LIES we tell ourselves

I'm reading a new book (surprise, surprise .. I'm ALWAYS reading 'something'...LOL).....and this one is definitely good enough to add to an 'arsenal' of tools for ongoing weight-loss/weight maintenance journeys. 

It's called "You are not your Brain", by Jeffrey M. Schwartz, M.D. and Rebecca Gladding, M.D.  Both are experts in the science of neuroplasty (changes in the brain) at UCLA.
WOW.  It's definitely worth a read! 
ANYTIME a book causes me a lot of 'Aha!' moments...I sit up and take notice. 
And this one definitely does.
So I HAD to share....in fact, I was so excited after reading just the first couple of chapters of this book that I HAD to write about it....even though I'm not even finished with the book! 
The premise of the book is that our brain sends out deceptive messages which create deceptive emotional sensations, that we can easily confuse with 'real' emotions and thus act on them in inappropriate ways (i.e., overeating, drinking, drugging, whatever). 

A REAL emotion would be sadness over the death of a loved one.
Or ANY emotion based on REALITY. 
But what a lot of us here (definitely myself included!) get, are deceptive 'emotional sensations', like sadness, anger, depression, loneliness, frustration, hopelessness, helplessness, it runs the gamut...that ORIGINATE from FALSE (deceptive) THOUGHTS!
(i.e., LIES we tell ourselves....read on...)  
These deceptive emotional sensations are generated from thoughts which come from an area of the brain that sounds suspiciously like....(guess who?) FAT BRAIN!  The authors describe this area of the brain as being part of the old, survival instinct mode...the part that told us to "run" when confronted by a wooly mammoth back in the caveman days.  Definitely sounds like Fat Brain to me, based on my reading in Rational Recovery, Brain over Binge, AND Taming the Food Beast (all books I highly recommend, by the way, as well).

"Fat Brain" is where we store repeated behaviors (i.e., unhealthy habits!) and thus keep perpetuating those old habits as 'learned responses' to uncomfortable feelings or emotional sensations. That's why we do the same things over and over and over again....even though we KNOW better!  It causes us to beat our heads against the wall until we finally figure it out. 
The deceptive emotional sensations (the sadness, frustration, feeling hopeless/helpless, anxiety etc) are based on DECEPTIVE MESSAGES!....
I.e., LIES we tell ourselves!

Here's some examples of these types of 'deceptive messages' (i.e., lies):
See if you have experienced any of these thoughts:
"I'm not good enough""I should have/shouldn't have""I'm a crazy person""I'm a bad person, I'm not as good as _____"
"I don't matter.  Everyone else is more important than me""I will be rejected.  Everyone thinks I am _________""There's something wrong with me""I have no control""No one likes me/I'm unlovable/I will be alone""I don't deserve to be happy"
"Everyone else seems to be doing things correctly;  what's wrong with me?"
"I have an urge to escape reality""I have a repetitive craving for something that ultimately is not good for me""I want unrealistic or unobtainable things, like always feeling 'good'"

Now, I've come a long long way on my journey, but the ones I've highlighted in bold are the feelings I've HAD....and recently! 

For instance, yesterday in Body Flow class -- a new release -- I struggled to 'keep up' with the instructor. They were moving too quickly, it seemed to me, through the moves (actually no, it's just that they had practiced it many many times and this was my FIRST time!) and I had trouble doing some of the poses correctly.  In some cases I couldn't DO the poses at all;  my body just didn't 'bend' that way. 
Hey, that's OK!  Everyone can't be as flexible as a 28 year old exercise trainer in perfect shape who works out every single day for 2-3 hours at a time! 

Yet I still felt....STUPID.  I started telling myself the same old tired, script...."You're not good enough", "Everyone else is doing this right except YOU, you big dummy....you're so uncoordinated and clumsy, you'll never get this", yada yada. 

This then leads to uncomfortable emotional sensations. FALSE emotional sensations.  Unlike true sadness if, say, someone dies....or true anxiety because someone you love is in the hospital or suffering a major illness or whatever....these kinds of sensations are caused by FALSE MESSAGES to begin with!  So feelings like:

Anxiety
Pit in my stomach
Butterflies
Tightness of pounding in my chest
Sweating/Hot flashes (if you're menopausal like me, STRESS can bring them on!)
Sadness
Fatigue
Depression and Sadness
Frustration
Feeling helpless or hopeless
etc.

You get the idea.  So now I'm feeling one or several of the above UNCOMFORTABLE sensations. 

How do I handle uncomfortable feelings?

3 guesses....the first 2 don't count (LOL).

You got it....I EAT!  Eating puts me into that wonderful 'food trance' where nothing matters (for a few minutes anyway....) and I can 'escape reality' and get AWAY from those uncomfortable sensations.

Now, I've heard recommendations about just 'sitting with the feeling'....which sometimes works but often does NOT because it just HURTS too much, let's face it, we don't WANT to feel that way!.....

...BUT....what if we can STOP the feeling from happening in the FIRST PLACE?

What if we can INTERRUPT those 'false brain messages', those LIES we tell ourselves about how we're 'not good enough' or 'no one likes us' or 'we'll have no friends forever' or 'there's something wrong with me' etc. BEFORE they take hold?
What if we can decipher those LIES we tell ourselves and COUNTER them with .....GOOD SENSE! 

With INTELLIGENCE!  With our MINDS.  (the authors use the term 'brain' to designate what I call 'Fat Brain', and 'mind' to designate what I call the Neocortex -- the larger, intelligent, more high developed part of our brains). 

We use our MIND to decipher these messages by doing the following:

1).  RELABEL -- Identify the false brain messages when they happen.  Whenever you tell yourself something totally 'off the wall', like "I'm not good enough" (EVERYONE is good enough, we're all human beings and we're all created with a spark of eternal SPIRIT) then STOP and QUESTION IT and "RELABEL" it for what it is....a LIE. 
So in the example above, I had to stop and realize that I was LYING to myself...going down the same old, tired script of "I'm not good enough" again. I AM good enough. We are ALL "good enough". We're human beings!  NO ONE is perfect. And again, the instructors, who were doing the moves perfectly, had PRACTICED it many many times before!  It was all new to me, and I was doing pretty darn WELL for someone who was just seeing them for the first time!  It's like learning a new dance step....it's not always easy!

2).  REFRAME -- Understand 'where' these messages are coming from....they are from Fat Brain, which is simply your repeated old, bad habits cycling over and over again. 
We get into these cycles...."I'm not good enough" (feel awful, tense and anxious), which results in wanting to feel better, which leads to our habitual BAD HABIT (overeating).  These bad habits can get 'hard wired' into our brain, which is why they are so difficult to undo! 
So I had to understand that these messages were coming from Fat Brain, from my old 'scripts', my old unhealthy emotional 'habitual thoughts'.

3).  REFOCUS -- Direct your Neocortex, your intelligent side, your 'driver of your bus', to think instead logically and question the false message, COUNTER it, ARGUE with it! 

So again, in the above example I had to say "No!  I AM good enough!  I'm just learning the new release, that's all...and looking around I could see that everyone in the class screwed up, I just was too fixated on the instructors to notice it!" 
And then I had to 'refocus' on a logical response, find something productive to do with the feeling.  Something healthy. 
So in this case I just put my head down and tried a bit harder, and also sort of laughed at myself a bit, FORGIVING myself for screwing up!  The point was, I was still moving, still exercising, still trying....and therefore still doing my body a lot of good!

In the case of a deceptive brain message like frustration or guilt or shame or anger or whatever...maybe do something productive and realistic to get your mind off it (REFOCUS), such as maybe go for a walk, do some deep breathing, do some meditation, WRITE (BLOG about it!) and 'get it out', talk to a friend for support (or your Coach), whatever!

4).  REVALUE -- Clearly see the thoughts, urges, and impulses for what they are, simply sensations caused by deceptive brain messages that are NOT true and that have little to no value (they are something to dismiss, not focus on).

Again, in my case I had to 'laugh at myself' a little bit, realize that it was OK that I wasn't 'perfect', and carry on from there. I saw the messages as what they were....LIES....and I would not ALLOW the resultant 'emotional sensation' like frustration or anger or shame to take OVER.  Because I cut it off at the source, BEFORE I could feel the uncomfortable feeling!

When we do this, over and over again every time we get one of these crazy ideas in our heads like "She hates me" (because you just had an argument with someone) or "I'll lose my job" (because your boss or co-worker criticized the way you did something), then you can RETRAIN YOUR OWN BRAIN to be healthier. And not sabotage yourself with unhealthy / untrue thoughts. Which lead to false emotional sensations....which leads to bingeing or eating off plan.

And by the way, not only does this work in actual practice, but doctors have been able to SCIENTIFICALLY measure changes in a person's brain when they did this kind of 'brain changing activities' repeatedly.  Areas in the brain that had been overactive didn't show as much overactivity once the person worked on this with their own deceptive messages.
The person had retrained -- actually REWIRED -- their own brains.

I'll guarantee you, if we had MRIs done of all of our brains when we start this program, and then MRIs taken AFTERWARDS...and I mean YEARS afterwards....of those who truly were able to maintain their weight loss....I betcha we would see it physically manifested on the brain scans.  These people have CHANGED their brains.  Literally.

It's not something that happens overnight, and it certainly doesn't happen the 'first time' you practice this on one of your uncomfortable emotions, or even the 50th time. 
BUT....it can happen.

And in the meantime, EVERY time you succeed in doing something like this...in questioning your own thoughts for their validity.....you have the possibility of AVOIDING an eating binge or going off program.

And that is priceless.  Not only will you be able to STOP binge eating, but you'll be able to sail through the program, rewarding your brain for its GOOD behavior and NOT paying attention when it gives you false messages. 

You will, in essence, "grow up" (yep, even in your 50s LOL)! 
You'll learn that lots of messages your brain has been sending you are false. They are simply learned responses that were "wrong" to begin with, but you've been thinking that way and acting that way for so long, you stop questioning it and just 'do it' automatically!
But they can be questioned (instead of accepted as the truth based on face value) and they can be dealt with appropriately.

As a result you become more calm, more patient, more relaxed and focused and assertive (not aggressive, assertive)....more IN CONTROL....and more confident than you ever were before!
And YES I can testify to that. I feel much more CENTERED inside. Much calmer, more patient, more relaxed....and HAPPIER in general!  REALLY!
This is the 'headwork' we all talk about.  And it's ongoing...for me as well!
I have an awful lot of old, learned 'habitual brain messages' inside my head....and I have been practicing questioning them.  In the process I've been amazed at how much calmer  and in control I feel...and how much smoother my life seems to be.  And nothing on the 'outside' has changed....it's all INTERNAL.  It's the way I process my thoughts now. I reject the old lies. Anytime I start thinking along the lines of "I'm not good enough" (or any of the above messages) I have to stop and question my own thought processes. 
And I realize it's not true. It's just what I've always "told myself".  A learned response from ... Fat Brain!
What 00-In shortIn shocause rryinLOLhey Andfamil  Tyoujumsays ople st fr mothE.  What roles have you put yourself into that perhaps aren't 'you'?  What expectations do you have for yourself that perhaps aren't realistic?  What GAMES do you play with your own head, telling yourself you're 'not good enough' or 'not smart enough' or 'not worth it'!?

Of COURSE we're good enough!  We ALL are.  And we ALL are 'strong enough' and 'smart enough', too.  We're all doing the best we can. 

QUESTION those false messages....which lead to false emotional states. 

The next time you're feeling down or sad or frustrated or anxious or ... whatever! ....Pull it apart, analyze it, and really think about why do you feel this way?

Get in touch with what Fat Brain is telling you, because chances are there's a false message behind that feeling.  And then QUESTION the message.  You might just wind up NEGATING the bad feeling and stopping it from hurting you to begin with!

Here's a link to that book, if you're interested:
You are not your Brain - by Jeffrey Schwartz, M.D. and Rebecca Gladding, M.D.