We've built a life together, a home, and a relationship that is solid and enduring.
And I got to thinking about how I we would have celebrated in the past.
Oh, I'd have all kinds of expectations.
To begin with, we'd have to go out to dinner, I mean I simply cannot cook when it's my anniversary, right? And there would have to be flowers, preferably roses (and preferably yellow roses, because they are my favorite), and there would have to be some sort of fancy dessert at dinner, PLUS I'd make us 'goodies' for that night when we got home.
We'd rent or buy a first-run movie and watch it together, eating and drinking the entire time (and by the way, there would have to be wine with dinner and a few mixed drinks as well....and then at home I'd continue with the wine and/or strawberry margaritas).....and then finally make love before turning in.
I'd have it all planned out.
And heaven forbid if it rained, or hubby couldn't get me the right kind of flowers, or the restaurant turned out to be not-so-great, or ... whatever.
(I remember one year in particular, one Valentine's Day.....he ordered me roses, and the stupid delivery guy set them out next to our mailbox which is 1/10th of a mile down the road....yes we live in a very rural area....and I didn't realize it, and they FROZE in the frigid February weather and were ruined! UGH my hubby was so upset....and so was I!)
Bottom line - if everything wasn't 'perfect', I'd consider the day 'ruined'.
Nowadays, though, I laugh at that foolishness.
I know what's important. And those external things are NOT important, not one bit.
What's important is that hubby and I are together, we're (relatively) healthy, we're living together in our home that we built and continue to improve, and we're still in love.
The rest? Doesn't matter. Not ONE LITTLE BIT!
I'm making dinner tonight...and I already have my turkey breast cutlets marinating for my OP (yep, 5/1 OP!) L&G. I'm making him a burger with his mac&cheese and corn (his favorite meal). And we don't have to fuss with dinner reservations or getting all dressed up or worrying about whether or not we'll enjoy ourselves....because WE'RE in charge, we're home alone, and I'll set the table with pretty silverware and light a rose-scented candle and that will be perfect...for both of us.
As for flowers, I'll bring some gladiolas in....that I grew MYSELF.
(How much more meaningful is it, when you grew it yourself?)
And we already exchanged cards. My hubby is something else....this year he actually bought me TWO cards because he said he 'couldn't decide' and they 'both said things he wanted to say'. LOL. I cried. I always do.....because this is a man who doesn't SAY a whole lot, but 'still waters run deep'....and he lets the cards tell me his deepest feelings.
Sigh....
Just being together is enough. And makes me happiest.
Because my head is in a different place. I've learned to appreciate what we have on the INSIDE, versus 'how things look' on the OUTSIDE.
And that reminds me of how I feel about staying on this program; and how, again, I value what happens INTERNALLY and understand that the battle is won INSIDE our own heads.
It's all about .....what we 'tell' ourselves. What we listen to inside....do we listen to Fat Brain, telling us to just do 'what we always did'? Or do we change the script and go for a healthier lifestyle?
Do we think of this program as 'denial' or as a chance at a permanent healthy lifestyle?
It's not easy to buck Fat Brain....but I've been doing it, and I'll continue to do it, because I FEEL BETTER when I do! And I LOVE this feeling. It's worth all the fancy dinners and glasses of 'whatever' put together. Loving how I feel, how I look, and the look in my husband's eyes whenever he sees me anymore....that is PRICELESS and I won't jeopardize it for the temporary, fleeting pleasure of a few seconds of having something in my mouth that's sweet or fattening or numbing.
NO, THANK YOU!
Urges and cravings don't LAST.....if you reject them immediately and get busy doing something else, they will PASS.
I plan my meals and I work my plan. I don't deviate because it always always ALWAYS leads to trouble....and it's NOT.WORTH.IT.
And I don't 'need' food to celebrate anymore. I can do a "happy dance" INSIDE just closing my eyes and picturing my husband's eyes when he looks at me.
Here's to all the wonderful spouses in our lives, that have put up with our moods, our anal behavior sometimes (LOL), our crazy meals and 'having' to eat every 3 hours (my hubby STILL doesn't quite 'get' that, but he figures if it makes me happy, that's fine LOL)...., my idiosyncracies around my particular meals and snacks, and my living with my head in a book and/or the computer LOL.
He GETS it. He understands that this is what I NEED, the way I have to be to stay healthy. And he's cool with it.
But before you go thinking I have it so wonderful.....
I have to caution you! ...He wasn't ALWAYS like this!
Oh NO. In the beginning he thought this was 'just another diet'. I'd go on it, lose a few pounds maybe, then get fed up and give it up and go right back to eating the way I had been.
So when I told him, "No more pizza in the house", he nodded and smiled...but didn't realize how serious I really was (we still haven't seen that food around here in like, 2-1/2 years LOL...he eats it 'out', at work, whatever, if he really wants it).
And then when he saw I was serious, he was NOT a happy camper.
And there were some arguments around why in the world can't he eat his 'whatever' junk food around me anymore. (I was totally honest! I told him I couldn't TAKE it! I couldn't sit there and watch and/or listen to him going munch, munch, crunch crunch ARGH I wanted to SCREAM! LOL)
And when I stopped making his favorite cookies at Christmastime he bitched and moaned the first year, but you know what? He LIVED.....and he wound up saying "You were a lot easier to live with this holiday season, not eating the way you used to".
Well, of COURSE I was! Because I wasn't coming down off a sugar high, or getting upset because I 'blew another diet again'. I was just doing what I did....working the program day in and day out.
He didn't understand why I'd want to THROW things at the TV whenever a food commercial came on....but he came around. He understands now and he changes the channel rather quickly (THANK YOU, dear heart! LOL).
He couldn't 'get' why I had to KEEP weighing and measuring my food....even if I ate that particular food every day for a full YEAR. But he watched me and he listened and now he gets it....he understands that for me, this is NECESSARY because my Fat Brain will always always always want 'more'. And soon 1/2 cup will lead to 3/4s of a cup, and 6 ozs. will morph into 8 ozs....and on and on it goes.
I explained I have a food
addiction. I even talked about some binges that he had NO IDEA I did (I
was really really good at sneak eating LOL).
And he got it. He finally got it. And he doesn't criticize or question ANYTHING I eat (OMG I'd KILL him! LOL), he just sort of watches and learns. He sees how many vegetables I eat now. And he asks questions like, "this isn't really a healthy food, is it? (handing me some junky supposedly 'nutritious' bar or something, and I look and see it has like, 2 grams of protein and 10 grams of FAT and 40 grams of carbs! LOL)
He's getting it. Little by little. And maybe he won't ever do the program (although I wish he would, he HAS gained weight over the years just because time -- and a low thyroid -- have caught up with him) ....but at least he understands what's healthy and what isn't, and he's 'on my side' whenever I have to say NO in front of family and friends.
I explained I have a food addiction. I even talked about some binges that he had NO IDEA I did (I was really really good at sneak eating LOL). And he got it. He finally got it.
ETERNAL VIGILANCE is the price I pay for my slim body, and that's fine with me.
But it doesn't feel like 'work' anymore because.....it has all become part of my LIFESTYLE. Part of my habits. I barely THINK about it anymore, I just 'do it'.
That's so key! When you repeat the same behavior over and over and over again, and you experience GOOD results from it (like watching the scale go down!), you learn to incorporate that behavior PERMANENTLY.
And that's when you sail along....either OP or in maintenance. BOTH have a learning curve, I think, and BOTH need you to examine and pull apart some of the things "Fat Brain" has to say to you and learn to IGNORE them.
Anyway, this blog is sort of rambling but I wanted to say it's POSSIBLE, everyone.
It's possible to get rid of the old expectations and enjoy your life WITHOUT 'celebrating' with food and/or drink. It's possible to 'train' your spouse to learn to live with your new eating habits. All it takes is a little assertiveness ... and TIME.
TIME is on your side. Remember that. Whenever you feel like giving up, remember, it's the people who HUNG IN THERE and NEVER gave up, who made it to goal.
YOU CAN, too. All you have to do is pick yourself up, "one more time".
Even if it's the millionth time you've done so.
As long as you're breathing, there is HOPE.
And your spouses? If they love you, they WILL come around. Believe me. Give THEM time to adjust as well. Remember that they probably think this is 'just another diet' (after all, many of us were on a LOT of different diets before this plan, weren't we? It's just what our friends and family have seen over and over again....so they expect the same results this time!), and PROVE THEM WRONG this time. Hang in there. Stick with it.
And pretty soon they will be admiring your results and asking you 'How did you DO it?'
LOL.....
Hoping everyone has a peaceful, LOVING, easy Sunday.
Keep on!
And he got it. He finally got it. And he doesn't criticize or question ANYTHING I eat (OMG I'd KILL him! LOL), he just sort of watches and learns. He sees how many vegetables I eat now. And he asks questions like, "this isn't really a healthy food, is it? (handing me some junky supposedly 'nutritious' bar or something, and I look and see it has like, 2 grams of protein and 10 grams of FAT and 40 grams of carbs! LOL)
He's getting it. Little by little. And maybe he won't ever do the program (although I wish he would, he HAS gained weight over the years just because time -- and a low thyroid -- have caught up with him) ....but at least he understands what's healthy and what isn't, and he's 'on my side' whenever I have to say NO in front of family and friends.
I explained I have a food addiction. I even talked about some binges that he had NO IDEA I did (I was really really good at sneak eating LOL). And he got it. He finally got it.
ETERNAL VIGILANCE is the price I pay for my slim body, and that's fine with me.
But it doesn't feel like 'work' anymore because.....it has all become part of my LIFESTYLE. Part of my habits. I barely THINK about it anymore, I just 'do it'.
That's so key! When you repeat the same behavior over and over and over again, and you experience GOOD results from it (like watching the scale go down!), you learn to incorporate that behavior PERMANENTLY.
And that's when you sail along....either OP or in maintenance. BOTH have a learning curve, I think, and BOTH need you to examine and pull apart some of the things "Fat Brain" has to say to you and learn to IGNORE them.
Anyway, this blog is sort of rambling but I wanted to say it's POSSIBLE, everyone.
It's possible to get rid of the old expectations and enjoy your life WITHOUT 'celebrating' with food and/or drink. It's possible to 'train' your spouse to learn to live with your new eating habits. All it takes is a little assertiveness ... and TIME.
TIME is on your side. Remember that. Whenever you feel like giving up, remember, it's the people who HUNG IN THERE and NEVER gave up, who made it to goal.
YOU CAN, too. All you have to do is pick yourself up, "one more time".
Even if it's the millionth time you've done so.
As long as you're breathing, there is HOPE.
And your spouses? If they love you, they WILL come around. Believe me. Give THEM time to adjust as well. Remember that they probably think this is 'just another diet' (after all, many of us were on a LOT of different diets before this plan, weren't we? It's just what our friends and family have seen over and over again....so they expect the same results this time!), and PROVE THEM WRONG this time. Hang in there. Stick with it.
And pretty soon they will be admiring your results and asking you 'How did you DO it?'
LOL.....
Hoping everyone has a peaceful, LOVING, easy Sunday.
Keep on!
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