OK, so we all know that
Headwork + the Right Nutrition (i.e., this program) = SUCCESS!
So.....why is headwork so difficult sometimes?
And how do you do it so the lessons 'sink in'?
Well, first of all, I found that headwork only 'works' if you're HONEST with yourself.
I mean, let's face it, sometimes we need to be brutally honest, to swallow our pride enough to let those thoughts and feelings out via blogging or emails or talking to your Coach or keeping a private diary or a journal or just sitting and THINKING sometimes about what goes through your head. Understanding that it's OK, you're among friends!
And we need to be open-minded enough to really LISTEN and internalize the ideas and suggestions that others might make, via comments or whatever, in turn.
It's not easy to swallow your pride. To admit that maybe you've been thinking along the wrong lines for a long long time. Believe me, I know. I did it!
FEAR is a big factor in doing the headwork. EXPOSING your thoughts and feelings takes COURAGE. And it takes even more courage to realize that maybe, just maybe, that comment that someone made was 100% correct -- you just didn't want to hear it!
How many times have we been in denial? "No way, that's NOT me".
Well, maybe it is.
"No, I can't forgive myself, I binged!"
YES, you can forgive yourself -- once you realize that you're HUMAN and that humans make mistakes, and the only way 'out' is 'through'.....to learn from those mistakes and analyze what went wrong afterwards (WITHOUT beating yourself up, which again is tough to do!)
So, the next time you have a craving or urge, sit down and pull it apart. Don't just fall for the easy excuse of "I was hungry" (if you're 100% OP, eating every 2-3 hours and drinking all your water, you ARE in ketosis and hunger -- real physical hunger -- shouldn't be a huge factor anymore).
It's hard to recognize emotional hunger versus physical hunger but the two can feel exactly the same! Your brain is just signalling you....telling yourself to 'eat', because you ALWAYS ate under those circumstances before.
But the bottom line is if you feel like you're 'still hungry', and you're staying OP, something else is going on.
There is a buried feeling, or anxiety, or confusion, or depression, or some other feeling you DO NOT LIKE and don't want to FEEL right now, so the urge to 'bury' those feelings and escape into your old friend, FOOD, can feel...overwhelming!
But!!!.... It's OK to feel anxious sometimes.
It's OK to feel confused. Or stressed. Or unhappy. Or lonely. Or....whatever!
"Normal" people feel these feelings all the time.
We, however, have learned how NOT to feel those feelings. Simply EAT!
"AHHHH.......that's better". How many times have I gone that route?
Way TOO many.
Because I was terrified of my OWN FEELINGS. I thought I would 'die' from being angry or unhappy or stressed or whatever. I couldn't see that these feelings had an ENDpoint, that I wouldn't feel this way 'forever'.
It took many times just allowing myself to FEEL -- without burying my head in a tub of Ben&Jerrys -- to realize that these bad feelings DO GO AWAY!
They DON'T last forever. And I CAN live through them.
I don't need to run from my feelings anymore. They can't hurt me, not really.
I can turn and face them and say "You know what? I'm confused and unhappy right now, but that's OK. I'll live. I'll figure it out eventually ....I don't need to take it out on my body."
In a lot of weird ways, overeating is like Punishment + Reward at the same time!
Think about it. It's BOTH! We 'think' we're rewarding ourselves, taking care of ourselves or soothing ourselves, but in reality we are PUNISHING ourselves for having FEELINGS! (?!???).....
Especially 'bad' feelings. We're not SUPPOSED to have bad feelings.
If you're like me, the perennial 'good girl', we're supposed to be 'perfect' all the time. Calm, cool, and collected. IN CHARGE.
So when a feeling really hits us, we want to squelch it. Push it down. Way down deep inside where it can't hurt us. Ignore it. Deny it. EAT to forget it.
That's why I call myself a food addict.
I "used" food the same way an alcoholic uses booze or a drug addict uses drugs!
To ESCAPE. To NOT feel.
But on some level, I was punishing myself for NOT having 'all the answers'.
God forbid if I wasn't perfect, right? I had too many people depending upon me! I HAD to be 'perfect'!!! I mean, I was so SMART, right? High IQ, straight As, National Honor Society, everyone's 'good' girl.
Yet I was -- and am -- HUMAN, just like the next person!
And sometimes, we humans don't have a CLUE of WHAT the heck we're doing!
And you know what? THAT'S OK!!!!
It's OK not to have 'all the answers'. It's OK to grope around in the darkness of my mind sometimes, looking for those answers.
And I do NOT have to be 'happy' all the time. In fact it's impossible to be happy all the time, unless you've had a lobotomy or something. Because being human and having a brain means that every day is NOT going to be wonderful and we're NOT always going to feel great.
We don't HAVE to be happy all the time. Life isn't easy -- it's a series of event, of experiences, some good, some not-so-good. It's how we HANDLE them that creates our character and shapes us (literally AND figuratively! LOL).
So the next time you get angry, or sad, or upset, or stressed or frustrated....and your brain immediately starts thinking 'What can I EAT?' (because it WILL, it will!...).....STOP for a second.
STOP and listen to what's happening inside of you.
Maybe there's a perfectly good REASON for you to be upset! Maybe someone is treating you like DIRT and you need to 'pull on those big girl panties' and let them know you won't tolerate being treated that way anymore! (Or ignore them if that's not an option, or stay away from them, whatever!)
Maybe you're depressed for an excellent reason....it's raining, it's Monday morning, you didn't get enough sleep last night, you have a hard workweek coming up and you think you just got a cold! Of COURSE you're depressed. Allow yourself to FEEL it for a bit. It won't KILL you.
It's just a feeling.
FEELINGS don't last forever. Remember that. There really IS 'always tomorrow'.
And you can get through your bad feelings out to the 'other side' where you feel better again.
REALLY.
But the important thing is, when you start to really THINK about 'why' you're hungry 'right now', and you ask yourself how you FEEL inside....and you realize it's your EMOTIONS, not physical hunger, ....... how do you DEAL with it?
You can just 'sit with the feeling'.....remembering that it won't last forever, and just sort of 'experimenting' 'how' it feels....reminding yourself over and over again that it won't kill you, it's OK.....which sometimes is the best thing to do!
OR
You can find something HEALTHY to do to soothe yourself.
Like have a cup of herb tea, relax for a bit, do some deep breathing, do some meditation, exercise (even a slow walk outside can work wonders), write about it, play an instrument, sing, take a drive (provided it's not to the local grocery store or fast food joint), talk with a friend, take up a hobby....there are all SORTS of alternatives.
It's up to YOU to find the ones that work for you, and DO them consistently, so that your brain has an alternative to handle that particular feeling the next time, instead of eating.
If you keep doing this, i.e., finding 'substitutes', eventually your brain will build NEW pathways, and guess what? You'll STOP automatically thinking of eating, and instead you'll think "I really need a cup of herb tea right now".
That is one AWESOME NSV (Non Scale Victory), in my opinion.
You keep building those new pathways, over and over again....throughout your journey, and eventually, hopefully, you've got it all pretty well covered! To the point where things have to get really really REALLY bad for you to even THINK about food!
IT CAN HAPPEN.
It has happened to me, more than once....and when I realize it (usually a day or two later), my mouth drops open in astonishment! But WOW, it really DOES work!
Suddenly I'm thinking of THROWING something at my DH instead of stuffing my face. Not that throwing something is actually a healthy alternative LOL....but the point is, I EXPRESS my feelings now. And it took some practice, believe me. But I figured it out. I learned how to express my feelings without angering HIM (and sometimes, you know what? I don't CARE if he gets mad, I'm entitled to my feelings and I'm allowed to be treated with respect! Men and women do NOT think alike LOL). Suddenly I'm thinking 'I need a hot bath' when I'm sore and achy from the gym, whereas before maybe I was thinking "I DESERVE extra _______ (insert food here) because I worked out SO HARD". LOL. (talk about undoing all the good I did!)Suddenly I'm wanting to sink myself into my PS3 game and just 'zone out' for awhile because I'm just too tense and feeling overwhelmed right now and I need a 'time out' sometimes.Let's face it, we ALL need leisure time.....don't cheat yourself out of it! Just find leisure activities that DO NOT involve something gooey or sweet or ... you know the deal LOL.You CAN 'soothe' yourself....WITHOUT food. And YES you CAN get to the point where you view food as NUTRITION instead of your default 'setting' whenever things go wrong. r your view o the You C
YOU CAN do it. It IS possible. It takes TIME, yes. We lose weight quickly on this program physically.....but our HEADS change a lot slower. And if it takes our heads longer, that's OK, as long as you never give up on yourself.
Remember, there are ALWAYS alternatives to eating something. HEALTHY alternatives.
You don't have to repeat the same scripts over and over and over again.
But you have to start somewhere.
You have to take that first 'baby step' by STOPPING yourself the next time, and challenging yourself to come up with another method to handle your feeling.
And then you have to BRAG about it, REWARD yourself for it by patting yourself on the back or writing smiley faces on your calendar and/or food log or treating yourself to a new top or... whatever. Because then your brain goes "Ooooh....lookee! I get rewarded for doing it this way!" and you'll naturally want to repeat that 'good' behavior again.
That's really what it's all about. Staying OP and learning new behaviors in response to LIFE.
Keep on keepin' on!
Headwork + the Right Nutrition (i.e., this program) = SUCCESS!
So.....why is headwork so difficult sometimes?
And how do you do it so the lessons 'sink in'?
Well, first of all, I found that headwork only 'works' if you're HONEST with yourself.
I mean, let's face it, sometimes we need to be brutally honest, to swallow our pride enough to let those thoughts and feelings out via blogging or emails or talking to your Coach or keeping a private diary or a journal or just sitting and THINKING sometimes about what goes through your head. Understanding that it's OK, you're among friends!
And we need to be open-minded enough to really LISTEN and internalize the ideas and suggestions that others might make, via comments or whatever, in turn.
It's not easy to swallow your pride. To admit that maybe you've been thinking along the wrong lines for a long long time. Believe me, I know. I did it!
FEAR is a big factor in doing the headwork. EXPOSING your thoughts and feelings takes COURAGE. And it takes even more courage to realize that maybe, just maybe, that comment that someone made was 100% correct -- you just didn't want to hear it!
How many times have we been in denial? "No way, that's NOT me".
Well, maybe it is.
"No, I can't forgive myself, I binged!"
YES, you can forgive yourself -- once you realize that you're HUMAN and that humans make mistakes, and the only way 'out' is 'through'.....to learn from those mistakes and analyze what went wrong afterwards (WITHOUT beating yourself up, which again is tough to do!)
So, the next time you have a craving or urge, sit down and pull it apart. Don't just fall for the easy excuse of "I was hungry" (if you're 100% OP, eating every 2-3 hours and drinking all your water, you ARE in ketosis and hunger -- real physical hunger -- shouldn't be a huge factor anymore).
It's hard to recognize emotional hunger versus physical hunger but the two can feel exactly the same! Your brain is just signalling you....telling yourself to 'eat', because you ALWAYS ate under those circumstances before.
But the bottom line is if you feel like you're 'still hungry', and you're staying OP, something else is going on.
There is a buried feeling, or anxiety, or confusion, or depression, or some other feeling you DO NOT LIKE and don't want to FEEL right now, so the urge to 'bury' those feelings and escape into your old friend, FOOD, can feel...overwhelming!
But!!!.... It's OK to feel anxious sometimes.
It's OK to feel confused. Or stressed. Or unhappy. Or lonely. Or....whatever!
"Normal" people feel these feelings all the time.
We, however, have learned how NOT to feel those feelings. Simply EAT!
"AHHHH.......that's better". How many times have I gone that route?
Way TOO many.
Because I was terrified of my OWN FEELINGS. I thought I would 'die' from being angry or unhappy or stressed or whatever. I couldn't see that these feelings had an ENDpoint, that I wouldn't feel this way 'forever'.
It took many times just allowing myself to FEEL -- without burying my head in a tub of Ben&Jerrys -- to realize that these bad feelings DO GO AWAY!
They DON'T last forever. And I CAN live through them.
I don't need to run from my feelings anymore. They can't hurt me, not really.
I can turn and face them and say "You know what? I'm confused and unhappy right now, but that's OK. I'll live. I'll figure it out eventually ....I don't need to take it out on my body."
In a lot of weird ways, overeating is like Punishment + Reward at the same time!
Think about it. It's BOTH! We 'think' we're rewarding ourselves, taking care of ourselves or soothing ourselves, but in reality we are PUNISHING ourselves for having FEELINGS! (?!???).....
Especially 'bad' feelings. We're not SUPPOSED to have bad feelings.
If you're like me, the perennial 'good girl', we're supposed to be 'perfect' all the time. Calm, cool, and collected. IN CHARGE.
So when a feeling really hits us, we want to squelch it. Push it down. Way down deep inside where it can't hurt us. Ignore it. Deny it. EAT to forget it.
That's why I call myself a food addict.
I "used" food the same way an alcoholic uses booze or a drug addict uses drugs!
To ESCAPE. To NOT feel.
But on some level, I was punishing myself for NOT having 'all the answers'.
God forbid if I wasn't perfect, right? I had too many people depending upon me! I HAD to be 'perfect'!!! I mean, I was so SMART, right? High IQ, straight As, National Honor Society, everyone's 'good' girl.
Yet I was -- and am -- HUMAN, just like the next person!
And sometimes, we humans don't have a CLUE of WHAT the heck we're doing!
And you know what? THAT'S OK!!!!
It's OK not to have 'all the answers'. It's OK to grope around in the darkness of my mind sometimes, looking for those answers.
And I do NOT have to be 'happy' all the time. In fact it's impossible to be happy all the time, unless you've had a lobotomy or something. Because being human and having a brain means that every day is NOT going to be wonderful and we're NOT always going to feel great.
We don't HAVE to be happy all the time. Life isn't easy -- it's a series of event, of experiences, some good, some not-so-good. It's how we HANDLE them that creates our character and shapes us (literally AND figuratively! LOL).
So the next time you get angry, or sad, or upset, or stressed or frustrated....and your brain immediately starts thinking 'What can I EAT?' (because it WILL, it will!...).....STOP for a second.
STOP and listen to what's happening inside of you.
Maybe there's a perfectly good REASON for you to be upset! Maybe someone is treating you like DIRT and you need to 'pull on those big girl panties' and let them know you won't tolerate being treated that way anymore! (Or ignore them if that's not an option, or stay away from them, whatever!)
Maybe you're depressed for an excellent reason....it's raining, it's Monday morning, you didn't get enough sleep last night, you have a hard workweek coming up and you think you just got a cold! Of COURSE you're depressed. Allow yourself to FEEL it for a bit. It won't KILL you.
It's just a feeling.
FEELINGS don't last forever. Remember that. There really IS 'always tomorrow'.
And you can get through your bad feelings out to the 'other side' where you feel better again.
REALLY.
But the important thing is, when you start to really THINK about 'why' you're hungry 'right now', and you ask yourself how you FEEL inside....and you realize it's your EMOTIONS, not physical hunger, ....... how do you DEAL with it?
You can just 'sit with the feeling'.....remembering that it won't last forever, and just sort of 'experimenting' 'how' it feels....reminding yourself over and over again that it won't kill you, it's OK.....which sometimes is the best thing to do!
OR
You can find something HEALTHY to do to soothe yourself.
Like have a cup of herb tea, relax for a bit, do some deep breathing, do some meditation, exercise (even a slow walk outside can work wonders), write about it, play an instrument, sing, take a drive (provided it's not to the local grocery store or fast food joint), talk with a friend, take up a hobby....there are all SORTS of alternatives.
It's up to YOU to find the ones that work for you, and DO them consistently, so that your brain has an alternative to handle that particular feeling the next time, instead of eating.
If you keep doing this, i.e., finding 'substitutes', eventually your brain will build NEW pathways, and guess what? You'll STOP automatically thinking of eating, and instead you'll think "I really need a cup of herb tea right now".
That is one AWESOME NSV (Non Scale Victory), in my opinion.
You keep building those new pathways, over and over again....throughout your journey, and eventually, hopefully, you've got it all pretty well covered! To the point where things have to get really really REALLY bad for you to even THINK about food!
IT CAN HAPPEN.
It has happened to me, more than once....and when I realize it (usually a day or two later), my mouth drops open in astonishment! But WOW, it really DOES work!
Suddenly I'm thinking of THROWING something at my DH instead of stuffing my face. Not that throwing something is actually a healthy alternative LOL....but the point is, I EXPRESS my feelings now. And it took some practice, believe me. But I figured it out. I learned how to express my feelings without angering HIM (and sometimes, you know what? I don't CARE if he gets mad, I'm entitled to my feelings and I'm allowed to be treated with respect! Men and women do NOT think alike LOL). Suddenly I'm thinking 'I need a hot bath' when I'm sore and achy from the gym, whereas before maybe I was thinking "I DESERVE extra _______ (insert food here) because I worked out SO HARD". LOL. (talk about undoing all the good I did!)Suddenly I'm wanting to sink myself into my PS3 game and just 'zone out' for awhile because I'm just too tense and feeling overwhelmed right now and I need a 'time out' sometimes.Let's face it, we ALL need leisure time.....don't cheat yourself out of it! Just find leisure activities that DO NOT involve something gooey or sweet or ... you know the deal LOL.You CAN 'soothe' yourself....WITHOUT food. And YES you CAN get to the point where you view food as NUTRITION instead of your default 'setting' whenever things go wrong. r your view o the You C
YOU CAN do it. It IS possible. It takes TIME, yes. We lose weight quickly on this program physically.....but our HEADS change a lot slower. And if it takes our heads longer, that's OK, as long as you never give up on yourself.
Remember, there are ALWAYS alternatives to eating something. HEALTHY alternatives.
You don't have to repeat the same scripts over and over and over again.
But you have to start somewhere.
You have to take that first 'baby step' by STOPPING yourself the next time, and challenging yourself to come up with another method to handle your feeling.
And then you have to BRAG about it, REWARD yourself for it by patting yourself on the back or writing smiley faces on your calendar and/or food log or treating yourself to a new top or... whatever. Because then your brain goes "Ooooh....lookee! I get rewarded for doing it this way!" and you'll naturally want to repeat that 'good' behavior again.
That's really what it's all about. Staying OP and learning new behaviors in response to LIFE.
Keep on keepin' on!
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