Living in the Enemy Camp!

I love to write (duh...), but I also love to read.

Right now I'm neck-deep in a Tom Clancy 'Jack Ryan' novel....one I've read before, but that's OK (if it's a good book I'll come back months or even years later and re-read it)...about cybercrime and spies and running surveillance in hostile territory.   

I love books like these because they take me out of my hum-drum world and into another one, an exciting one full of danger and intrigue and I always get to be the good guy who saves the planet.  LOL.

But I was thinking this morning that my life isn't all that dissimilar to that of a spy living in enemy territory.
Not that I'm in physical danger, of course. 

....Well, not unless you count the danger from an inevitable heart attack or diabetes or other major health problem due to obesity if I DON'T get - and KEEP - my attack together in terms of my eating and exercise.

No, I'm talking about feeling like you're living ONE life, and believing ONE thing, while the rest of the world believes...another.

I'm talking about food. 

We live in a food-centric society where we are virtually SURROUNDED by food cues.  And the most vocal of these cues is about the worst stuff for us!

The other night I saw a Coke commercial that actually SAID...."Excite your tastebuds while you're young" (or something to that affect).  Seriously, they were actually coming right out and SAYING that they wanted to hook you while you're young because it 'excites your tastebuds'.  Yeah, right.  That excitement comes due to the caffeine + sugar combination!  And of course, once you're hooked on sugar and caffeine, they own you for life.  A guaranteed consumer of Coke.  Yeah, gotta have it.  Gotta have that slug of sugar before I go do that impossible trick with my skateboard LOL....

Of course, they don't show that same person 20, 30 or 40 years later with no teeth because they rotted out from all the sugar.  Obese, unable to even walk up a flight of stairs, let alone do tricks on a skateboard.  Sitting on the couch 'binge watching' reality shows, and not really having much of a life anymore...
but hey, they still are drinking that Coke!
Sigh....

Is this what we're coming to?

America won't be conquered by another country, she doesn't have to be.

America is doing HERSELF in.  On sugar and sludge and the desire to have it NOW. 

We wait for...nothing.  Patience doesn't exist anymore.  And neither does eating healthy, unless YOU make a concerted, sustained effort to do so, DESPITE everything around you.

Despite the birthday parties and barbeques and all the other events that have FOOD center stage. And drive-throughs because you can't wait to actually COOK and eat a healthy meal, God forbid, you have to 'eat on the run' and eat this wonderfully-tasting stuff.  No, it's not good for you, but hey, we want our instant gratification, right?

Yes, I sometimes feel like a lone spy in an enemy camp.  "No, thank you" has to be practiced over and over again.  Even my GYM has sludge sometimes....someone will bring in cupcakes to celebrate a birthday of a long-standing member or staff person at the gym.  Or they will do half-price protein shakes (with more calories than in THREE of my Medifast meals LOL).

But you know what?  It's OK.

It's OK because I can't change the world, I can only change my little part of it.

It's about CONTROL!

Today is Day '9' of staying OP 100%, and I'm happy to say it's getting easier every day. 

Once you get past those first couple/4-5 days...definitely the first week....you get
into a routine and you can just cruise along.  And THAT'S when the weight practically FALLS off your body.  And you feel more and more energy coming back, and your
confidence soars and you know that you can do ANYTHING.

The funny part is, I'm doing it this time without logging like crazy, without
charts and graphs, without the scale, even!  I'm not even active on MyFitnessPal
anymore.  All I do is record what I eat in pen on a xeroxed copy of the Daily Food Log
real quick....and move on.  No counting ANYTHING. 

Why not?  Well, with the 5/1 it's not necessary! I mean, I KNOW what to eat.  It's not
rocket science.  5 MF packets and a full L&G every day.  Simple. 

It's a great way to eat.  No more calorie counting.  No more bargaining that I did
Spinning so I burned 600 calories so I get to eat that much yada yada (what a mess)...

And if you have a good food plan, even AFTERWARDS, when you hit maintenance,
if you stick to your food plan...'x' amount of lean proteins, 'x' of veggies, 'x' of fruit
(when you get there), etc....you don't NEED to count calories.

The calorie-counting/scale weighing thing can be a TRAP.

I think too much!

It occurred to me last night that I think too much.

LOL.

Seriously!   From the time I was a kid, I'd prefer to read, alone in my room, to running around outside with the other kids.  I just was always 'into my own head'.   My mother used to say "How did I get such a DEEP child?"

But here's the thing.  All that thinking, when you're a food addict, isn't necessarily a good thing!

We all have a conversation going on in our heads, all day, every day.  Call it your conscience, call it your soul, call it your spirit guide, even call it Fat Brain (because if you're a food addict, you definitely HAVE a Fat Brain LOL...)....it's that little voice inside your head that is your constant critic, or constant cheerleader, or somewhere in between.  He/she tells you what to do sometimes, justifies what you're doing, etc.

And I don't know about you, but my Fat Brain NEVER shuts up.  And listening to her...and doing all that "thinking"....is what gets me into trouble, time and time again.

It's like, I analyze, and overanalyze, and over-over analyze, to ridiculous levels.  To the point where I can justify eating just about anything and have it make sense...at least for the 5 seconds it takes me to make the decision and put it into my mouth.  LOL.

"One won't hurt"
"I NEED this"
"I deserve this"
"I had such a hard day"
"I'm bored"
"I'm not feeling well, this will help"
"I'm so tired, I need a pick-me-up"
"I'm stressed out, it's either eat, or snap someone's head off"

etc. etc.

Do you do that?  Do you here yourself in some of these?

Of course you do.  We all do if we have a weight problem.

But the KEY is, learning not to listen!  Learning to shut that little voice OFF.

WHY in the world do I keep listening?  WHY do I fall for it?

Because I want to.  Because on some level, it's easier than staying the course and staying OP.  (On Program...the Medifast 5/1 program, that is).

Things I've Learned

I started MF in Feb. 2012, and made goal in July 2013. For the first year or so I was able to maintain that weight loss, but eventually I had this 'Is that all there is?' feeling....like suddenly I realized my life wasn't perfect, and was it WORTH it to forego all the wonderful foods everyone ELSE got to eat?

So I started 'experimenting' with eating sludge. Small amounts, but enough to kick off the food addiction so that I eventually fell into a binge/diet/binge/diet cycle. Of course that's no way to live, and it led to regaining enough weight that I had to finally take stock and get back on the 5&1 to get my head straight again.

I had made it to goal by telling myself I 'could' eat the sludge 'someday'. And now that 'someday' was here, and I ate sugar and junk food.... it was like an 'ON' switch that I couldn't turn off!

I was furious with myself, and the madder I got, the harder on myself I became.
And the harder on myself I was, the more I wanted to throw it all away and just EAT....

All that tension creates a not-so-fun environment in your head.
I realized that certain foods -- sugary desserts, junk food etc. -- would ALWAYS have to be off limits for me, because I couldn't limit it. I would start eating and not be able to stop. If I was eating in public I could 'look' normal, but in the privacy of my own home, or late at night, I found myself bingeing.

I was at war with myself.

Does Medifast CAUSE Binge Eating?

I've been struggling lately....for a number of reasons, not the least of which is the fact that I tend to OVERDO....on....well, everything.

The exercise I do for my health and the sake of my fibromyalgia (if I sit too long my muscles turn into concrete, so weight-training exercise is important;  and cardio is important for, let's face it...ALL of us...) has gotten a little crazy lately.  The gym modified its schedule and suddenly there were MORE Spinning classes.....and then my trainer suggested Kickboxing (trust me, Kickboxing is NOT a good idea for a 59-year-old fibromyalgia sufferer LOL)....which was a disaster.....and one thing led to another....my husband has health problems which are hard to deal with because like mine, they are chronic and can't be solved with a simple pill....

....and Winter droned on.....

Anyway.  I wound up in "Binge Land".  Those of you who've been there know what this is like.
It's a not-great place....where all you think about is what you're going to eat 'next'.

But a funny thing happened once I finally stopped struggling and just WENT with it.  I set a date on which I would go back on my program.....my Medifast 5&1 program, which is how I lost the weight to begin with....and I decided that, until then, I was going to let myself eat ANYTHING and EVERYTHING I wanted to, WHENEVER I wanted to.

And....suddenly, I didn't WANT it anymore.

Forbidden fruit?  Maybe.  Maybe that was part of it.  But not totally.  The bottom line was, once I allowed myself to eat 'anything', I suddenly realized that I just didn't FEEL great, physically, when I ate sludge. ("Sludge" by the way is the Medifast-term we call anything fried, greasy, sugary desserts, junk food...you know, all the stuff we all KNOW is bad for us).