What are YOU hungering for?

I'm in Day 24 back OP (on program) and still rolling along, feeling good.  I had a minor slip-up over the weekend but I was able to crawl and claw my way out of that particular hole, and got right back 100% on Monday, but it got me to thinking.

This morning I grabbed - pretty much at random - one of my binge-eating self-help books, one of many I've read and some are better than others but I usually can find a little nugget of truth inside me after reading them so they DO help - "The Food is a Lie: The Truth Lies Within" by Bronwyn Marmo....and reading from it I came across a chapter about making peace with your hungry side. 

Here's a quote:
"Healing from binge eating began with the awareness and understanding that the coping strategy I had once used was no longer working.  Food had previously served an important role and purpose in my life, as it was my best friend and lover.  As I matured and my needs grew, my expectations of what the food should give me, increased.  However, the food couldn't keep up with my demands.  No matter how many times I gave it a try, my needs were not being met.  Sadly, I realized they were never met by the food.  The food was a substitute and failing me miserably now."

THIS is what it's all about, when you come down to it.

We "feed" our problems when we're food addicts.  We feed them because it's what we learned to do, from an early age when Mom or Grandma gave us a cookie to "feel better", and so we associate food with solving our emotional problems, whatever they are. Normal eaters grow OUT of this....either they stop using food to solve their problems, or they are the type that can be happy with ONE square of chocolate. 

But somehow WE don't. 

Maybe we turn into perennial dieters.  You know the type.  Dieting one week, bingeing the next.  So that we have that 'release' that food provides for us (during our binge periods) but we also get to live in the real world and NOT 'LOOK IT'....not be obese or stick out in any way, because we are taking OFF whatever weight we gained during our binge periods by following them with a period of extreme deprivation dieting.  Sometimes to dangerous levels.  Sometimes to the point of bulimia. 
And unfortunately this gets reinforced in our society.  How many times have you heard someone say "I'm dieting this week, I gained 4 lbs. over the weekend".  How many times have you done it YOURSELF?  It's perfectly acceptable.  It's even encouraged!  The food and diet industries are BOOMING.  Both of them.  So you have all these people overeating, and eating JUNK, and yet at the same time, you have all these other people (sometimes the same person, just different time periods) taking diet pills and supplements and doing juice fasts and cleansing routines and protein shakes and overexercising and...you know the deal.  It's everywhere. 

We "USE" diets to REVERSE the damage we did by our "USING" food!

And some of us just become obese.  We don't bother dieting anymore.  We have totally given UP. 

We tell anyone who'll listen that 'diets don't work' for us.  That we're hopeless, so we have resolved to just be FAT the rest of our lives because we can't do it, we can't give up our goodies.  Besides, our spouses, our families, our friends, everyone loves us 'anyway', we reason. Might as well just give up and be FAT.  Who cares? 

Well of course that's not true...because even the heaviest person has that little nugget inside them going "This is not really who you are, you know.  You CAN be better."

Sometimes we try the gastric bypass route....but sadly, this, too, is an illusion.  Maybe you can cut out a lot of the fat, and maybe you can shrink your stomach....but it's only temporary for a lot of folks because it doesn't address the REAL problem.  I've known people who can't eat more than 1 ounce of food at a time, and somehow they have become obese...AGAIN.  Because they find a way!  They just eat more fattening foods, or they've learned to eat more often.  They find a way because they still haven't solved the problem. 

Because the problem isn't IN your stomach.  And it's not in the type of diet you're on or the wrong nutrition or the wrong exercise program or you've hit a setpoint in your weight or your genes or your thyroid or whatever excuse you like to tell everyone. 

You know better. 

The problem is IN YOUR HEAD.

The problem is we are USING food to 'fix' the problems in our lives.  Maybe it's a big thing, like losing someone precious to you or getting fired or getting divorced or going bankrupt or any number of possibilities that can happen in this life. 

But maybe it's not even a 'big' thing!  That's the problem.  Most of us don't have a whole LOT of 'big' things happen in our lives.  Thankfully.  After all, we live in the most prosperous country in the world, and even the poorest among us have a standard of living that the poorer countries envy.  We want for nothing in this country.  We have freedom of choice, freedom of movement, we can eat, talk to, listen to, celebrate, whatever we like.

So why are we overeating so much?  Why is binge eating such a problem?  Why is it that I have 100+ people in my B.E.D. FB group and it's growing all the time?  Men, women, big, small, old, young, it doesn't matter. 

MANY many people are afflicted with B.E.D....(binge eating disorder)....a whole lot MORE than have been counted, I wager.  Because it's not the type of thing we TALK about, either.  Is it?  How many of us can open up and say 'I'm a binge eater?'  Not many.  It's hidden.  We don't talk about it.  Because it's a dirty little secret that we can't eat like 'normal' people.  We just can't STOP sometimes.  So we feel ashamed of ourselves.  After all, we can't handle a basic function of life which is to eat enough, but not too much! 

So what's WRONG with us? 

What's wrong with us is we USE food.  To solve our problems.  And they aren't always the big problems, as I said those are few and far between.  We use food to solve the little things, sometimes trivial things, stupid things, that are hard to talk about.  Hard to identify, even.  The little squirrelly feelings, like something just isn't right.  Maybe we're a little tired, or bored, or angry.  It's usually, for me anyway, not a 'big' thing.  The big things I can identify.  If I'm really mad, I KNOW it.  And I express it and it's out and over with and I'm fine.

But if I'm just mildly annoyed....and if it's not a situation where I can express that annoyance...for example a boss you can't talk back to, or a spouse that you KNOW will overreact....or your little old maiden Aunt who didn't really MEAN to offend you so how can you be so rotten as to SAY something?  Etc.....you get the idea.  Then what?  How do we handle it? 

If you're bored, what do you think about?  If you've had a bad day, do you automatically start dreaming about what you're going to eat and/or drink when you get home?  The martini after work bit?  Maybe it's the meet-the-gang-for-cheeseburgers-and-beer thing that gets reinforced in all those restaurant commercials showing happy, healthy, SLIM young people 'celebrating' the fact that it's Friday by eating giant burgers and cheese fries. 
Maybe it's just that trigger food....you know the one, the thing you can't seem to stay away from....that 'calls' to you when you arrive home from a hard day's work.

Whatever it is, it's your panacea.  It's your way of COPING.  Just like cigarettes or booze or drugs do for others.  FOOD IS OUR DRUG.

And since it originates in our HEADS, we have to CURE it with our heads. 

How do you do that?

Well, I believe the first step is to handle the physical aspects of it.  You can't start taking control over your eating if you're physically hungry all the time because you're not eating enough or you're eating the wrong foods. You need to deliberately get on a nutritious food plan that feeds your body nutritiously WITHOUT triggering that sugar 'thing' that will make you overly hungry, because you don't add ANOTHER problem - a physical one - on top of the emotional one. 
For me, the Medifast 5/1 meal program does that.  It provides "just enough" calories to keep me satisfied (and well balanced calories, every meal is a perfect triangle of protein/carbs/fats) without triggering my hunger.  And yet I still lose weight, because I'm in ketosis, a mild fat-burning state that happens with the Medifast program when you follow it to the letter.  The food is tasty, and you eat 6 times a day.  That's enough for even the hungriest of us LOL.  You wait 2-3 hours between each meal.  Anyone can do that, right?  A child can do it.  And in between you drink plenty of water and non-caloric beverages.  Herb tea, crystal light, even diet soda is permitted (although for some of us that encourages the 'sweet' thing so we have to limit or exclude it).  So you're always FULL, there's always a 'next meal' coming.  That satisfies the PHYSICAL side.

Because there's nothing worse than trying to decipher a food addiction, and get into your own head, while you're literally physically STARVING yourself.  That's counterproductive and it won't work in the long run.

And then you get into your head.  BIGTIME.  I'm serious.  You read.  You journal.  You analyze your feelings.  You STOP yourself whenever you have a thought about eating something you shouldn't be eating or eating more than you should, and you ASK yourself, "What's going on with me right now?  What am I looking for in the food?  What's BOTHERING me right now?"

You won't always be able to determine what's going on.  We've learned to BURY our feelings so well that the process of digging them out can take time and it can be frustrating.  But keep at it.  Do the exercises in some of the books I've recommended (see the FILES section, "Recommended Reading" for more info).  LISTEN TO YOUR HEART.  And your SOUL.  Not so much your brain.  Your brain is wired to just turn to what's always 'worked' for you in the past (or so it thinks), which is FOOD.  Instead, you need to DECIPHER the CODE that's going on in your head.  Hear the excuses but recognize them for what they are.  Things like 'one won't hurt'.  (you know better by now, right?)  You know what I'm talking about.  All the excuses, the suggestions and ideas that you come up with to justify overeating or bingeing.

Then instead, once you've separated out "Fat Brain" (because that's not really YOU, you know, that's just your addiction talking), remember that you have an INTELLIGENT side that KNOWS better....and do what SHE says (which will be, of course, STAY on your prescribed food plan)....and then:

GET IN TOUCH WITH YOUR HEART AND SOUL.  Like I said, do this by meditation, by reading, by journaling, by reading some of the posts here, by listening to others with the same problem (because you'll hear YOURSELF!), and you will begin to heal.  You will begin to SEE how you've USED food....and the why/when/where/how you use food....to solve your emotions. 

Here's how Bronwyn does it:
When the overwhelming cravings for something like double-chocolate cake or potato chips arise and I find myself being drawn to the kitchen in a trance, I make it a point to STOP (my emphasis) and remind myself that the answers are not going to be found in there.  I literally STOP (again, my emphasis) everything that I am doing.  If I'm walking, I stop my feet.  If I'm talking, I stop my mouth.  If I'm holding something, I drop it.  I freeze right there.
After I am completely still, I connect with my breath and watch it make its way in and down and then up and out. On the fourth or fifth deep breath, I settle my awareness in, bringing me into the present moment.  When I am centered and connected with my innermost truth, then I ask myself the deeper question, "What am I really hungering for?"  I use the word "hungering" instead of "hungry", because I know it's not about the food.  It's about something much deeper.
It wasn't always easy to find the truth because I had stuffed down the answer for so many years.  With practice and constant faith, I gained the courage to explore the deepest places in my heart, peeling away layer after layer.  What I was really hungering for led to observations about what was going on in my life right at that moment.  "Could it be that I think I'm craving that double-chocolate cake because I just had an argument with my husband and I'm looking to soothe myself?"  "Could it be that it's not about food at all, I'm angry at myself for once again repressing my true voice and not allowing my thought and feelings to be expressed?  Could it be that I'm really craving security in my life because I've created so much chaos by overcommitting?"  "Could it be that I'm running away from my responsibilites right now?" 

Our thought process happens so fast we can't even CATCH it.  That's why she talks about FREEZING herself physically.  She's trying to capture the thought in her head before it becomes "I NEED to eat that food".  Instead, she's interfering with that process....she's interrupting it, if you will, by stopping and asking herself what's REALLY going on right now.

Here's one for you.  When you have an argument with someone and you feel TENSE?  It's not a comfortable feeling, right?  And maybe you KNOW you're in the right, but you can't get the other person to see it.  Maybe you got intimidated.  Maybe they even told you to shut UP already LOL.  How do you feel?  Bad, right?  Like you need to be SOOTHED, right?  Like it doesn't matter what 'they' say, you KNOW you're right....and it's not fair....and doesn't ANYONE understand?
Well, food does, right?  Food doesn't judge you.  It just...sits there. And it always tastes the same and you'll feel fuller and you'll get that sugar 'rush' if it's sugary or whatever and you forget all about feeling bad.

How about at work?  I'm sure you've run into situations where you didn't WANT to do what you were told to do, it was stupid, it was total bullshit, whatever.  But you had to do it and you had to keep your mouth shut about it so you did it....but then you had all this FRUSTRATION built up.  UGH.  Frustration is a big one for overeaters.  If you bang your head against the wall enough times, sooner or later you're going to want to soothe that with a bunch of food you really shouldn't be eating but that FEELS better, somehow.   

So it works, to a certain extent.

But at what COST?  We've all seen the after-effects.  It's just not WORTH IT anymore, right? 
I mean, we are all here because we've HAD it with binge eating.  We want to STOP! 

So it's IMPERATIVE that we learn how to do this.  How to STOP and really THINK about what we're feeling.  EVERY time we have a craving. 

Seriously.  It's not physical.  It's EMOTIONAL.  You may tell yourself you're not an emotional eater....but if you dive into the Ben & Jerry's the night AFTER you had a fight with your best friend, after sitting there stewing over it, guess what?  You are 'making it better'...with FOOD.  You're escaping the only way you know how.  The ACCEPTABLE way in our society.

In the Take Shape for Life program using Medifast meals, we call this process "Stop Challenge Choose".  But whatever you call it, and however you do it, I urge you to try. 

GET IN TOUCH with your deepest feelings.  And see if you can find ways to soothe yourself WITHOUT hitting the refrigerator.  Go with what FEELS good.  Don't make excuses as to why you can't.  DO IT.  Take a bath if you're in need of comfort, or put on your favorite slouchy pants and spend hours just reading and relaxing.  Go take a nap if you're tired.  Take a walk outside if you're feeling ansy or angry and you need to let off some steam.  Talk to a friend if you're feeling depressed.  There are all KINDS of ways to handle your feelings without food....but first you have to IDENTIFY the feeling  And that's really the hardest part, because again, we've spent a LIFETIME burying those feelings under a layer of double-fudge whatever. 

It's time to come OUT from under the sludge and learn who YOU are. 

You ARE worthwhile.  Your feelings DO count.  And you DO deserve to live the life you want to live.  But you can only do it if you figure out WHO you are and WHAT you want.

Do that with breathing, with meditation, with reading, with journaling, with just THINKING about your food habits.  STOP yourself whenever you find yourself thinking about a certain food or craving it or whatever.  There's a reason behind it.

You just have to discover what it is. 

Keep on keepin' on,

LINDA
angiecat6@comcast.net