One WILL hurt!

I am struck, again and again, with how many of us are affected by that nasty little 'one won't hurt' voice.

You know the one. The one that whispers 'one extra ______ won't hurt you, just for today. You deserve it'.

Or that argues that that 'little bite' won't affect ketosis because it's got, jeez, less than 1/8 of a GRAM of a carb in it, for Pete's sakes! It's just a tiny BITE! I mean, come ON, already.

Hey...you're right! It WON'T affect your overall diet or weight.  Physically.

But there are two problems with that reasoning.

1).  It won't hurt your body -- MAYBE.  But it WILL hurt your RESOLVE, your MIND, your FORTITUDE, and it will most probably lead you to 'one more', and 'one more after that', and 'one more after that last little one'.

Pretty soon you're totally off the rails.

Oh, I know!  I've done it...HUNDREDS of times.  If not THOUSANDS at this point.  I've done it so many times that I've genuinely wondered how could I BE so STUPID?  How could I keep making the same mistake, over and over and over again?

Because I needed to learn it ONE MORE TIME.  That's why.  LOL. 

2).   It also sets your mind up for 'breaking the rules'.

If 'one won't hurt' this time, what about NEXT time? (because I guarantee you, there WILL be a next time).

And what about the time after that?

Where do you draw the line?

WHEN do you draw the line?

How do you say 'NO' to that inner voice? She's driving you NUTS! You're having a rough day, for pete's sakes...gimme a BREAK already. Right?

Oh, yeah. I've been there!

But here's why I NEVER do the 'one won't hurt' thing anymore:

I tell it NO and firmly IGNORE it, walk away, do whatever I have to do to get through it, because I KNOW it's 'opening that door'.

A door that needs to stay closed. PERMANENTLY. Because if I let it open, even 'just a little bit', it's like Pandora's box...it will spill open and all the bad stuff in the world will pour out of it and I won't be able to stop. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow...but it weakens my resolve, and sooner or later I'll 'give in'.

We're ALL only human, after all.

So remember that the next time that little voice says 'One won't hurt'. On the one hand, she's RIGHT...that 'little bit' won't hurt physically.

But what will it do to your resolve, emotionally?

AHA! That's the rub.

I stay on program because every night when I go to bed, I want to look back on the day and remember that I stayed on program. Period. I know that sounds stupid but it's true. I spent too many nights NOT being on program, lying to myself (and everyone around me) and I HATE that feeling. That "I've failed again" feeling.

Because, deep down, whenever I give in to 'one won't hurt', I remember it. My SOUL remembers it. And it diminishes me somehow.

Hope everyone resists those "one won't hurts" today....and everyday!

 PS And if a loved one jumps on that and swears you're 'being ridiculous'? AGREE with them and laugh about it...but stick to your guns anyway. Swear you're nuts but you "HAVE to be", because you have an addiction and you need to deal with it in your own way.

And for us, sometimes just saying NO is the only way to survive. 

NO ONE can put the food into your mouth but you!
Remember that, the next time you hear a food pusher (even if that food pusher...is YOU!)

Keep on!

 

Dear Medifast and/or Take Shape for Life.....

This blog is addressed specifically to those folks who made the decision to redesign the MF community website and who did so on October 28, 2014. 

I'm here to tell you, (and I know you've heard this before but you NEED to hear it again), that your experiment FAILED.

Maybe you saved money with this redesign.....obviously using the FitBit front end was a plug and play type of thing, much easier to maintain than to have a bunch of programmers on staff dedicated to the site...but you also caused at least 100 people, maybe more, to lose their mojo, stop their progress, and in many cases STOP using the program altogether, because their support system was yanked out from underneath them. 

Literally, like a ladder to success had been yanked out beneath us, leaving us high and dry.

It is IMPORTANT to have a support system....a place to go where you can share how it's going for you, in this ongoing battle of food addiction/weight loss/bingeing....with OTHERS who share the SAME addiction. 

Having that MF Community website, populated ONLY with people doing MF, was important.  We got to blog honestly about how it was going....and we got to read others' blogs.  And no matter where we were across the country, there were so many similarities to our stories, and our EMOTIONS, and how we struggled....that we felt like long-lost sisters.

We WERE sisters, in a way.  Brothers, too (although men were far less likely to participate on this website, there were a few, and they were honest and friendly and noteworthy for their compassion).  Brothers and sisters of a type, all fighting the same battles.  With our own shorthand and our own nicknames and our own stories, as personal as we wanted them to be. 

We SHARED our pain and thereby lessened it.  We commiserated when we failed, and celebrated when we succeeded.

I remember the day I hit goal in late July, 2013.  I got over 100 reads of my blog....maybe more (I forget the exact number now but it was eye-popping), and dozens of congratulatory comments.  Comments that really meant a lot to me, because these people KNEW my struggle -- they had been with me every step of the way. 

I had started out at 235 lbs, and lost over 70 lbs to reach my goal of 160.  That was HUGE, and the biggest weight loss of my life.  It also made the biggest change on my lifestyle, for GOOD.  I now had the 'answer'!!!  The answer to a weight loss prayer that had started way back in February 2012.  The Medifast program WORKED!  Like a charm.  And those folks who had been working the program right alongside of me KNEW what it took to succeed, so their congrats meant even more to me. 

I only wish now that I had saved those comments, because they would STILL make me smile, even 2 years later. 

No one knows how hard it is to change a lifestyle, like someone ELSE who has also changed his/her lifestyle. 

And maintenance was....not easy, far from it (in many ways, this is where the REAL work begins) but I managed OK.  Slipping and sliding sometimes, because that 'goal' of hitting a certain weight was no longer there, and simply maintaining the status quo while everyone around you seems to be eatingeatingeating like there's no tomorrow is TOUGH...!  But I was doing it.

And then, on October 28, 2014, everything changed.  The "powers that be" decided to redesign our website, and in so doing they ripped out ALL shreds of personalization, ALL our blogs, ALL our friends' lists and messages, everything that connected us, in a real way, to others working the program.

It was purely a business decision, based on dollars and cents. Programming the website was too expensive.  So they fired the programming staff, and replaced most of the website with a 'canned' front-end that they had partnered with the FitBit people on.  Suddenly owning a FitBit gadget was the thing to do.  It recorded your activity and you could, hopefully, increase your exercise and decrease the amount of time spent being a couch potato. 

This was kind of amusing, as the Medifast meal program is one where exercise is NOT required.  Of course it's nice to do....but it can be dangerous during the first few weeks of working the program, due to ketosis taking such a toll on the body.  You can get light-headed and even pass out.  The official recommendation is to wait 3 weeks before starting an exercise program...and if you're already working out, cut it in half. 

And after that time period, exercise is great, but it's NOT necessary.  In fact, I know people who went through the entire program without doing ANY exercise at all.  It's not required.

Yet suddenly, because Take Shape for Life had partnered with Fitbit, an exercise gadget, owning a Fitbit was not only encouraged (and of course, SOLD by TSFL as well) but it was the 'thing to do'.  The entire front-end was designed to be used with a Fitbit!

The FitBit is a good tool, but it's NOT necessary.  Period.  In fact, for some, especially those of us who tend to be perfectionists and anal and WAY harder on ourselves than we need to be (which happens very frequently with food addicts) it can do more harm than good, because suddenly everything's a competition.  Did you get your 10,000 steps a day in?  Heaven forbid if you didn't.  No provision for weight-training, by the way (which can be just as important as cardio for a person interested in weight loss), other than a blanket generic 'weight training' exercise selection, which of course fixated only on calories burned rather than muscle gained....and you had to wear the thing night and day and recharge it every 3 days or so, and download your information and it gave you all sorts of charts and graphs, etc.  Ho-hum.  Big deal.  I'd been there with the charts and graphs.  After awhile you realize, it's all kind of SILLY.  Because in the final analysis, they are UNNECESSARY.  All you really need to do is move more and eat less.  (which for us means stay OP).  That's all.

And our blogs?  Were replaced by blogs from Dr. A and company. 

They weren't blogs, of course, either.  They were ADVERTISEMENTS.  Plain and simple.  Ads for TSFL.  For whatever the company was pushing this month. 

Those of us who had been loyal bloggers and/or readers and followers of the old MF website felt like we had been ROBBED.  Robbed in the night, our stories, our blogs, our shared confidences, all ripped away in the dark, never to be seen again.

And to add insult to injury, the new website had a note hard-coded on the front page which promised that our 'blogs would be coming back'. 

That was 8 months ago. 

Yeah, right. 
I'll believe it when I see it. 

But here's the saddest part.  For awhile I only suspected this in my heart....but I have since done some reading and research, and found a lot of the people who used to blog on the old website, and I would venture to guess that nearly ALL of the people who used it to blog, or to read others' blogs, or both, have been struggling since the redesign.

There is NO replacement for a safe place to communicate with others going through the same things you are going through.

Because unlike Facebook or blogs on Blogspot or whatever....even Fitbit or MyFitnessPal, both of which have users and messages and in some cases even blogs....all of us on the Medifast Community website were working the SAME program.  We didn't have to get into arguments about whether or not the MF meals program worked, because we were already convinced, we were DOING it!  We didn't have to worry about people who never worked the program reading our stuff, because we all were WORKING it. 

We had a SHARED task...to lose weight using the MF program.  That was it.  That was the common ingredient.

And that single-minded purpose made us FOCUS on the task at hand, and gave us compassion to do so in a gentle, friendly way.  Anyone who attempted to become nasty was quickly shouted down (and out!).  The emphasis was on loving SUPPORT.  No matter WHAT.  Because if you were in good place, you shared and helped those who weren't in a good place...because you KNEW that sooner or later, you would be in a bad place. 

It's not that way using other websites.  Even Facebook websites supposedly dedicated to Medifast....there's no way (unless you make it a closed or secret group, which sort of defeats the purpose, doesn't it, because new folks trying the Medifast program can't find you!) to keep the general public OUT. 

And so our safety net, our feeling that what we said would be kept in confidence and understood, was GONE.

We lost our place to VENT, to get your feelings out in a SAFE environment, and have others (gently and compassionately!) steer you back on track when your head got messed up. 

Because we all have gotten our heads messed up from time to time.  LOL.

And it was NICE, in fact I would venture to say it was IMPERATIVE, to have an understanding shoulder to cry on.  Someone who had been there, done that.  EXACTLY that. 

To make matters worse, the FORUMS, which were the only form of input and communication with other users left in, became antagonistic, bitter, angry places where people (who were now anonymous, having had their personal info stripped away completely) could poke at each other in anger, make sarcastic comments, and play 'who can be nastiest'. 

The anger and bitterness felt by these folks, many of whom either were angry at Medifast and TSFL for changing the website, came through loud and clear.  And because the twin companies, Medifast and TSFL, were NOT LISTENING to the cries and complaints of those who hated the redesign (to date, I've yet to hear from ONE person who likes the changes!), they instead turned on EACH OTHER, and especially on Health Coaches. 

Health Coaches are working the program, just like everyone else, only they ALSO help others to get to goal by being there to answer questions and just to have a shoulder to cry on sometimes.  For this they get compensated directly by TSFL.  It's free for the client.  But like everything else, there are good coaches and bad coaches.  And the few bad apples, of course, ruin it for everyone else because their misdeeds are spread at the speed of electronics via stories that grow worse and worse with every telling.

So Health Coaches became the 'whipping boy' of the website's redesign, and in fact for ALL of the complaints and problems that clients had with the program.  When the prices were increased for MF meals some months later, it was the Coaches who were blamed.  When there were problems of any kind, Coaches were singled out. 

As a Health Coach myself, I had tried to keep up blogging on one of the forums, just as a matter of principle, figuring they could take the blog out of the website, but they couldn't prevent me from blogging ANYWAY via another method.  I was NOT going to be deterred! 

But I quickly learned that not only were there fewer and fewer people listening (because people got disgusted with the new website and stopped visiting), but those that were, were doing it only to make FUN of me.  To make jokes at my expense.  To post sarcastic, bittter, angry comments.

I tried to ignore it at first.  Not give any credance to the haters.

But of course I'm only human, and I have feelings, too.  And it nagged at me.  Why was I taking this?  I wasn't to blame! 

So I tried to fight back.  I posted rejoinders to the comments.  I reminded them that the Coaches had had NOTHING to do with the website redesign OR the price increase, at ALL.  And that we were clients, as well, and were just as upset as they were. I tried to explain how it works with Coaches, because there are so many misconceptions....people think we get free trips at the expense of our clients (NOT true), that we all band together in some sort of a secret society and all tell lies (ALSO not true), that we are in 'charge', somehow, of the methods by which TSFL communicates with its users (WAY not true!). 

But all my honest, up-front explanations just fell on deaf ears.  NOBODY WAS LISTENING.

They preferred to hate instead.  To make value judgements and make up stories and see who could spew the most venom. 

Sad but true.

So eventually I stopped blogging.  Why bother?  I was dealing with an audience that could care LESS.  All they wanted was to bitch about the website and the program.  Why they even spent time doing so if they hated it so much was perplexing....but whatever. 

All I knew was, it wasn't worth it anymore.  I wasn't made of stone, and these attacks HURT.  They were uncalled for and anonymous and unprovoked, vicious attacks.  Plain and simple.

So, like everyone else, I sought a place to go for support.  I had my own binge-eaters Facebook website and my clients' Facebook page, and those were helpful....but I still needed a connection to others who were working the program and yet not part of my client base.  I found a few and we connected, and they've been helpful.  But of course it's still not quite the same....and it never WILL be the same....as it was back in the old blogging days on the old website. 

So this blog, dear TSFL and/or Medifast, is to let you know, from the users to the powers that be, that your experiment FAILED.

BIGTIME. 

Whatever dreams you had about saving money and supporting your clients at the same time?  They have failed.  What you have created is a monster.....and you are LOSING clients because of it.

As a Health Coach I can personally attest to clients' leaving because they were 'mad at Medifast'.  Seriously.  That's why.  They are angry about the website changes, they are angry about the price increase, and they are angry in general and feel left out in the cold. 

I've told them that their business won't be missed, if they are thinking of 'speaking with their pocketbooks.  Because obesity is at epidemic levels, for every one person who leaves in disgust, there are 3 newbies investigating the program as a last-ditch effort before gastric bypass. 

It's sad that customer retention doesn't get the attention it deserves....but there it is.

And yes, it doesn't make SENSE to quit the program because you're 'mad at it'.  I've even blogged about this.  But tell that to someone totally discouraged, totally disgusted and having nowhere else to turn to vent, and to get encouragement. 

BRING BACK BLOGS.  Bring back some PERSONALIZATION in the website, so that people can be IDENTIFIED and no longer 'hide' behind a made-up anonymous username.  And bring back friends lists and messages.  WE NEED THEM.  We need that connection. 

And stop saying that other social websites are the 'same'.  They are NOT.  They are too public.  We need a MF-ONLY support website, one that allows for USER TO USER COMMUNCIATION.  The forums are not enough. 

As I write this I'm also standing aside in my own head and shaking my head, because I KNOW, in my heart of hearts, that those responsible will either never read this blog, or will read it and totally ignored it. 

But I had to write it anyway, for the sake of the 100 or so others out there like me, who have lost our support.  I feel your pain.  I just wanted you to know that.  We ALL feel the same way.  We HATE the new website.  But just know, you're NOT ALONE. 

Linda Leiby alias "Catlover77"
angiecat6@comcast.net