What IS 'full', anyway?

Yesterday at lunchtime I was starving. (what else is new? LOL)....

No, seriously. I was incredibly hungry for some reason. Sometimes, it just happens...even though I eat on a normal 2-4 hour schedule (preferably 3 hours; that's perfect for me).

Part of it is emotional hunger, not physical. (and I consider the fact that I can SEE that a victory!....for too many years, I couldn't understand that, all I knew was that I was 'hungry'). 

If I've had a particularly busy morning, either working out, or -- in this case -- 'fighting' with my computer (I bought a new DELL laptop and setting it up is time-consuming), I tell myself "I worked SO HARD, I DESERVE to eat more."

Ever done that?

The old 'I deserve it' excuse. UGH.

Anyway that's one I'm used to, and I can get past it now (YAY!).....

....BUT! The hunger remains at times, and what happens is, I feel like I'll never get full. EVER.

So the next step? Is to get food inside me as soon as possible.
It's like, I can't eat FAST enough!

This is the old binge mentality that used to plague me and resulted in my weighing nearly 300 lbs. at my highest. 

Feed the emotional 'need' inside. Do it quickly and maybe, just maybe "IT WON'T COUNT".

Why do we think that?
If we eat it quick, if we eat it standing up, if we don't 'count' it as part of our real meal, then it 'doesn't count'?

The truth is, of course, your stomach knows. Your BODY knows.

EVERY calorie counts.

Even if you eat it standing up, over the sink, with one leg up, while doing 5 other things, because you 'need it' today....LOL....
it still counts.

...and yeah, that kind of sucks, doesn't it?

You can't FOOL your body. No matter HOW MUCH you want to.

No matter how hard you worked this morning....or what stressful situation you had to go through...or how hard you exercised...or how much pain you're in...etc.

"Life happens". We all know that.

But FEEDING our emotions?

JUST. DOESN'T. WORK.

It backfires. It backfires on your hips, your thighs, your butt, and your stomach. It backfires on the scale.

And WORST of all, it backfires in terms of your self-esteem, your confidence, and your happiness. After all, if you always think you've 'failed', what kind of life are you leading? It drains your energy and sucks the JOY out of your life, because you're always thinking "I'm not good enough....I can't seem to stay OP...what's WRONG with me?"

I read blogs from so many of us that express this kind of feeling, and it's heartbreaking. Not only for the physical result of gaining the weight, but more importantly, due to the awful feelings of "letting ourselves down" all the time. We never measure up. We're never good enough. We berate ourselves. We hate ourselves. What's WRONG with us? "Why can't I stay OP?" we say.

I hear you. I've BEEN there. I know how awful it feels.

So instead of feeling bad...maybe try and REMEMBER how bad you felt, the NEXT time you have that 'urge' to just 'real quick' shove something extra into your mouth. Remember the emotional results.

And remember that the bottom line is, as much as we'd like it NOT to be true, EVERY calorie counts. No matter how fast we eat it (LOL).
In emotional AND physical results.

That's a hard fact of life to deal with.  ESPECIALLY once we've gotten to goal. After all, we're supposed to be 'done', right?  We're at goal!

But guess what? I'll NEVER be 'done'. My journey is continuous and it's full of surprises...some good, some not-so-good. But it's all a learning experience and I can never sit back on my laurels and just say "I've got this", because I know the truth:  The truth is, the minute I think I've 'got this', yet another problem or life event happens and guess what? It's a new thing I have to deal with. And that's just life! 

So...in terms of getting or being 'full', what IS full?

Full isn't BLOATED.  Full isn't overstuffed. 

"Full" is just a pleasant feeling of satiety, of satisfaction. It's JUST ENOUGH. Not too much.

It's not "OMG I'm so stuffed I can't eat anymore".
It's not eating to the point of PAIN.
It's not eating to the point where you have to go and lie down because you're SLEEPY from all that food.

"Full" is just meeting the physical requirements of my body to nourish it properly. THAT'S ALL.

While I was on the 5/1, I could accept the fact that I wouldn't be overstuffed. After all, I was 'dieting'. (Yes, I know, it's not a diet....but let's face it, while we're on the 5/1 we still have that "this will end someday" feeling....once we get to goal, right?)

But now that I'm in maintenance?  Somehow that emotional 'switch' inside got set off that swears I 'should' be able to eat until I'm 'overfull'. And that's just not the truth! 

I have to learn that 'just enough' is enough. It's NORMAL.
It's what I SHOULD be eating.

OVERSTUFFING is not normal.

Overstuffing is abusing my body and I'm done with that.

I'm SO done with that. I refuse to go there anymore.
I take care of myself now.

I VALUE myself more now.

And that means I don't overstuff myself. NO MATTER WHAT.

I think there's a fine line between 'treating' yourself and 'abusing' yourself. When you're a food addict, you TELL yourself you're treating yourself....but in actuality, you know darn well you're really ABUSING yourself.

You KNOW you'll hate yourself later. You KNOW you'll "pay" for that extra whatever-it-is-you-overate (and it doesn't matter WHAT the food is) afterwards in self-recrimination and guilt and feeling STUPID and WEAK and like you have no self-discipline.

Well, the truth is, any of us on this program that has had any success at all has TONS of self-discipline. We can stick to a plan. We can say NO. We can walk away. We can and we DO.

MORE so, even, at times, then some of our thin friends do!
Maybe they are blessed with faster metabolisms and don't have to 'diet' continuously like we do. Maybe they aren't food addicts...and we see them gorge themselves, but then for the next day-and-a-half they eat next to nothing! 

Thin people fascinate me, because they just are DIFFERENT. They view food differently. They don't 'use' food the way I do. Which again, fascinates me.

But I'll never be like that. I know that. I can't change who I am inside....and inside I'm a food addict and always will be.

So....the next step becomes, what do I DO about it?

Do I give up? Crawl into a hole with my sludge and DIE? 
NO WAY!

How about the feast or famine thing? (we all know that mentality, right?  You gorge over the weekend...or one night or one binge or whatever...and then you "make up for it" by STARVING yourself the rest of the week, hoping to negate the effects of your binge).

NOPE. I'm done with that, too.
That's a one-way ticket to KRAZYLAND and I'm tired of living there, I want to live a NORMAL life.

I want to be able to eat at a moderate pace ALL THE TIME. I don't want to starve myself....and I don't want to stuff myself, either.

Finding that 'fine line' between satisfied and full and OVERFULL. That's the challenge.

I'm learning....little by little, what that means. What that feels like.

And it's not as bad as I thought it would be. I CAN survive without overstuffing. When I'm finished with my meal, I'm FINISHED. Period.

It's time to RELAX afterwards, take a sip or two (or five LOL) of water, maybe sip some herb tea, and THINK about how I feel, just being pleasantly full without overfull.

It's a new feeling and I think I like it!  :)

Every day we're getting closer and closer to our goals....and developing more and more experience with our eating habits and learning to handle our food addiction.

The process is different for each and every one of us...when we go through certain stages along the way, and how we manage them. Which stumbling blocks prove harder than others.

But the end result -- if you stick it out! -- becomes a HEALTHIER, HAPPIER "YOU", inside AND out.

Your emotional makeup improves as you gain confidence and self-esteem, as you finally figure out that YOU MATTER, you are worthwhile, you are loveable 'just the way you are' and needn't change yourself or turn yourself inside-out to please others.

And your physical makeup obviously improves as you get lean and toned and more flexible and have more physical strength and outright HEALTH. Your blood pressure can stabilize; your blood sugar levels can return to normal, so MANY things can benefit physically from carrying around less weight.

It's all a GREAT outcome put together.

And it's worth it.

So the next time Fat Brain tells me I'm not 'full', I will tell her -- as I always do -- to 'sit down and shut up' because I KNOW better.

FULL is just eating 'enough'. NOT TOO MUCH.

And what a great feeling that is!

Keep on keepin' on!

--
Linda
Linda Leiby
Take Shape For Life Certified Health Coach
"Keep on keepin' on!"
For Orders: www.Catlover77.tsfl.com
My blogs: www.lincoach.blogspot.com