yes, I've tried slowing down. It only makes me nuts. Impatient. Angry. Overstressed. You name it.
I'm a Type "A" personality, always have been. So patience is not one of my gifts (but I'm working on it!)
I continue to try....to put my fork down....to have a conversation....to sip my water glass....and sometimes I do better than others, but I still usually finish everything that's on my plate.
I mean, I can count on the fingers of one hand the times I said "I've had enough" and put the food aside. I'm hungry, and I finish what I've 'allotted' myself to eat. What's on my plate. And I HAVE to allot myself, to weigh and measure, or I'll overdo.
BUT oh, how I would like to be like normal people! And stop eating when I'm full! And slow down as well! And 'know' when enough is enough...and know 'automatically' that OK, I overdid it on lunch, so at dinner I'll 'cut back'.
But I can't. The words are totally FOREIGN to me.
I do not know how to do it. I admit it. I guess that's partly because I'm a food addict, and partly because I was a human 'garbage can' growing up.
Mom would say to me, "Linda, just finish that last little bite that your sister left, will you? That way I won't have to put it away or throw it out, I don't want it to go to waste". And I would dutifully 'clean up'. Every time. Unless it was peas (LOL).
I just never knew when 'enough was enough'.
As long as there was food on my plate, I kept eating.
So.....I've learned to adapt. To understand and accept that about myself.
And for me, measuring and weighing....and counting 'something'....is always going to be important.
Because I can't just 'gauge' that I've had enough. NO WAY. Left to my own devices I'll eat the whole thing. And then look around for more if it's tasty enough.
Over time, with the help of this program, I've gotten 'better' at understanding what 'full' is and what it isn't.....definitely. I've learned that a tiny MF bar (because let's face it, they are small!) can satisfy me for 3 hours.
Because of the nutritional content. The right balance of protein, carbs, and fats....without too much sugar, is what can keep me going. So I force myself to STOP after one MF meal because I know that it contains all the nutrition I need.
And I also know that I'm eating it too fast, and that given the full 20 minutes 'aftewards', I'll look at the clock and realize I'm NOT hungry. It's OK.
But for me? I'll never be a normal eater.
That just is what it is.
There's no use fretting about it or complaining or whining or crying or trying to turn myself inside-out to become something I'm not. I just accept who I am and move on.I weigh and measure, and I have to count 'something'.....yes, even in maintenance.
Whether it's calories or by food groups (# of leans, greens, etc.) or whatever, I still have to count 'something'.
You can say that's wrong, that's sad, whatever....but I don't look at it that way.
Instead I look at it as my particular cross to bear. And it's OK! It's much, much better, KNOWING what I'm doing, KNOWING what I'm eating and that I'm OP or on my Food Plan or whatever, then 'guessing'. Then not knowing and wondering, will I gain weight because I ate ________ (whatever)?
As I keep saying, "Knowledge is power". I KNOW what I've eaten, I know what my calorie goal is and my TEE goal is and my Food Plan is....and I stick with it because it WORKS FOR ME.
OK, so maybe I sacrifice some spontaneity by eating this way. By structuring my eating. Maybe I've become a bit anal.
You know what? I could care LESS.
Because it WORKS for me. I keep my weight in check. I'm happier. I'm healthier.
And I can still enjoy my food. I don't worry that it's going to backfire on me. I don't run to the scale every 5 minutes to check because I'm afraid I gained 5 lbs because I ate a cookie yesterday (I don't eat the cookie to BEGIN with! Sugar is a NO-NO because I cannot stop at 'one'!). That's me!
That's what I've learned about myself.
As to whether or not I'll ever learn what 'full' is.....well, we'll see! I'm a work in progress. As are we all.
But I do know one thing.
Right now, I couldn't do what my DH did last night. I might have felt a LITTLE uncomfortable.....but if the food tasted good, and I wasn't on this program, I would've finished 'anyway'.
Again, Charter member of the Clean Plate Club, I guess. But I don't beat myself up over it. It is what it is. I deal with it. Like anything else in this life, sometimes you have to roll with the punches and just learn what works for YOU.
And what works for me, is weighing, measuring, and planning.
Structure. I need it.
Without it, chaos ensues. I'm in binge mode. "Anything goes".
And in binge mode, I DO eat way way past the point of fullness. Into PAINfulness in terms of overfilling my stomach.
I'll be groaning. HATING myself. And yet STILL looking for that 'taste', that one last thing....UGH.Is it feast or famine? NO. It isn't. Because I don't starve myself. I know what I can eat and what I can't.
I simply follow a food plan that WORKS for me.
And yes, I still enjoy every bite. But I DO clean my plate.
So....bottom line?
You can fret and worry because you'll never be like your 'normal' friends or family members, or you can accept that it 'is what it is', and you are the way you are, and DEAL WITH IT.
I choose to accept it.
Keep on keepin on!
Anyway, so he sits down to dinner, manages to eat about half of it, but I could tell he was struggling, and then he starts pushing his food around on his plate like a 4-year-old.
I said, "You ate too many pretzels again, didn't you?" "Yes", he said with sheepish smile. "No problem", I said. ....I certainly don't want him to force himself....so I smiled, shook my head, and stored it for another time (thankfully he WILL eat leftovers).
[He keeps doing this with the pretzels over and over again, and it's become an unhealthy habit....but that's another blog LOL.]
Bottom line, though, is he said, "I'm FULL".
And I thought about that.
I wondered, have I EVER been like that?
Have I EVER stopped eating because I was full?
And will I ever LEARN how to do that?
To be honest I can't remember when I stopped eating like that. Really. Unless you count a binge, in which I still don't stop, until I'm so full I'm in PAIN. But that's another issue. That's eating to the point of ridiculousness, let's face it. That's self-punishment. (which again, is another story....and I've blogged about before in terms of binge-eating).
No, I'm talking about just day-to-day, the way normal people eat....and how they can put their forks down and declare "I'm full", even when there's food on their plate. You know something? That's always been a problem for me.
And I think it is for a lot of us. We don't know what full IS. Or maybe we don't listen when our bodies are trying to tell us we're full. What IS full, anyway? And can we stretch or shrink our stomachs so that we physically require/can store more or less food?
The answer to the stretch/shrink our stomachs thing, by the way, is still debatable....(look it up on the net, the opinions are strong either way!) but personally, I think that 'YES', over time, our food intake CAN influence the amount of food we can store in our stomachs:
http://www.nytimes.com/2009/12/22/health/22real.html
Just think about the folks you know who've have gastric bypass surgery, and still managed to regain some (or all) of the weight. They stretched what little stomach they had left to accommodate more food! On the other hand, over time eating those small MF meals....well, I think we CAN get satisfied with less.
But is that because of the actual 'size' of our stomachs, or because of the nutritional makeup of the MF meals? After all, if you eat a balance of good proteins, carbs and healthy fats....an hour later you're not as physically hungry as you would be, say, after the same amount of calories of pure sugar/carby junk foods.
That's one of the reasons why the program WORKS.
It satisfies our nutritional needs without being a lot of calories. But are our stomachs smaller? I don't know. In terms of fullness, though....that's complicated.
Because it isn't all physical, is it? After all, if we've gained a lot of weight, we've eaten much more than our bodies need, routinely, over a long period of time.
I mean, face it, the weight didn't just come on 'overnight' and it wasn't like some bad fairy put the whammy on you and suddenly made you obese, right? YOU did this to yourself, by overeating over and over and over again.
And eating the wrong types of foods that perhaps weren't giving you the nutrition you needed but instead made lots of tiny little fat cells.
But in terms of fullness? That's hard. I mean, I really don't know what that IS. And I don't know that I'll EVER know what it is....not to the extent that DH 'knows', anyway.
'Normal' eaters can tell when they get full, and then STOP eating.
Not me. If it tastes good, my mouth rules my stomach, and I ignore any 'full' messages my stomach might be sending my brain.
In fact I never give myself the 20 minutes they say it takes for our stomachs and brains to COMMUNICATE with each other. I eat too fast.
Which is part of the problem, certainly. And yes, I've tried slowing down. It only makes me nuts. Impatient. Angry. Overstressed. You name it.
I'm a Type "A" personality, always have been. So patience is not one of my gifts (but I'm working on it!)
I continue to try....to put my fork down....to have a conversation....to sip my water glass....and sometimes I do better than others, but I still usually finish everything that's on my plate.
I mean, I can count on the fingers of one hand the times I said "I've had enough" and put the food aside. I'm hungry, and I finish what I've 'allotted' myself to eat. What's on my plate. And I HAVE to allot myself, to weigh and measure, or I'll overdo.
BUT oh, how I would like to be like normal people! And stop eating when I'm full! And slow down as well! And 'know' when enough is enough...and know 'automatically' that OK, I overdid it on lunch, so at dinner I'll 'cut back'.
But I can't. The words are totally FOREIGN to me.
I do not know how to do it. I admit it. I guess that's partly because I'm a food addict, and partly because I was a human 'garbage can' growing up.
Mom would say to me, "Linda, just finish that last little bite that your sister left, will you? That way I won't have to put it away or throw it out, I don't want it to go to waste". And I would dutifully 'clean up'. Every time. Unless it was peas (LOL).
I just never knew when 'enough was enough'.
As long as there was food on my plate, I kept eating.
So.....I've learned to adapt. To understand and accept that about myself.
And for me, measuring and weighing....and counting 'something'....is always going to be important.
Because I can't just 'gauge' that I've had enough. NO WAY. Left to my own devices I'll eat the whole thing. And then look around for more if it's tasty enough.
Over time, with the help of this program, I've gotten 'better' at understanding what 'full' is and what it isn't.....definitely. I've learned that a tiny MF bar (because let's face it, they are small!) can satisfy me for 3 hours.
Because of the nutritional content. The right balance of protein, carbs, and fats....without too much sugar, is what can keep me going. So I force myself to STOP after one MF meal because I know that it contains all the nutrition I need.
And I also know that I'm eating it too fast, and that given the full 20 minutes 'aftewards', I'll look at the clock and realize I'm NOT hungry. It's OK.
But for me? I'll never be a normal eater.
That just is what it is.
There's no use fretting about it or complaining or whining or crying or trying to turn myself inside-out to become something I'm not. I just accept who I am and move on.I weigh and measure, and I have to count 'something'.....yes, even in maintenance.
Whether it's calories or by food groups (# of leans, greens, etc.) or whatever, I still have to count 'something'.
You can say that's wrong, that's sad, whatever....but I don't look at it that way.
Instead I look at it as my particular cross to bear. And it's OK! It's much, much better, KNOWING what I'm doing, KNOWING what I'm eating and that I'm OP or on my Food Plan or whatever, then 'guessing'. Then not knowing and wondering, will I gain weight because I ate ________ (whatever)?
As I keep saying, "Knowledge is power". I KNOW what I've eaten, I know what my calorie goal is and my TEE goal is and my Food Plan is....and I stick with it because it WORKS FOR ME.
OK, so maybe I sacrifice some spontaneity by eating this way. By structuring my eating. Maybe I've become a bit anal.
You know what? I could care LESS.
Because it WORKS for me. I keep my weight in check. I'm happier. I'm healthier.
And I can still enjoy my food. I don't worry that it's going to backfire on me. I don't run to the scale every 5 minutes to check because I'm afraid I gained 5 lbs because I ate a cookie yesterday (I don't eat the cookie to BEGIN with! Sugar is a NO-NO because I cannot stop at 'one'!). That's me!
That's what I've learned about myself.
As to whether or not I'll ever learn what 'full' is.....well, we'll see! I'm a work in progress. As are we all.
But I do know one thing.
Right now, I couldn't do what my DH did last night. I might have felt a LITTLE uncomfortable.....but if the food tasted good, and I wasn't on this program, I would've finished 'anyway'.
Again, Charter member of the Clean Plate Club, I guess. But I don't beat myself up over it. It is what it is. I deal with it. Like anything else in this life, sometimes you have to roll with the punches and just learn what works for YOU.
And what works for me, is weighing, measuring, and planning.
Structure. I need it.
Without it, chaos ensues. I'm in binge mode. "Anything goes".
And in binge mode, I DO eat way way past the point of fullness. Into PAINfulness in terms of overfilling my stomach.
I'll be groaning. HATING myself. And yet STILL looking for that 'taste', that one last thing....UGH.Is it feast or famine? NO. It isn't. Because I don't starve myself. I know what I can eat and what I can't.
I simply follow a food plan that WORKS for me.
And yes, I still enjoy every bite. But I DO clean my plate.
So....bottom line?
You can fret and worry because you'll never be like your 'normal' friends or family members, or you can accept that it 'is what it is', and you are the way you are, and DEAL WITH IT.
I choose to accept it.
Keep on keepin on!
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