I got through a very tough day today.
Because I was ALONE all day. And I didn't go to the gym. (I'm taking a bit of a breather this week....because frankly I've been overdoing it! I think I pulled a muscle in my right knee during Spinning on Monday so I took yesterday and today 'off'. Tomorrow I'll do Body Pump and Flow as usual for a Thursday, though, as I feel much much better.)
Not having ANY activities 'scheduled'....well, that's always been a recipe for disaster for me.
Left to my own devices, Fat Brain gets LOUD. Very loud. She tells me 'No one will know...what difference does it make? You can lose it quick....you just will go back on the 5/1 and it'll come right off!' etc.
All the usual excuses come fast and furious. 'One won't hurt....just one extra thing...have an apple, they're HEALTHY!' or 'Have a MF snack bag...it's only 70 calories', etc.
And then of course, once I have that ONE 'extra treat', the old 'Well you blew it now you might as well eat whatever you want!'
...and I fight it. And the hours drag on....they seem endless. I have things I could be doing....but I don't "feel" like it. So I lose myself in a good book. ANYTHING to escape the thoughts from Fat Brain, right?
Well, I fought her today and I WON. I didn't let Fat Brain get to me. I didn't bother arguing with her...well, not too much, anyway....LOL...but I also didn't let her run my actions.
Spending a day alone with 'NOTHING TO DO' and NOT overeating is a huge victory, believe me. I know it probably doesn't seem like it, but trust me on this.
My worst eating episodes in the past have occurred ALONE. I would tell myself I was 'spoiling myself' or having a little 'party' with my food....but the truth was I was trying to feed my soul with FOOD instead of what it needed....which was...what?
Companionship? Maybe. A purpose to my life? That's part of it.
..or maybe, just maybe, I needed to develop the inner strength and SELF LOVE to appreciate being alone WITHOUT overeating to 'celebrate' (which of course wasn't a celebration at all but more like a PUNISHMENT!)
Maybe, just maybe, I felt guilty....way down deep inside...because I wasn't 'accomplishing anything'.
After all, all my life I've been someone who gets things DONE. The 'go to' gal at the office. The leader of my programming team who could get the project DONE when others failed....because I knew how to motivate my staff, and they all knew I'd work just as hard---harder, even--then they did!
At home, around the house, if I had a chore to do you'd better believe I'd get it done.
If there is a bill to be paid I'm ON TIME. Heaven FORBID if I'm a day late....I can't forgive myself! Appointments are like COMMAND PERFORMANCES. I'm on time ALL the time. I refuse to be late. It makes me krazy!
Well I'm changing all that. Just for today, I accomplished NOTHING.
Nothing but convince myself that I don't HAVE to accomplish anything to love myself.
And loving myself does NOT mean overeating....A THING!
Loving myself means staying on my food plan. Because that's TAKING CARE OF MYSELF.
And in the final analysis that's what it's all about.
So....as krazy as this sounds I'm very very proud of myself tonight. And not because I spent 2 hours at the gym or helped 4 people get to goal or wrote 'x' amount of emails or blogs or cleaned ONE room in my house.
I'm proud of myself because I was able to relax and be JUST MYSELF, all day long, without bingeing.
I wish for all of you, my friends...the same!
Keep on!
Because I was ALONE all day. And I didn't go to the gym. (I'm taking a bit of a breather this week....because frankly I've been overdoing it! I think I pulled a muscle in my right knee during Spinning on Monday so I took yesterday and today 'off'. Tomorrow I'll do Body Pump and Flow as usual for a Thursday, though, as I feel much much better.)
Not having ANY activities 'scheduled'....well, that's always been a recipe for disaster for me.
Left to my own devices, Fat Brain gets LOUD. Very loud. She tells me 'No one will know...what difference does it make? You can lose it quick....you just will go back on the 5/1 and it'll come right off!' etc.
All the usual excuses come fast and furious. 'One won't hurt....just one extra thing...have an apple, they're HEALTHY!' or 'Have a MF snack bag...it's only 70 calories', etc.
And then of course, once I have that ONE 'extra treat', the old 'Well you blew it now you might as well eat whatever you want!'
...and I fight it. And the hours drag on....they seem endless. I have things I could be doing....but I don't "feel" like it. So I lose myself in a good book. ANYTHING to escape the thoughts from Fat Brain, right?
Well, I fought her today and I WON. I didn't let Fat Brain get to me. I didn't bother arguing with her...well, not too much, anyway....LOL...but I also didn't let her run my actions.
Spending a day alone with 'NOTHING TO DO' and NOT overeating is a huge victory, believe me. I know it probably doesn't seem like it, but trust me on this.
My worst eating episodes in the past have occurred ALONE. I would tell myself I was 'spoiling myself' or having a little 'party' with my food....but the truth was I was trying to feed my soul with FOOD instead of what it needed....which was...what?
Companionship? Maybe. A purpose to my life? That's part of it.
..or maybe, just maybe, I needed to develop the inner strength and SELF LOVE to appreciate being alone WITHOUT overeating to 'celebrate' (which of course wasn't a celebration at all but more like a PUNISHMENT!)
Maybe, just maybe, I felt guilty....way down deep inside...because I wasn't 'accomplishing anything'.
After all, all my life I've been someone who gets things DONE. The 'go to' gal at the office. The leader of my programming team who could get the project DONE when others failed....because I knew how to motivate my staff, and they all knew I'd work just as hard---harder, even--then they did!
At home, around the house, if I had a chore to do you'd better believe I'd get it done.
If there is a bill to be paid I'm ON TIME. Heaven FORBID if I'm a day late....I can't forgive myself! Appointments are like COMMAND PERFORMANCES. I'm on time ALL the time. I refuse to be late. It makes me krazy!
Well I'm changing all that. Just for today, I accomplished NOTHING.
Nothing but convince myself that I don't HAVE to accomplish anything to love myself.
And loving myself does NOT mean overeating....A THING!
Loving myself means staying on my food plan. Because that's TAKING CARE OF MYSELF.
And in the final analysis that's what it's all about.
So....as krazy as this sounds I'm very very proud of myself tonight. And not because I spent 2 hours at the gym or helped 4 people get to goal or wrote 'x' amount of emails or blogs or cleaned ONE room in my house.
I'm proud of myself because I was able to relax and be JUST MYSELF, all day long, without bingeing.
I wish for all of you, my friends...the same!
Keep on!
--
Linda
Linda Leiby
Take Shape For Life Certified Health Coach
"Keep on keepin' on!"
For Orders: www.Catlover77.tsfl.com
My blogs: www.lincoach.blogspot.com
Linda
Linda Leiby
Take Shape For Life Certified Health Coach
"Keep on keepin' on!"
For Orders: www.Catlover77.tsfl.com
My blogs: www.lincoach.blogspot.com
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